


The Boy Who Wasn't Scared to Love But to Be Loved in Return

by evenbakkas



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Bipolar Disorder, Evak - Freeform, Evak AU, Even and Isak, Even's POV, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Memes, Sarcasm, Season 3, Weed, even is so in love, isak and even - Freeform, skam au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9861062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenbakkas/pseuds/evenbakkas
Summary: An AU spin on Even's POV during some scenes that happened during season 3, with expansion into Even's life..“I can’t believe you kissed me,” Isak blurted out.“I can’t believe you kissed me back,” Even replied, just as bluntly as Isak.“Yeah.”“Yeah.”





	1. Sesong 3 Episode 1 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitting here with Isak on this crisp, autumn night, Even realized two things.
> 
> 1\. His Extra-ness was something to be feared, and
> 
>  
> 
> 2\. Even was falling for Isak. Hard. And he didn’t want to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy I know it's a slow burn and we all want Even and Isak to just fucking go for it already but I'm keeping it as close to the show as I can!! 
> 
> Each chapter will be entitled for each episode of season 3 so expect similar scenes with perhaps a slight twist, and of course added scenes that were hinted at but never actually shown on the show ;)

 

Even needed to know this boy’s name. 

 

It had been almost 2 months of silent torture, seeing this boy walking the halls of Hartvig Nissen with what Even assumed to be his group of friends. It had gotten to the point that Even knew what classes this boy had and around what exact time he would be in the hallways. And because Even was so fixated on this boy, he did everything he could to see him as much as possible. His friends had even started asking him what he was doing whenever he made an excuse to walk a different way to class. He knew his actions were borderline creepy, but Even didn’t care. His thoughts had become consumed by this boy, mesmerized by this boy’s smile, his laugh, the way he rolls his eyes. Even was prepared to do whatever he could to get to know him. He wanted to know every part of him, like what his favorite color was and what his biggest dreams were. He wanted to know his past, his present, his plans for the future. Even was completely and utterly obsessed with this boy. And he didn’t want to have to deny it any longer. 

 

But, Even couldn’t deny how ridiculously nervous he was. He was absolutely terrified. It scared Even, how much of an affect this boy had on him. He didn’t even know this boy, and he was already prepared to lay down his life for him. Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but Even had never been one to shy away from epic romance. He didn’t care how embarrassing or lame it was. 

 

Even was tired of staring at this boy and never having his gaze returned. It was as if this boy was completely oblivious to Even’s infatuation, as if this boy wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was. This boy was living his life with his eyes at the ground, going through the motions and never REALLY seeing. Even was determined to change that. _Let me be your knight in shining armor_ , Even thought. _Let me be your savior_. 

 

Lunch was just around the corner, and Even couldn’t wait to leave class. This was his favorite time of the day, because it was as close as he could get to this boy without actually introducing himself to him. He would sit on this couch, as this boy and his group of friends would sit, eating their food at a small, round table across from him. The only thing Even didn’t like about this situation is that he had to be careful of where he fixated his eyes. Any one of the boys could see him looking in their direction, and he really didn't want to be introduced to all four of them as the creepy boy who spent the entirety of lunch eye-stalking. Even though, yeah, that's pretty much what he was doing.

 

By the time he got to the cafe, the boy and his friends were already there. From what Even could read, the boys were talking about hookups and hot girls. Even couldn’t help but notice His boy wanted no part of the conversation, staying silent almost the entire time. Even took a seat on the couch and took out his phone, aimlessly scrolling through memes on the internet. Even was a sucker for a good meme.

 

It seemed like ages before he heard the boy speak, although he couldn’t detect what the boy had said. No matter, he could recognize the boy’s voice anywhere. Through layers and layers of the mumbled voices surrounding him, it was like this boy’s voice could cut through the deepest of obstacles just to get to him. 

 

Even spent most of lunch on his phone, listening for the boy’s voice and glancing at him from the corner of his eye. He was so in tune with this boy's actions that he didn’t notice a blonde girl and two of her friends standing in front of him.

 

“Hi!” the blonde girl said, “I’m Vilde! And this is Sana and Eva!”

 

Even was startled, jarred out of being inside his head and thrown back into reality. He was somewhat irritated that he was now being distracted from his intense focus on the boy across from him, but he still smiled sweetly and introduced himself.

 

“I’m Even,” he said.

 

That was all Vilde needed to launch into her promotion of what Even dictated as “kosegruppa”, which was difficult given how fast Vilde was talking. In all honesty, Vilde didn’t completely have Even’s attention as he was still trying to listen to the golden boy. Eventually, Even noticed that Vilde had fallen silent, assuming it was his turn to have some sort of reaction, and so Even panicked and laughed obnoxiously, hoping that would be enough of answer for her to continue her speech. It seemed to be enough, as she continued speed-talking while her friends stood quietly next to her. He hadn’t realized just how loud he really laughed, until he noticed the boy staring at him.

 

FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. _He’s looking at me_ , Even thought. _What the fuck do I do now?!_

 

_Be cool, Even. He’s just a boy. You can do this._

 

But Even couldn’t do this. He hadn’t taken a breath since he noticed the boy looking at him, frozen in time, too scared to make any movement with the boy’s eyes on him.

 

_Come on, Even! This is your chance! You’ve been waiting two months for him to notice you and you can’t even look back?!_

 

Even so desperately wanted to shut the voice in his head up, and after what seemed like ages of the boy staring at him, Even couldn’t help himself any longer. It only took one look from this boy and Even was already coming undone. This level of weakness was something Even had never experience before, and it excited him. He felt like every fiber of his being was on fire. And Even loved every second of it, despite the overpowering feeling of being deeply terrified. 

 

It was as if his eyes had a mind of his own, as they traveled from Vilde, to the ground, up to the boy. He hoped desperately that the boy wasn’t able to see just how disheveled Even actually was. How he could feel the sweat pool on the back of his neck. Gross.

 

As their eyes locked, Even felt like he had been punched in the stomach.  Which sounds horrible, but it was actually quite beautiful. Even immediately fell in love with this boy’s eyes. He had stared at them countless times before, but somehow having them staring back at him was an entirely new feeling. Even felt like he had been reborn, raised from the dead. Resurrected.

 

The boy’s eyes vanished as quickly as they had appeared. He had looked away almost as soon as Even looked back, clearly embarrassed that he had been caught staring. Even thought it was the cutest thing he had ever seen, and he was ready to combust. 

 

_Why are you doing this to me? How are you doing this to me? What is this?_

 

Even’s mind was racing with questions that he was dying to have the boy answer. At this point, he had completely forgotten that Vilde was talking to him until she nudged his foot with hers. 

 

“Even, are you listening?” Vilde asked, a level of annoyance in her voice.

 

“Yes, yes, I’ll uhh…I’ll think about it Vilde. Sounds fun.” Even quickly said, a fake smile plastered on his face yet again.

 

That satisfied Vilde enough to move onto the next group of students, her friends following closely behind her. Even really had no interest in joining kosegruppa. When he had first started at Hartvig Nissen, his only goal was to get through the year as fast as possible. He wasn’t interested in becoming a joiner and going to lots of social gatherings. His on and off girlfriend Sonja was already out of school and wouldn’t ever let Even forget about it. Always on his case about doing well in school and being careful around other people so that he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes he made last year. Always trying to be nice, always ending up passive-aggressive. He was tired of it. He was tired of a lot of things.

 

But it seemed like some stroke of luck having this boy come into his life. Even if he wasn’t exactly “in” Even’s life. It gave Even something to focus on, something so incredibly happy and new and exciting and frustrating, at times. But always good, always better than anything else he had to deal with in his everyday life. Even felt guilty for having romantic feelings for this boy while he was with Sonja, but he really hadn’t considered himself Sonja’s boyfriend for a long time. She was more like a babysitter. 

 

It was nearing the end of lunch, and Even had taken his phone out again to pretend like he was busy doing something OTHER than obsessing over the golden boy. Quite a few people had already left to go to their next class. He noticed that Vilde and her friends moved over to the boy’s table and were now talking to them about kosegruppa. He heard the boy asking Eva about a sweatshirt, and couldn’t help but laugh silently at how bad of a liar he was. The boy’s cheeks were bright red. Even was bewitched by the boy’s cuteness. 

 

Given the lack of people in the cafe now, this was the first time Even was able to hear their entire conversation clearly. He listened closely, watched secretly, and heard Vilde ask them about kosegruppa. All of the boy’s seem uninterested in the group, but it was obvious that they knew Vilde personally. Even was clinging to the smallest of strings in his hopes that maybe, just maybe, the boy would show up to the kosegruppa meeting. And maybe, just maybe, Even really needs to go. Ever since the boy looked back at him, it felt like everything was falling into place. Like it was finally their time to meet, finally time for Even to learn this boy’s name so he could stop spending late nights with his mind trying to guess. He had gone from Thomas to Karl to Fredrik. Nothing ever seemed just right. 

 

All of a sudden, Even felt his breath hitch and his legs start to go tingly. He felt time pause yet again, and he could feel himself melting into the couch. Vilde and her friends had just said goodbye to the boys, and one of the boy’s quickly asked His boy a question. Even thinks it was something about hooking up again, or whatever, but that’s not what he was focused on.

 

Everything **was** falling into place. He could feel it. It was right, so right. He had never felt so right in his life.

 

_Isak. The boy’s name was Isak._

 

 

* * *

 

 

The night of the kosegruppa meeting, Even was freaking the fuck out. He had officially “Lost his Chill”. He couldn’t stop sweating, his heart was beating out of his chest, and his whole body was shaking. Nas was playing in the background of his room while Even paced, initially playing the music to pump himself up, but he was such a mess that even Nas couldn’t save him from himself. At one point, Even completely lost all train of thought and had walked himself right into his closet door. _Such a loser._

 

Even eventually started getting ready to head to the school, paying close attention to his style choices as he dug through his closet. He wanted to make Isak’s heart scream. Even wasn’t even slightly convinced Isak was into him at all, but he was damn sure determined that he would be by the end of the night. 

 

 _Isak. Isak. Isak._ The name rolled off of his tongue so easily he couldn’t help but imagine how he would feel screaming it. _Okay, calm down._ It caught Even off guard every single time he let himself delve into just how physically attracted he was to Isak. It was such a new feeling to him, something he never felt with Sonja. Not even close. 

 

Even knew if he didn’t hurry up, he was going to be late. And he didn’t want to miss any interaction he could possibly have with Isak. He gave himself one last look in the mirror before heading out to take the train to school. 

 

When he got there, he noticed Isak sitting near the front of the bleachers, completely distracted by his cell phone. _This is it_ , Even thought. _This is where my life begins._

 

He really needed to stop being so dramatic, but could you blame him? Isak was somehow hotter than anyone he had ever encountered before, hot on a whole new level. A level Even was determined to introduce himself to. Even walked up to Vilde and her friends, hands in his pockets, trying to act as laid-back as possible, even though he was dying inside. The good kind, anyway. Vilde screamed her usual, “Hi!” at him once he entered, and Even just nodded. It was all too easy for him to notice Isak snap his head up from his phone and stare in Even’s direction. Once he witnessed Isak’s gaze in the cafe, it was like Even could feel it without having to see it. Again, some next level shit. 

 

And again, this distracted Even completely as he tried not to lose his mind. He decided to just keep nodding at Vilde because that always seemed to be enough for her to recognize acknowledgment. Isak’s eyes were still on him, burning marks all over Even’s skin. He felt himself ignite at the sheer prospect of Isak’s eyes on him and wondered what it would be like for Isak to actually touch him. The thought alone made Even want to melt into a puddle. 

 

Even decided to glance back at Isak, perhaps simply to let him know that he knew Isak was staring at him. He couldn’t control the small smile that escaped his lips, and he sincerely hoped Isak wouldn’t get weirded out by it. But as expected, Isak averted his eyes fast once he saw Even looking back at him, only this time Isak shifted himself on the bleachers. Even prayed Isak had felt even a small amount of the same connection Even had been feeling since the first day of school.

 

As Even began to take a seat, he made sure to walk past Isak slowly, and he had to fight the urge not to sit right next to him. Or on top of him. He really was overly excited about this boy potentially, finally, maybe, possibly, liking him back. He was determined to make it happen, had always been a believer of controlling his own life ever since he was old enough to make sense of it, but he didn’t want to come across over-intimidating and scare Isak away. For some odd reason, he just knew he had to be patient with Isak. A feeling in his gut, right down to his core. 

 

Even decided to take a seat in the middle of the bleachers, not too far from Isak, but far enough to not seem creepy. He could tell Isak was uncomfortable, though. He had been ever since Even entered the room. The boy was so bad at trying to hide things, but to be fair, Even had always been really good at reading people. Although, It didn’t take a genius to realize Isak was trying to hide himself behind his phone. Given the fact that the screen was blank half the time and Isak was still pretending to be enticed by it. He really was so cute.

 

This ascertain made Even a little less nervous than he was when he first walked in. A little more confident in himself, even though he still had no fucking clue how he was going to reel Isak in. He heard Vilde ask the group to stand up for some sort of “Love Exercise”, and Even quickly realized this may be his first chance to interact with Isak. He stood up suddenly, his eyes burning into the back of Isak’s head as Isak arose slowly. He was about to walk a few steps down to Isak when --

 

Isak slowly made his way out of the room, the door shutting behind him.

 

 _FUCK. Fuck you, Isak._  

 

Even would be more upset if leaving wasn’t actually a great idea, and he wished he had thought of it first. The thought of going through this love exercise without Isak was really killing Even right now. He knew it would be too obvious to follow him right away, so he waited a few minutes before excusing himself, leaving Vilde a little too upset at his absence.

 

_You’re not going to ruin my chance, Isak. I have waited two months, this is not how this is going to go down._

 

Even walked out the door quietly, making sure Isak wasn’t nearby to hear his stalking. It turned out to be just the right time, as Even saw Isak walk into the Men’s bathroom and the door close behind him.

 

_Perfect._

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Even first walked into the men’s bathroom, he could hear screams coming from one of the bathroom stalls. A very odd thing to hear in a bathroom, but it was obvious Isak hadn’t heard him walk in since the screams didn’t stop. Even decided that the noises were more digital than authentic, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Isak was hiding in a bathroom stall playing a game on his phone. This boy was such a nerd. 

 

Now that Even was in the men’s bathroom with Isak, he realized how ridiculous his plan actually was. _I’m really going to introduce myself to this boy in a damn bathroom_ , he thought. But, there was no turning back now. After standing at the door for what seemed like minutes, the noises coming from Isak’s phone finally stopped and he could hear Isak shuffling around in the bathroom stall. 

 

_FUCK. He can’t catch me just standing by the bathroom door, staring at him._

 

Even quickly hurried to the sink and began washing his hands.

 

_Act Natural, Even._

 

When Isak walked out of the bathroom stall and over to the sink, Even’s breath caught in his throat. He felt himself tense up and he had to keep himself from hyperventilating. He was so nervous, and could only hope he was doing a better job of hiding it than he was of preventing it. Even glanced at Isak in the mirror, his eyes focusing on the rushing water coming from the faucet. As soon as Even glanced, Isak stared right back.

 

_This really couldn’t be any more awkward._

 

Even, knowing damn well he can’t sit here washing his hands forever, began pulling paper towels from the dispenser and for some reason, he couldn’t stop. He had been so nervous that he had hurriedly grabbed a handful of paper towels, clearly WAY more than anyone would ever need. This mistake actually gave Even an idea.  If he was going to be Extra, he was going to take Extra to a whole new level. 

 

Even could feel Isak staring at him, a surprised and slightly disturbed look on his face. Even was doing his best not to laugh at how cute and grumpy Isak looked. As soon as all of the towels were in his hands, Even decided to wipe off his mouth because “reasons” and because he was so sure Isak was making him drool. He threw the towels in the trash, and then turned to look at Isak. At the same time, he realized he hadn’t left a single towel for him.

 

“Did you also need paper?” Even asked.

 

Isak’s mouth hung open slightly at Even’s question, not saying a word. Even could feel the atmosphere growing more and more uncomfortable. When Isak didn’t answer, Even took matters into his own hands and grabbed a towel from the trash, making sure to grab the driest one he could find. He shrugged slightly and handed the towel to Isak, who hesitantly took it from Even. Isak crumbled the paper in his fist, staring at Even the whole time. _Is he mute?_

 

To break the tension, and to hopefully get away from Isak for a moment so he could mentally and physically collect himself, Even took the joint from behind his ear and gestured to Isak.

 

“Come outside,” he said. 

 

Even didn’t wait for Isak to give him a reply. He walked out of the bathroom, and as soon as he was on the other side of the door, he could feel his lungs opening up again. _Well, that went smoothly._ Even couldn’t help but roll his eyes at himself. _Did I screw it up? I probably scared him away. What the hell is wrong with me?_

 

Even tried desperately to quiet the voices in his head as he began walking to the door outside, clinging onto the hope that Isak would follow him. If he didn’t, Even was sure Isak had no interest in him. That thought was hard for Even to swallow, as he had spent the past two months completely infatuated with Isak. For it to end here would result in true agony. 

 

Once Even reached the bench outside, he sat on top of the back rest and began to light his joint. He was not ashamed to admit that he used weed to help lure Isak out there.Even could not stop himself from bouncing his legs up and down, and he could feel his heart beating fast in his chest. He had expected the weed to help calm him down, and it was to a certain extent, but he was still falling apart at the thought of Isak. 

 

After a few minutes, Even was almost convinced Isak wasn’t going to come outside. He was about ready leave as he noticed Isak out of the corner of his eye, walking up slowly and cautiously to the bench. 

 

_FUCK. YES._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even was so excited to see Isak that his initial instinct was to hand the joint over to him quickly. He then raised his eyebrows, as a way of inviting Isak to sit down and share with him. Isak smiled softly and reached his hand out to grab the joint from the top, only to change his hand position and grasp it from the bottom. Even snapped his eyebrows at Isak yet again as Isak took his place next to Even on the bench. Even could feel his cheeks burning from how wide his smile was. 

 

Even’s eyes were on Isak the entire time Isak took his first hit. He couldn’t believe this beautiful boy was finally sitting next to him, less than a foot away. If Even moved any closer, he would be able feel Isak’s breath. Even willed himself not to scoot so that their legs were touching. Isak stayed silent the entire time, and Even switched from looking at him to looking straight ahead. Now that Isak was here, Even couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. He had practiced so many jokes and iconic lines to use to woo Isak over, but every single one of them were now lost inside his mind. Even went for the first thought that finally fought it’s way through the many layers of Isak.

 

“Do you know the group leader lady?” Even asked.

 

Isak turned his head towards Even’s slightly, refusing to look in his eyes. Even was begging Isak to turn completely and face him.

 

“Vilde?” Isak laughed. “With the 'Love Exercise'?”

 

Even combusted internally. Isak’s voice sounded even lovelier when he was using it to talk to him.

 

“What was that?” Even asked, a slight smile spreading across his face.

 

Isak shook his head, “No, I mean…I had to leave. I just couldn’t deal with that stuff. What happened?”

 

Even took this chance to test the field. I mean, Isak had already watched him drain the paper towel dispenser of tissues, and he still came outside with him. Even really couldn’t get any lamer than that. Could he?

 

“She made us walk around, um…and feel each other up, in a dark room.”

 

That definitely made Isak snap his head towards Even, eyes searching his face. Isak was shocked, confused, and he wanted more. Even continued.

 

“And if you touched a dick…you had to suck it.”

 

Isak did a double take, then looked back at Even. Even was amused to see Isak react in such a way to his comments. He could almost feel the air lighten around them. 

 

“No?!” Isak spit out.

 

Even shook his head and laughed, leaning closer to Isak. “No!”

 

This made Isak chuckle, too, and god if Even wasn’t falling more and more in love with Isak’s laugh. He wanted to only hear Isak laugh from this day forward.

 

Isak coughed quietly, and Even, once again, was unsure what to say next. _How do I top that?!_

 

Isak handed the joint back to Even, who took the joint slowly, making sure to look straight into Isak’s eyes the whole time. He could tell Isak knew that he was looking at him, because Isak tensed up as if he was suddenly frozen still. 

 

As Even smoked, Isak sat silently for awhile, playing with his hands, a classic sign of overthinking. Even would know it anywhere. Isak had something to say, like it was sitting on the tip of his tongue, waiting to escape between the gaps in his teeth. But Isak wasn’t saying anything, and the atmosphere grew cold again. 

 

“What class are you in?” Isak asked, abruptly. Even was already staring at him.

 

“3STB.”

 

Isak nodded, “But…you didn’t go here last year?”

 

There it was. The question Even had been getting constantly ever since the school year started. Changing schools was hard, but changing schools your final year was even harder. It’s not something people climbing the social ladder do. By the time you are in your third year, you should already have your own group of friends and have set your place in the social hierarchy. 

 

But that wasn’t what bothered Even. Even didn’t care about popularity at all. What bothered Even was the reason why he switched schools, and how that was always the second question people would ask. Even would always make up a cheap lie, something easy for people to believe. But Even didn’t want to lie to Isak. The difference between Isak and everyone else was that Even could see a future with Isak. He wanted a future with Isak. Everyone else was just people he met in high school along the way. Acquaintances, at best. Even didn’t want to be acquaintances with Isak. He wanted more, much more. 

 

And that wasn’t even the worst part. No, not even close. He didn’t want to lie to Isak, knowing that eventually, omitting information is considered lying. And to grow into a relationship with someone without them knowing everything about you first is dishonest and unhealthy. Something he’d learned in therapy along the way, never caring for it until now. He so desperately wanted Isak to know everything about him, but Even knew, of all people, how scary he could get. How scary his life can get, and how scary it has been in the past. He had just met Isak, and he didn’t want to scare him away. One day, he might trust Isak enough to tell him about the darkest parts that laid inside. But that isn't something you tell an acquaintance.

 

“No, Bakka,” Even said.

 

Isak moved his head closer to Even, a weird smile on his face. Even was confused at his sentiment.

 

“You transferred your final year?” Isak asked, taking the blunt from Even.

 

Even was about to answer when a girl walked up to them.

 

“So this is where you are,” she said, “Hey.”

 

Even turned his head from Isak’s direction towards the girl. He sized her up, trying to figure out what her deal was. _How does she know Isak? Who is she to Isak?_ Even could feel the jealousy start to pool inside his stomach. He knew it was ridiculous, it’s not like he had some sort of claim over Isak, they had only just met after all. But dammit, _I called him so_ ** _go away_**. 

 

“Hi…” Isak said.

 

The girl didn’t take Even’s silent hint. 

 

“We’re in the process of grouping up, and we’ll have to be in pairs. And I don’t really know a lot of people. Or, I mean, I know Maria, but she’s with Lea. So I was wondering if you wanted to pair up with me?”

 

Even’s brows furrowed, and he could feel the frown lines carving themselves into his forehead. Is this girl serious? _You’re going to walk over here, interrupt us, and then try to steal my man?_

 

Even panicked. He didn’t want to lose Isak to this girl, after he had worked so hard to get Isak to have a conversation with him. He didn’t waste all that paper for nothing. 

 

He shoved his shoulder into Isak’s as a quick gesture, and said, “I thought we were in a group together?”

 

Isak blinked a few times before returning Even’s gaze. He seemed confused, and Even was really hoping Isak would take the bait. Isak licked his lips, as he was weighing his options. Even couldn’t control the butterflies that sparked in his stomach, and his lack of control around Isak was getting super annoying by now. Still, Even was hungry for more. He wanted to take this feeling and form his entire life around it. He wanted this feeling to become permanent, and he wanted it to never fade. 

 

“I had…kind of agreed to be in a group together with…” Isak cleared his throat.

 

Fuck. Even had built himself a home in his uncomfortableness and never once thought to tell Isak his name. To Even, it felt like they already knew each other. But, he did stalk Isak for two months. Isak didn’t have that opportunity, and Even had been too focused on being Extra that he’d completely forgotten about it. 

 

“Even.” The slight smile that plastered Even’s face as he reached his hand out to the girl was returned by Isak’s. Even was extremely relieved that Isak agreed to be pairs with Even, if not only to prove that Isak was interested in getting to know more about him, at least as a friend.

 

“Emma.” The girl said, as she looked disapprovingly at Isak.

 

_So that was her name._

 

“I’m sure we could be three,” Emma said.

 

Even and Isak both looked at Emma blankly. _This girl can’t even take a verbal hint_ , Even thought.

 

Even frowned, “I think she said to be in pairs, but…” Even really didn’t want to be rude. That wasn’t in his nature. He was fighting the jealously hard, and had even bit back an eye roll or two. For some reason, when it came to Isak, Even was ready to fight. Okay, not physically or verbally, really, but this guy was quite determined. “I don’t care.” Even lied. 

 

Isak knew exactly what Even was doing. It was very obvious that Isak didn’t want to be with Emma either. Obvious to anyone BUT Emma. 

 

“Yeah, it did seem like Vilde was really clear on it having to be pairs. But, Jesus Christ, we could just ask…”

 

Even noticed Isak was avoiding being rude, too. A nice characteristic, but it left both Isak and Even slightly irritated and innately less excited. 

 

“Yeah! Okay! But…yeah. okay. We’ll do that then.” Emma started to sit next to Isak on the bench.

 

_Excuse me, that was not an invitation._

 

“Yeah, we’ll do that. I’m sure it will be okay.” Isak answered.

 

Emma bumped Isak as she sat down, which led to Isak bumping legs with Even. Even sucked in a breath at the touch. It was accidental, and gone almost as quickly as it had happened, but Even felt it linger in it’s absence. Isak was still only a few inches from Even, and Even could feel the body heat coming off of him. With Emma there, though, it was only increasingly awkward. It’s not easy to focus on the sexual tension with an elephant in the room. Or, on the bench. A metaphorical elephant, at least. 

 

Isak and Even and Emma sat silently for awhile. Even continued to smoke his blunt, and offered it to Isak again. Isak seemed to be lost in thought, as it took him a bit to notice Even’s outstretched hand in his direction. Isak was confused, acting as if he wasn’t just chilling with Even over a blunt a few minutes ago.

 

“Me?” Isak asked. Even nodded. “I’ve had enough.”

 

“Can I have a drag?” Emma asked. Even raised his eyebrows as he handed her the joint, his arm reaching across Isak. Isak’s body backed up suddenly, avoiding Even’s touch. Clearly, Even wasn’t the only one who had reacted to the leg-brushing from a few seconds ago. This approval warmed Even’s heart, and it fueled his hope that Isak could possibly feel the electricity that Even felt between them.

 

It was undeniable, in Even’s eyes. This isn’t something you just feel with all new people that you meet. This was special. Even knew that. Even had spent years wishing for it. He spent years falling in love with movies that displayed such an attraction so effortlessly, a love so eternal, so beautiful, so epic. With the brutalities of the everyday world, Even wasn’t so sure that this spark was real. Love at first sight seemed like something that only ever happened in those movies. Even had always believed in it, but always kept it caged as a concept and never something that could be practiced.

 

He was very sure of it now. There was no other explanation. It only took one look from Isak for Even to start falling apart. And his demise was only tumbling more and more towards rock bottom the more Isak talked, laughed, or did anything, really. Even was so in tune with Isak that it was like he could almost feel him in the vibrations of his surroundings. He could feel Isak looking at him without ever needing to look back. He could feel Isak around him, could feel it in the atmosphere. The environment was just different with Isak in it. Better, almost. 

 

Even had never been scared to love. He’d been scared to be loved, sure, but never to give it. And he had never limited himself by constraints of gender, race, religion, anything. He never saw a reason to, never understood it. If you love someone, then you just love them. Love was about the only thing Even was comfortable not having any control in. You can’t choose who you love. If it was ever that simple, there wouldn’t be so much heartbreak. Love was something Even thought about a lot, had become the central piece of his interest in media. You can’t be prejudiced and expect to form real relationships with people. Real connections. And that goes for relationships outside of romance, as well.

 

Even was lucky he had parents who were receptive to such ideas. They knew how open Even was to love, and accepted him completely for it. They really just wanted their boy to be happy.

 

Even loved his parents through everything, even though rifts were destined to be created, and had been. Even’s Bipolar Disorder for one, was something that strained the family from time to time. It was only natural, and his parents knew it wasn’t Even’s fault. They were very supportive and fought with Even through everything. They were especially there for Even last year, which had been arguably the hardest year of his entire life. Even pulled a lot of shit, some from his illness and some not. But, his family dealt with it and moved past it, which was great because it helped Even to do the same. Now, it was just another skeleton in his closet. Something he only had to deal with on the nights his mind wanted to reach into the depths of the dark closet and pull it out. 

 

Even eventually stopped his mind to focus on this one thought that had been nagging at him ever since Isak had sat down on the bench next to him.

 

 

Sitting here with Isak on this crisp, autumn night, Even realized two things. 

 

 

 

 

> _1\. His Extra-ness was something to be feared, and_
> 
>   
>  _2\. Even was falling for Isak. **Hard**. And he didn’t want to stop._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! It honestly means the world to me if you were able to get through it.
> 
> Don't worry I already have chapter 2 written and am currently writing chapter 3 of which will be posted soon :)
> 
> If you liked it please leave a kudos, I really appreciate it!!
> 
> And if you want to scream with me about Even and Isak feel free to message me at www.evenbakkas.tumblr.com !!


	2. Sesong 3 Episode 2 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is determined to figure out if Isak is interested in him. Isak and Even do the Weed. They share some moments over cheese toasties. Isak screams about spices.
> 
>  
> 
> "I’m interested in you too, Isak. I promise. Don’t give up on me just yet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter!! Woo-hoo!!
> 
> I think most of these chapters will average around 6k words but who knows sometimes I feel like my hands have a mind of their own :)
> 
> Can we all put our hands together for blushing Isak though
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and please give me feedback!!!

Even ended up missing school the first two days of the week because of a depressive episode. It was a milder one to most, one where he mostly slept the entire day and wouldn’t let his mind concentrate on any one thing long enough to piece it together. Eating was hard, and his parents did their best to coax him to eat something small every once in awhile. But mostly, Even was left alone in his room, a method of which he preferred. He hated feeling trapped and grew anxious at the thought. His parents knew that. 

 

Being alone in his room for a few days meant that whenever he wasn’t sleeping, he would be scrolling the internet. And, occasionally, stalking Isak on it. 

 

The first thing Even learned was that Isak’s last name was Valtersen. _Isak Valtersen_. The name sounded so beautiful coming out of Even’s mouth.

 

Even could spend hours looking through Isak’s Facebook and Instagram. Staring at the pictures. Laughing at his new posts. And, cringing at his Facebook profile picture. _A late “internet 2010” meme_? He was, frankly, slightly embarrassed **for** Isak.

 

Stalking was difficult due to the fact that Even didn’t currently have any social media. He was thankful he found a way to acquire the website URL’s so that he was able to conduct his intensive Isak research. That boy was quickly becoming the center of Even’s life.

 

By Wednesday, Even was feeling better enough to return to school. The thought of seeing Isak in person again after last Friday made Even’s heart swirl inside his chest. He made sure to wear his sexiest clothes and to style his hair to just the right amount of height. Even wasn’t afraid to admit that he wanted Isak to drool at the sight of him. All aboard the Extra Train. 

 

After school, Even decided to head out to the courtyard. He was going to meet a few of his friends before heading home. As he spotted them across the lot, he noticed Isak and his friends talking with Vilde off in the distance. Isak was wearing a grey windbreaker and a grey snapback. Even commended past Isak for his clothing choices this morning. He really, for lack of a better word, looked hot as fuck. If Isak was trying to impress him, he knocked that shit out of the park. Even was rendered speechless, and he could feel his jeans tightening. _Great._  

 

Even remembered that he, too, had spent effort in his outfit this morning. It was already the end of the school day, and this was the first time he had seen Isak. He was going to make sure Isak witnessed it. Even started walking towards his friends, slightly strutting his way down the concrete. He placed his hands in his pockets and a cigarette behind his ear. Cool by Definition. 

 

As soon as Even started to walk past Isak, Even started getting that warm feeling again. It was almost like the colors were wielding their way back into Even’s life, one that had been mostly dull the past few days. Despite the grey clouds thickly painting the sky, Even could feel the suns rays on his face. He couldn’t help but look towards the source of this intense heat.

 

_Isak._

 

Isak was staring at Even, his eyes thinly slit and focused on Even’s every move. Even matched his eyes with Isak’s, and he could suddenly feel himself split with reality and transcend into a universe of only Isak and Even.

 

Even held his gaze with Isak, and he watched the emotions on Isak’s face change. He knew Isak was questioning what exactly was happening right now. This was the first time Isak didn’t silently apologize by averting his eyes. Isak was completely, unapologetically, and undeniably staring at Even with the weight of a thousand suns. And Even did his best not to think about how delicious Isak’s lips were.

 

He failed. 

 

By the time he finally reached his friends, Even knew Isak was still staring at him. He pretended to concentrate on something his friend was saying, but instead was too focused with putting on his sunglasses and leaning into the brick wall. Nothing was cooler than that, if you asked Even.

 

Even could see Emma walking towards Isak and his friends from the corner of his eye. Now that Isak was beginning to return Even’s sentiments, the jealousy was even worse. Even knew what teens were like these days. Sleeping around, hopping from one person to the next. As a hopeless romantic, Even wasn’t really into that scene. He hoped Isak wasn’t either. He wanted the opportunity to sweep Isak off of his feet. But that would never happen if Emma also had Isak’s attention.

 

Even had to get rid of her. Somehow. There wasn’t anything malicious about it, he really had nothing against Emma. If she wasn’t so into Isak, Even could pass her in the hallways smoothly.

 

But, jealously was a hard feeling to ignore. It left a sick, acidic taste in Even’s mouth. Especially because it seemed like Emma had no issues just walking straight up to Isak and displaying her affection. Even, on the other hand, had to be careful. It wasn’t as simple for a guy to express his feelings for another guy as easily as it was to catch those feelings. There were so many stereotypes associated with sexuality that Even sometimes felt overwhelmed. He loved Isak so effortlessly, it was hard for him to imagine other people trying to put a cap on such love.

 

And, being the amazing human reader that Even was, he knew Isak would shy away from any feelings he might have for Even. Isak was probably the most uncomfortable person Even had ever met. He noticed the layers of struggle wrapped around Isak from the moment he first laid his eyes on him. Even had to be patient. 

 

And that definitely didn’t help his situation with Emma. Emma could be so open with Isak and go after him and Even was left constrained. Trapped. And Even didn’t like those odds one bit. 

 

If anything, this made Even more determined than he was before. Their official meeting had confirmed, to Even anyway, that Isak was boyfriend material. I mean, anyone who can be confronted with your lameness and still want to talk to you afterwards is a keeper. 

 

And those lips. If dating was just about superficial attributes, he could date those lips alone. They were the perfect amount of dainty and cute and the way Isak licked them made Even feel like he was doing cartwheels. Even couldn’t even comprehend what it would feel like to kiss them. That was more next level shit Even had never experienced before. The image of his and Isak’s lips fitting together in a mind numbing kiss stained Even’s brain and refused to wash out. 

 

Even was persistent on making it happen. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even spent more time than he probably should have thinking about his first kiss with Isak. His days were filled with wandering thoughts of Even leaning over Isak, bending down slightly to peck his lips or, Even placing Isak on a kitchen countertop so that he was equal with his height. School had been getting increasingly difficult with all of these distractions. Even had always done decent in school, some classes better than others, but now it seemed he was slacking in all of his studies. Given Even’s attitude about the education system, he wondered if he really cared.

 

And isn’t love more important? He could feel the eye rolls he would get from all of the science geeks and grown adults responding to that statement. At his school in Elvebakken, the liberal arts had been a major focus in their teachings and Even thrived in this environment. At Hartvig Nissen, he barely cared enough to lift a pencil. 

 

The only thing that kept him going throughout the day was Isak. Isak excited parts inside Even that he didn’t even know he had. It was giddy excitement, too. The kind that made your stomach fill with butterflies and your cheeks burn from how wide you would involuntarily smile. 

 

Even still couldn’t deny that a small part of him felt guilty that he was letting himself feel these things for Isak while he was with Sonja. He had wanted to break up with her for months now, even before he had seen Isak on the first day of school. And he would have done it, if it wasn’t for the dynamics of their relationship. No matter how much Even hated it, Sonja knew him better than anyone else. She knew what was good for him, and she was always right. Underneath all of her passive aggressiveness. Sonja was exactly the type of parter Even needed.

 

But Even didn’t want that. Not at all. Over the years, he grew tired of everyone controlling him. That was what sparked his anxiety towards feeling trapped in the first place. And as much as his family and friends would try to give him space, at the end of the day, they never really let go of the leash. 

 

Even was tired of everything being so predictable. He was tired of being in a position where he would be scolded like a small child every time he did something wrong. He wasn’t a child. He could take care of himself. For the most part, anyway. It wasn’t his fault he needed help sometimes. He just wished some people understood that they were hurting more than they were helping, regardless of their good intentions. 

 

Even was now standing on the train, ready to head home. He had invited his girlfriend and some friends to a pregame later tonight, and he had to clean the house up a bit. In truth, he really wasn’t all that excited about it. It was more of the same old shit.

 

The door was about to close as Isak walked onto the train, eyes focused in on his phone screen. Even’s stomach dropped and his heart started racing. _What the fuck?_

 

Isak’s eyes continued looking down as he shuffled over to stand next to a pole and coincidentally, next to Even. It was clear Isak hadn’t noticed Even at all.

 

Even stared at Isak for awhile, waiting for him to finally look up. When he didn’t, Even decided to break the silence himself.

 

“Halla,” Even said.

 

Isak glanced up at Even, surprised. Even kept a firm smile on his face.

 

“Halla?” Isak choked out, making his greeting sound more like a question. 

 

Even raised his eyebrows, “On your way home?”

 

“Yeah. You, too?”

 

Even quickly nodded. This conversation was staler than the bag of potato chips in his room that he’d been too preoccupied to throw away.

 

Isak was back to looking down again, only this time he was staring at the ground instead of his phone. More silence.

 

Even gazed out the window, a smirk forming on his face. He bit back a laugh as he pursed his lips at Isak. If Isak was trying to pretend he wasn’t nervous, he was failing miserably. Even could feel how uncomfortable he was. Isak let himself look at Even again, but this time he was smiling. Even wished he could take a photo and capture the moment. That way once he got home, he could draw it and hang it up on his wall filled with his favorite things.

 

The tension was growing more and more as the seconds rolled by. Even started panicking, unsure of what to say. _Why do I always have so much trouble speaking around him?_

 

“Awesome conversation, though.” Even laughed. He hoped cracking a joke about the awkward atmosphere would lighten it up a bit. He’d also hoped he would get to hear Isak’s laugh, another one of his favorite things. 

 

He did, and Isak’s laugh made Even beam even more. The train was filled with silence again, but this time you could feel the echoes of laughter hanging above their heads. Even no longer wanted to go home. He wanted to stay on the train with Isak for hours and listen to hi talk about himself. He wanted to get to know Isak so that they could become more than just acquaintances. He wanted Isak to want him as much as he wanted Isak. A mouthful of promises on the horizon, out in the distance but begging to come closer. To become reality rather than a daydream. 

 

“You’re…you’re 18, right?” Isak suddenly asked. 

 

Even snapped out of his trance and nodded frantically. He was technically 19, but correcting Isak didn’t seem to fight it’s way through the knots in Even’s stomach. He swallowed slowly, trying to calm himself down but knowing it wouldn’t change as long as Isak was this close to him. Even tried not to think about how easy it would be to lean down and kiss him and his beautiful lips. _Be patient._

 

“Could you possibly buy some beer?” It was as if a lightbulb had gone off in Isak’s head, and Even didn’t care that Isak was basically using him for alcohol. Because a lightbulb had also gone off in Even’s head, and he simply couldn’t ignore such a great idea.

 

Once they reached the store, having walked in silence yet again, only this time it was a comfortable quietness, with Even spending the entire time trying not to think about how it would feel to hold Isak’s hand, Even went inside to buy the beer as Isak waited for him outside.

 

_Time to place the plan into action._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even spent a few minutes inside, which was necessary in order for his plan to seem convincing. Isak hadn’t given him any specific beer to buy, so Even was peering into the glass of each refrigerated stack of shelves. Eventually, he nodded at the cashier and walked outside of the store, empty handed.

 

Isak looked at him as soon as he came into view. 

 

“I managed to forget my ID. I need to go home and get it. Join me.”

 

Even didn’t wait for a reply as Isak stood there, dumbfounded. He waltzed past Isak and kept walking down the sidewalk, a tactic that had clearly worked the first time they met. Even was praying it would have the same power now as it did then.

 

Isak continued to stand still on the sidewalk, confused. Even glanced back at him slightly, only to see him turn around and start walking towards Even, asking him to wait up.

 

_Plan successful._

 

 

* * *

 

As Isak and Even reached Even’s house, Even could feel Isak loosen up behind him. This boy, who had been so frigid and so closed off the first time they met was now letting himself open up to Even and Even was loving every minute of it. And he couldn’t believe he was _finally_ going to be alone with Isak after months of pining after him. Even if it took a small lie in order to get him here.

 

“Hello?!” Even asked, as soon as he’d opened the door, Isak standing behind him. When he realized no one was home, he quietly said, “Awesome,” as he removed his shoes.

 

Now that Even had lied about forgetting his ID, knowing damn well it was in his jacket pocket, he had to pretend to search for it. Right away, Even walked over to his bed and Isak cautiously followed. 

 

“I don’t get where I might’ve put it.”

 

Isak was too busy analyzing Even’s room to say anything back. Even watched him out of the corner of his eye. He wandered around Even’s room, bending over to stroke the guitar strings and stopping once he noticed the mural of drawings Even had hung up on his closet doors. Isak smiled.

 

“Did you draw these?” he asked. 

 

Even stopped mindlessly walking around his bedroom to answer, “Yeah.”

 

“They’re good.”

 

“Thanks,” Even said. He was a bit nervous that Isak could see into a part of his mind, as he expressed a lot of his thoughts through drawings. Most of them were disguised as shitty memes, though.

 

“Very funny.”

 

“You think so?” Even was surprised at Isak’s reaction, and it made him smile. No one besides his family had ever complimented his drawings before, and it meant a lot to Even that Isak didn’t judge him for them. Even felt like Jack Dawson in the Titanic, and he was ready to paint Isak like one of his French girls.

 

“Mhm.” Isak mumbled, still smiling.

 

After minutes of searching his apartment, Even finally found what he was actually looking for.

 

“Here it is!” Even exclaimed suddenly.

 

Isak was still focused on Even’s drawings. “Did you find it?”

 

“No, but…” Even was really going to use weed to draw Isak in again. He was a man of practicing things he knows would work, and he knew weed was like candy to Isak. Even had to stop himself from laughing at his creepy pedophile analogy. 

 

When Even trailed off, Isak looked over at him. Even was holding up a joint.

 

“Ayeee…” Isak hummed. Even chuckled at Isak’s loose vocabulary and set the joint behind his ear, then began to take off his jean jacket.

 

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, as he watched Even remove a piece of clothing.

 

Even stopped halfway and looked at Isak, a smile forming on his face. A true, genuine smile that reached his eyes. 

 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I prefer to be comfortable while smoking a joint.” Even laughed. 

 

“Right.” Isak replied quickly, removing his jacket as well. They both chucked them onto Even’s bunk bed. Even took a seat on his windowsill, gesturing for Isak to join him. Isak followed and sat across from him. 

 

“Do you want to take the first hit, or shall I?” Even raised his eyebrows as he lit the joint. Gentlemen offer weed to their beloved first, and Isak was a guest, after all.

 

Isak displayed a small smile, “You go ahead.”

 

“That’s chill. But you lost your opportunity at an Even-free hit.”

 

Isak laughed loudly, a laugh that was free of limitations and vaguely dosed with nervousness. Even joined in, and the two filled the room with their hysterics. Even handed Isak the blunt once he was finished, and Isak leaned forward to take it from him. Even kept his eyes on Isak the entire time, not shy of letting Isak know he was interested in him. That he’d been waiting for a moment like this since the first day of school. He was ready to experience these moments for the rest of his life. If someone were to ask him, in the future, when exactly he knew that Isak was the one, he knows he would weirdly relate back to this moment. Where the two of them could laugh and talk freely over a blunt, with comfort in the minor uncomfortableness. 

 

“How do you like Nissen?” Isak asked, after moments of soft nothingness. Even didn’t take a beat to answer.

 

“It’s alright. The people are great, but I miss Elvebakken. I liked the curriculum over there better,” Even replied. He hoped Isak wouldn’t ask him why he transferred.

 

“One of my friends was thinking about transferring there last year, but I told her not to because then she would become a stuck up media nerd.” Isak smirked slightly as he looked at Even.

 

Even pretended to be offended. “Huh?!” he scoffed, “We’re not stuck up!”

 

“Okay, okay, but you’re still media nerds.” Isak chuckled, and handed the blunt back to Even.

 

“We’re only passionate about our interests.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“So, tell me Isak, what are YOU interested in?”

 

“Science.”

 

“Oh, so you’re a science geek.”

 

“No!”

 

“If you ask me, media nerd beats science geek any day.”

 

It was Isak’s turn to scoff now. “Really? What is a media nerd going to do in a zombie apocalypse?”

 

Even couldn’t control his laughter, “A zombie apocalypse, are you serious? Coming from a science geek?”

 

“Listen, I’m just saying if it ever happened, I would know what to do in order to survive.”

 

“Isak, I think I’ve seen enough zombie movies to know what TO and what NOT TO do.” Even answered.

 

Isak chuckled at that, both of them noticing the conversation was bordering between normal and ridiculous.

 

“The media doesn’t portray zombie apocalypse’s accurately.” Isak said.

 

“Wow, you really are a science geek.”

 

Isak squinted his eyes at Even, who was only looking at Isak with silent wonder. Even was positive that Isak was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Both of them laughed off the conversation, as the weed started to set into their systems. 

 

“Yeah,” Isak replied, eventually, “But you haven’t missed a lot of school, right?”

 

Even inhaled smoke as he thought about it. He knew he had missed quite a few days because of his episodes, but he’d lost track. He didn’t want to tell Isak that. Not right now, anyway.

 

“Just…just left early, I don’t know? Like, is that okay?” Even asked.

 

Isak closed his eyes and smiled, “You haven’t gotten with the system, I don’t fucking know. I skipped a few classes, but…”

 

“What’s the limit?”

 

“The limit’s ten percent. But if the principle likes you, you get fifteen.” Isak looked back at Even and laughed, his eyes mischievously sparkling. 

 

Even couldn’t believe that. “Are you for real?!”

 

“Yeah, yeah. But I don’t think the principle likes me.” 

 

Isak and Even were laughing again. A sound that was heaven to Even’s ears. He’d never heard Isak laugh this much, and he thanked the weed for making it happen.

 

Even loved sitting here with Isak. This boy that he’d had a lowkey crush on for months. He could finally ask Isak about himself in person. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about him, and so that’s what he did.

 

“What do you listen to?” Even asked.

 

“Music?”

 

“Yeah, if you listen to music.”

 

“Uhm…I’m a pretty big fan of NWA, but…” As soon as Even heard a band, he cut Isak off.

 

“That’s what you listen to before school to get hyped?” Even laughed, and then cringed. He realized that his question revealed that Even had seen Isak in the morning with headphones in before school. Isak didn’t seem to notice, of which Even was thankful.

 

“Uh…It’s, like, the kind of music you listen to when you want to walk around and feel cool.”

 

Even knew who NWA were, he had listened to them many times before. Even was a huge fan of  the Rap/Hip Hop genre. But he loved hearing Isak talk about his interests, so he said nothing. 

 

“Have you listened to Nas?” Even asked, as Isak lowered his voice and mimicked NWA’s “Fuck tha Police.” Even couldn’t believe how undeniably cute it was.

 

“Mmm…Nas?” Isak questioned, clearly not familiar with the artist. 

 

“Are you kidding?!” Even was surprised. Nas was one of his favorite rappers. 

 

“Hmm?!” Isak replied, startled and a bit confused.

 

“You haven’t checked it out?”

 

“If I’ve listened to it? I’ve listened to it…” Isak was becoming less and less convincing by the second.

 

“Nas?”

 

“Nas? Nas. _Nas_?” Isak tried desperately to get the pronunciation correct.

 

“Have you even listened to it?” And Even was enjoying this more and more.

 

Isak started to get defensive, “I have listened to it a little!”

 

“It doesn’t sound like it!” 

 

It was adorable that Isak was trying to impress him. Even more adorable that he had gotten caught. Even noticed then that Isak’s cheeks were bright red, and his eyes were in his lap. He loved the affect he was having on Isak. What he wouldn’t do to reach over and touch Isak’s cheeks, just to feel the warmth as if to say, _“I did that.”_

 

“Fuck…” Isak spit out, “I’ve…listened to it.” 

 

Even leaned forward and handed the blunt back to Isak. He decided Isak had had enough torture.

 

“We’ll listen to him later.” Even finally said.

 

Isak looked at him, then, and Even couldn’t decipher the expression on his face. Isak didn’t answer Even, but he didn’t say no either. The night was young, and Even hoped Isak’s silence was a promise for the future.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you hungry?” Even asked a little while later, feeling himself coming down from his high, “I can make us something to eat.”

 

“Oh, so you cook?”

 

“I make a pretty mean cheese toast.”

 

Isak smiled, “Cheese toast it is, then.”

 

Even got up from sitting on his windowsill and walked into the kitchen, with Isak following silently behind him. It was amazing how much more comfortable Isak and Even were around each other now, it had felt like they had known each other for years. There wasn’t even anything romantic about it either - just two guys, chilling over a joint and making cheese sandwiches. Even loved the dynamic between the two of them. Talking to Isak was so unbelievably easy when Even wasn’t so giddy and nervous and ready to vomit from excitement. He sincerely hoped this foundation for their relationship would blossom into more, but right now he was all consumed with enjoying Isak’s company. He hadn’t had such a magnetic connection in a very long time. Probably never, actually.

 

While Even was rifling through the fridge, Isak had pulled one of the kitchen chairs next to the countertop. Even thought he was going to sit on it, but instead, Isak climbed on top so that he could sit on the counter. Even swallowed hard, trying not to think about the many fantasies he’d had about placing Isak on a kitchen countertop. It wasn’t working very well. 

 

Even waltzed over to Isak, who was smiling at him with a sparkle in his eyes. Even wanted to kiss Isak so badly, but he knew Isak wasn’t ready for that quite yet. He could tell Isak wasn’t comfortable with such intimacy, especially with someone of the same sex. Somehow, Isak had become a cold, bitter human in regards to letting himself feel. Whenever Even would read Isak, he always caught glimpses of Isak’s true emotions, but they’d always be quickly clouded with Isak trying to cover it up, trying to act cool. Never really being himself.

 

But, as of right now, with Isak staring at Even from the kitchen countertop and Even standing next to him, preparing the cheese toasties, Even could feel the difference radiating off of Isak. Isak was lighter, happier than Even had ever seen him before. To be fair, the weed had definitely had an impact, but Even was still convinced that he’d somehow played a part in welcoming the change. 

 

“That is one sweaty cheese,” Isak eventually said, catching Even off guard as he’d fallen deep inside his head again. 

 

“Yeah, I know…I managed to leave it out when I left for school today. So it’s been lying out, almost melting.”

 

Isak chuckled, which brought Even to ask, “Has it happened to you before?”

 

“Yeah! Yeah. I always forget cheeses…”

 

“Yeah, you as well?” Even was smiling so wide he thought the skin around his cheeks might tear open.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Fuck! That’s a first world problem.”

 

“Cheese and keys.”

 

Even laughed at that. This boy was too cute for words.

 

“And especially cumin cheese,” Isak said.

 

“Cumin cheese! Fuck, that one’s new.” Okay, Isak had officially surpassed his previous level of cuteness.

 

Isak laughed, “Those are the three things I forget a lot.”

 

Even left Isak then to walk over to the refrigerator, grabbing a beer from the bottom shelf.

 

“Beer?” Even asked. Isak simply nodded, his smile not once leaving his face.

 

“Here you go,” Even handed the beer to Isak, who took it graciously, “Cheers.”

 

“Cheers,” Isak replied.

 

Even and Isak both took a drink, and then set their beers down simultaneously. It was crazy how in sync they were with each other.

 

“So,” Even started, as he turned back to the cheese toasties, “What kind of spices would you like?”

 

Isak watched him intently, eyeing his every move. Even continued his parade of spices, acting very interested in his tiny rack of cooking materials.

 

“Let’s start with…Caribbean Jerk Barbecue?” Even glanced over at Isak.

 

Isak smiled, “Caribbean Jerk sounds…perfect. Go ahead.” 

 

“Chili?” Even asked.

 

“Chili. Always chili.”

 

Even laughed at Isak’s ridiculousness. Apparently, he was just as excited about spices as Even was.

 

“Rosemary?”

 

“Rosemary? Yeah, a lot!”

 

“A lot of Rosemary, okay. A lot, a lot, a lot. I’ll just load it up.” Even was amused at Isak’s excitement. He couldn’t believe what a dork his heart had picked to have a crush on. Nevertheless, Even was prepared to give Isak whatever he wanted. 

 

“Even more?” Even was silently hoping Isak knew his spice boundaries. 

 

“Nah, that’s enough.” _Good job, baby._

 

Isak’s face grew redder and redder as he realized Even was reaching for another spice. At this point, Even was just milking Isak’s ability to be an adorable little shit.

 

“Pottagaldrar?”

 

Isak had never heard of this spice before, judging by the fact that he questioned the name. “Pottagaldrar?”

 

“Pottagaldrar.”

 

“Uh, yeah?!” Isak seemed uneasy with his life choices, but Even continued to litter the spice over the cheese toasties. 

 

As Even spread the spice over the toast evenly, Isak became distracted by his phone, his face falling and frown lines appearing in his forehead. He was still cute, to Even, but Even noticed his sudden disinterest in cooking. As a lame attempt to grab his attention again, Even asked Isak, “Cinnamon?”

 

Even was expecting Isak to deny this, to claim that that was possibly the worst idea ever known to man. But, alas, Isak turned to Even and said, “Yeah, fuck it.”

 

Well, this is it. Even had to accept that his time had come, and he was about to fail at making “mean” cheese toast. All because of the little shit on the countertop sitting next to him. He would be more angry if he wasn’t slowly melting every time Isak became giddy and excited.

 

Even laughed obnoxiously, looking between Isak and the cheese toasties. What a mess.

 

“I think it’s going to taste like balls,” Even spit out between his laughter.

 

If Even thought Isak’s face was red before, it was a tomato now. Isak hid his face behind his phone and groaned, clearly embarrassed by Even’s assumption. Even continued to live for the moments when he could see his affect on Isak.

 

“But, there’s no turning back now,” Even admitted.

 

Isak shared his statement. “No,” he shook his head, “There’s no turning back now.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When the cheese toasties were done cooking, Even let Isak pick the sauce to put on top of them. This failed masterpiece was Isak’s doing, after all. Once Isak was done squirting the sauce on top of the toast, he handed the bottle back to Even. Even grabbed the bottle from Isak, their hands brushing against each other’s for a quick second. Even and Isak both looked up at each other at the same time, eyes wide and glistening at the sensation. Isak averted his eyes quickly, and cleared his throat as Even walked over to the fridge to put the bottle away. The atmosphere had grown foggy again, and Even could feel the warmth reach his cheeks. He tried to cover it up by quickly grabbing his plate and asked Isak to follow him into his bedroom. He realized afterward the sexual connotations that could go along with that statement. 

 

Isak followed Even into his bedroom, beer and toast in hand. They both decided to take a seat on the floor, and Even felt himself tense up, noticing his hand hadn’t stopped tingling since the incident a few minutes ago. _Cool._  

 

Even and Isak decided to take a bite of the toast together, knowing they were in this together and if they were going to go down, like if this toast was going to kill them, well, they would die by each other’s side. 

 

Even crunched his face up at the bitter taste. “There’s something not quite right with it,” he finally said. 

 

“It’s absolutely terrible.” Isak blurted out. Even couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Isak’s bluntness. 

 

“It’s so bad, it’s kind of good,” Even lied, trying to cover up the fact that he’d failed at cooking for Isak. Even though Isak was asking for it with his “Fuck It” attitude. 

 

“No! It was so bad, it got even worse.”

 

Even feigned insult, “Excuse me! You were the one who wanted us to put on all of those spices!”

 

“It’s really important to have a lot of kardemomme.”

 

“That’s the trick?”

 

“Kardemomme!” Isak screeched. Even broke down into a fit of giggles, Isak joining in. The nervousness from their hands touching had evaporated from the environment and had been replaced with light admiration. 

 

“For it to taste good?” Even choked out between his laughter. 

 

Isak smiled, a smile that was laced with a smirk, “Mhm.”

 

“You’re such a dork, Isak.”

 

“I am not!”

 

“You’re literally yelling over spices. What do you call that?”

 

“Maybe I just have expensive tastes.”

 

“Says the guy drinking cheap beer over cheese toast.”

 

“You sure as hell weren’t complaining.”

 

“I can hear the echoes of ‘Kardemomme!’ in my walls, Isak.”

 

“Whatever.” Isak rolled his eyes, his cheeks forming that familiar shade of red again. Even should start keeping tallies on how many times he can make Isak blush.

 

“Have you heard rumors about my rapping?” Isak asked, promptly.

 

 _Oh, this should be interesting._ “Actually, I have.” Even replied. He hadn’t, but it wouldn’t be Even and Isak if Even wasn’t entertaining Isak’s ability to be _so fucking endearing_. 

 

“Give me a beat.”

 

“Okay, fine.” Even wasn’t that great at beatboxing, but Isak’s wish was Even’s command. 

 

Isak took a deep breath, preparing himself for the fire he was about to spin.

 

“ **E-BOX, GIVE ME THE BEAT.** ”

 

Even tried so hard to focus on beat boxing. He really did. But, with Isak vibing off of Even the way he was, his head of hair bouncing up and down with an incredible amount of vigor, it was just too much to handle, and Even lost it. 

 

He started laughing uncontrollably, to which Isak shouted, “Come on! Get it together!”

 

The two of them really were a pair. This is how it truly should be, Isak and Even meeting together and cooking meals for “kosegruppa”. No Emma involved, just Even and his Isak. Even had to keep reminding himself that Isak wasn’t his, not yet. And Even was all too aware that Emma was still a major threat. But, sitting here with Isak right now, these moments were theirs. These moments couldn’t be shared with anyone else, they solely belonged to Even and Isak. And Even wanted to sit here forever so that they would never end.

 

The doorbell rang in the distance. Even was snapped so quickly out of his sentimental ideas that he’d wondered if this was what it felt like to be concussed. It took Even a moment to realize what the sound meant, but once he did, his face fell and he closed his eyes.

 

“ ** _Fuck_**. What time is it?”

 

“Hmmm…ten to eight,” Isak replied lightly. 

 

Even started to get up, his excitement lessening more and more by the second.

 

“I invited some friends to a pregame, but you’re welcome to stay. I have a lot of beer.” Even desperately hoped Isak wouldn’t leave, but he was increasingly nervous having Isak and Sonja in the same room together. This really wasn’t a good time for Even to be dealing with this.

 

“Yeah,” Isak answered quietly. It was obvious Isak’s excitement had dropped as well. 

 

_Fuck. I’m so sorry, Isak. Your face is just so distracting I completely forgot._

 

Of course, Even couldn’t use that excuse. He imagined what it would be like to say that out loud, but decided against his better judgment that it just wasn’t a good idea. No matter how much he meant it. 

 

When Even reached the front door, he noticed Sonja standing there with two other friends, Eskil and Elise. “Hey,” he said.

 

“Hey,” they all replied.

 

Even stood there awkwardly a moment, the fleeting thought of slamming the door and running away in his mind. Maybe if he closed his eyes, they would go away. He closed his eyes quickly, which really looked more like a prolonged blink. 

 

_Nope. Still there._

 

“Fuck,” he said, gesturing for them to come inside, “I’d almost forgotten, but it’s really nice that you showed up. Thanks. What are the plans for tonight?”

 

“There’s a list, so…” Eskil said.

 

“I have the list, I’m responsible for the list,” Sonja answered, as she noticed Isak standing in Even’s bedroom. “So…hi.”

 

“You guys can introduce yourselves.” Even was trying to act happy, but he really was more disappointed at being interrupted than anything else. 

 

“Hi. Elise.”

 

“Isak. Pleasure.”

 

“Eskil.”

 

“Isak.”

 

Sonja was about to speak, but Even cut her off, “And this is Sonja. My girlfriend.”

 

Isak’s face turned from a smile to a slight frown. “Sonja,” she said. 

 

Isak looked between Even and Sonja. Even couldn’t help but silently hope that Isak was jealous, if only to prove that Isak was for sure into him. Isak introduced himself to Sonja, and then he looked at the ground. _Hmm, that’s not really an answer, is it?_

 

Even knew he shouldn’t play with Isak’s feelings. He knew it wasn’t a good idea. But dammit, Even was desperate. He had felt so much electricity since the very first time they met, and he wanted to know if Isak could feel it, too. He didn't want to have to cling to a bunch of strings anymore. 

 

“You’re girlfriend has become seller of the month at work,” Sonja told Even.

 

“Are you for real?” Even asked, intending his excitement to be as genuine as it sounded to him. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What?!” _Dramatic as hell_. Even could feel Isak’s eyes burning into his skin.

 

“Don’t overreact, though.”

  
  
“You’re so talented!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s great. So I get extra…”

  
  
“Let me be a little proud, though.” Okay, so he actually meant that. He was happy for Sonja.

 

“Yeah…you can be proud. I got a wine from Trond. He’s always so angry and grumpy, but…”

 

“Your flirty boss?” Yup, Isak was still staring at him. 

 

“He flirted a little, but that’s okay,” Sonja answered. Even took this opportunity to kiss Sonja, who welcomed the kiss with ease. 

 

He didn’t want to admit he mostly kissed Sonja just to make Isak jealous. Or, in hopes he would make Isak jealous. Even felt guilty about it, but also thrilled at the prospect of Isak possibly being jealous, which would mean he had feelings in return. Which is why Even kept kissing Sonja, backing up slightly as they got further into it. Even could feel Isak’s eyes disappear from his skin and fall somewhere else. When Sonja and Even finally stopped, Isak was staring down at his phone, his face slightly red, but not blushing. No, this was a different shade of red, one Even guessed was filled with anger. He didn’t think he would affect Isak this much by making out with Sonja in front of him, but now he was thinking to himself if having this small confirmation was worth making Isak pissed off. He wanted to apologize straight away, but knew that that was something he simply could not do.

 

As his friends all sat down on his bedroom floor,  and Sonja went into the kitchen to grab beer, Even looked at Isak, who was still concentrated on his phone. When Isak realized Even was looking at him, he cautiously rose from his phone screen to look back. When their eyes connected, Even smiled a small, sad smile and tilted his head to the side. It was unbearable to have Isak here, next to him, without a smile. Without a sparkle in his eyes. He then looked into Isak’s eyes fiercely, filled with emotion, as if to silently say,

 

 

_I’m interested in you too, Isak. I promise. Don’t give up on me just yet._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is!!! Chapter 2!!!
> 
> I for real just want Isak and Even to stop playing games and so I can write them being grossly cute and adorable together I'm just so excited :)))
> 
> I get that some of this may seem OOC given how Even seemed confident as fuck when he first met Isak but lets be real, he was a goner for Isak since the first goddamn day of school so
> 
> Also its AU mixed with canon!!! So some of it is just my interpretation of Even :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!!! Remember to scream at me on www.evenbakkas.tumblr.com !!!


	3. Sesong 3 Episode 3 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will protect you for as long as you let me, baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAHHH here's chapter 3!! I went a little crazy while writing so this chapter is over 7k words...I just can't get enough of Even and Isak!!
> 
> Please leave a comment or a kudos or anything if you enjoy reading this!!
> 
> And don't forget to scream at me at www.evenskardemomme.tumblr.com !

_“It ain’t hard to tell, I excel, then prevail, The mic is contacted, I attract clientele…”_

 

Nas flittered around Even’s room with his stimulating words, and Even threw himself into the lyrics. Illmatic was his favorite album of all time, so yes, Even knew all of the words to each and every song. 

 

Even had begun spending his Sunday drawing pictures of Isak. He’d woken up around noon, and immediately had a stroke of inspiration. _Isak Valtersen as a snake._

 

It had been a joke in the beginning, but now Even was 6 drawings deep inside the depths of his mind. He had no idea where Isak as a snake had come from, but he was alive for all of it. He’d drawn Isak as a garden snake, an anaconda, and even a boa constrictor. There were no bounds when it came to Snake Isak. 

 

So, here he was, laughing at himself while listening to Nas on a Sunday afternoon. It was all good fun, and Even was thinking about maybe one day showing the drawings to Isak. He’s sure he would get a kick out of them.

 

After Even had kissed Sonja on Friday, the dynamic between Even and Isak completely changed. Isak had become distant and cold, and spent the rest of the night unable to look Even in the eye. Even was desperate to just scream, _“I like you, idiot!”_ in Isak’s face and he almost did at one point, just to get Isak to look at him. But neither Even nor Isak were ready for that explanation. And Even couldn’t do that to Isak, who he had observed was closeted beyond belief. 

 

Isak didn’t stay very long after that. After about an hour, Isak claimed that he was really tired and that he should head home. Even wanted to go with him, to make sure he got home okay, or to at least call a cab for him, but Isak wouldn’t allow it. He closed the front door without so much as a word. 

 

Sonja had asked Even what his deal was, to which he replied _“I don’t fucking know,”_ despite the fact that Even _did fucking know_ and was down the entire rest of the night.

 

He spent Saturday under his blanket, headphones in and the world out. He fucked up and didn’t happen to get Isak’s number before he’d left his place, so he had no way of seeing if Isak was okay. Instead, he spent the day pining over Isak on Instagram. _He was so fucking gone._

 

Flash forward to the present, Sunday, and maybe Even had finally let his phone screen fade to black, but he was still seeing Isak’s face all over his sketchpad. He just couldn’t seem to get away, and he really didn’t want to. 

 

After a few hours of transforming Isak from a snake into a prince, which was untraditional, to say the least, Even finally let himself check Instagram again. He was met with a picture of Isak’s friends and the caption, “7 balls.” Even cackled at how embarrassing he was. 

 

By Tuesday, Even had heard that Isak was hosting the kosegruppa party at his place with kollectivet. Apparently, it was supposed to have a neon theme. Even couldn’t wait to see Isak all dressed up. 

  
At some point, he’d noticed Isak’s snapback wedged between the wall and his bunkbed. Once he reached for it and straightened it out, he wore that shit for the rest of the night. 

 

He wanted to give Isak back his snapback, but at the same time, he really didn’t. It smelled like him, and Even had gotten used to falling asleep wearing it after just one night. He’d formed a weird sense of attachment to this thing. 

 

Every time he’d seen Isak, it just wasn’t the right time to approach him. He’d even worn the snapback to school in hopes that Isak would see him in the hallway and approach him instead. He didn’t. 

 

It was after lunch when Even finally decided to march over to Isak and talk to him. He might be with his friends, but Even was growing more and more impatient with himself and he just needed to fucking reach Isak already. 

 

Even ambushed Isak and his friends, taking the hat off of his head and throwing it in Isak’s direction. Isak looked like he’d seen a ghost as he fumbled to catch the hat.

 

“You forgot this on Friday,” Even said. Isak stayed silent, staring at Even with a blank, almost terrified face. Even couldn’t understand why he was so bewildered at Even’s presence. He hadn’t forgotten him already, had he?

 

“It’s yours?” Even asked.

 

“I…think that’s mine,” one of his friends said. 

 

Isak still wasn’t talking, and that’s when the realization dawned on Even. _His friends didn’t know._

 

They had no idea Isak had been over to Even’s on Friday. Even pondered why he might have kept it a secret from them, until he came to the conclusion that Isak must have thought there were grounds enough to keep their moments a secret in the first place. Which, incidentally, further validated the fact that Isak felt something for Even. He just didn’t want his friends to know. 

 

And Even completely respected that. He wasn’t about to catch Isak in his lie and call him out in front of his friends. If keeping it from Isak’s friends was protecting Isak, then that’s exactly what Even was going to do. 

 

“Forgot where?” another friend asked.

 

Even glanced at Isak once more, who still looked like a deer in headlights, and said, “In the cafeteria.” And then he was off, leaving Isak and his friends speechless. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

On Thursday, Sonja informed Even that she would be accompanying him to the kosegruppa party tomorrow. Even told her that she didn’t have to do that, but she insisted to go if only to make sure he didn’t drink too much alcohol. Even hated how controlling Sonja was, but he was more uncomfortable with her trying to live another year of high school through him. He’d passed just being tired of it and had grown massive amounts of irritable. 

 

The two of them were chilling on Even’s bunkbed, cuddling. Even had wanted to play some music, so he took out his phone and turned on a Spotify playlist filled with 90’s rap and hip hop songs. Sonja continued to push Even’s buttons.

 

“Even, you know what alcohol does to you when you mix it with your medication,” she said.

 

“Maybe I’ll skip a dose of my medication, then,” Even teased. 

 

Sonja turned around so that she was facing him, “Even, this is serious.”

 

“Relax, Sonja. I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

 

“The last time you drank excessive amounts of alcohol, you climbed to the roof of the flat building because you were convinced if you laid there long enough, aliens would come and abduct you. It was 3am and you were up there for 6 hours.”

 

That hurt. Even hated, _hated_ when Sonja would take his episodes and throw them in his face. It wasn’t his fault that his mind would completely shut down sometimes and he would loose all control. 

 

But she was right. And that’s what bothered Even the most about himself. No matter how much he wanted to be a normal guy, someone who could go out and have fun and party and drink themselves blind, he couldn’t. He was restricted by his illness, his medications, the people surrounding him. He just wanted to have fun without having to worry about when he would break next, and what shit his mind would pull this time. 

 

“I’m just here to help you, Even,” Sonja said, “Let me help you.”

 

Even didn’t want Sonja at the kosegruppa party, but he really had no choice. He knew Sonja wasn’t going to let it go. He was just so sick and tired of her treating him like a child. He didn’t need her help. He didn’t need her sick sympathy, or the way she acted like she knew what it was like to suffer from Bipolar Disorder. She had no fucking idea what it was really like. 

 

“Plus, I’m your girlfriend, Even. You should want me there.”

 

What he wanted was the opportunity to talk to Isak without his girlfriend hovering nearby, but he quietly agreed so that she would stop pestering him. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even had never been to Isak’s shared flat before, and he was excited to see where Isak spent the majority of his time when he wasn’t out partying or at school. Sonja and Even had decided to take a cab to kollectivet, and Even was grateful that the atmosphere between them was lighter than it was yesterday. It would make the pregame party much easier to deal with. 

 

Even wasn’t planning on drinking that much, he really was just going so that he could see Isak again. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since he’d returned his snapback a few days ago. Isak had feelings for him, Even was sure of it now more than ever. It didn’t matter to Even that Isak wanted to keep that part of him a secret. No one needed to know what went on between them, not until Isak was ready.

 

Even just needed to make Isak his. He was tired of being supremely jealous every second of every day that Isak continued to hang around Emma. The thought made him sick to his stomach. Granted, he had to remind himself that he was still with Sonja, and it wasn’t like he was innocent. Even’s little stunt from the other night had proved that. 

 

Once Sonja and Even reached kollectivet, Vilde was at the door to greet them. Sonja and Vilde introduced themselves to each other, Even letting her know that Sonja was his girlfriend, and then Even heard a voice filter it’s way throw the crowd of people and grace his ears.

 

_Isak._

 

Isak was sitting with Emma on a couch in the short distance. Both of them were very close to each other and laughing, and Even had to keep himself from marching up to her and saying, _“This boy is mine. Back off.”_

 

Even kept near his girlfriend, until Isak noticed his presence. Even froze in the archway as Isak’s eyes burrowed into his. His face was decorated with neon pink streaks as if to illustrate that he was permanently blushing. His hair was styled in just the right way for Even to swoon over his looks. He could feel the nervous sweats start to set in against his skin as he threw his jean jacket over his shoulder, trying to play it cool. His eyes never once left Isak’s.

 

Isak eventually took a swig of his beer and glanced at the ground before crashing his lips onto Emma’s.

 

_Oh._

 

_Ohhh._

 

_So this was how it was going to be._

 

Even couldn’t help the low growl that escaped his lips, and he prayed the people around him were talking too loud to hear it. Even hadn’t noticed, but Sonja had left his side at some point and was chatting with Vilde across the room. So, here he stood, his face growing redder and redder by the second. His fists clenched up involuntarily. 

 

It took Even a short beat before he was walking over to Isak and Emma with long, determined strides. He had never been this jealous in his entire life, and he wasn’t going to just let the feeling sit and bury itself into his stomach. No, he was going to stop it. 

 

Even knew Isak was just playing the same exact game Even had played just a short week ago. He knew he deserved it. But man, did it fucking suck being on the other side of it. 

 

Even plopped himself down on the couch next to Emma, which Isak noticed right away, and disconnected his lips from Emma’s. Even felt the metaphorical hands slightly lessen their hold on his throat. 

 

“I think you guys are bonding a little too much over here,” Even said, nonchalantly. As if he wasn’t ready to explode from jealousy. _Those lips are mine._

 

“Endre!” Emma exclaimed, as she invited Even into a hug. Even didn’t want to be rude, so he welcomed her in. 

 

“Hey!” he said, “I thought we were a team?”

 

He directed that question at Isak, who was silent and apprehensive next to Emma. What he really meant was, _How could you kiss Emma when I’m literally right here and I even wore this stupid yellow headband for this and you look so fucking cute and my lips have been waiting for yours since I saw you walk out of the bathroom stall?!_

 

Emma continued to answer Even, “Oh yeah, the kosegruppa!”

 

Isak was still unresponsive, still wouldn’t look Even in the eye, so Even reached his arm behind Emma’s back and shook Isak’s shoulder lightly. He could feel Isak’s muscles tighten from the touch, and Even was glad Isak was still a nervous wreck around him. An adorable, sarcastic, nervous wreck. Even was so in love his heart felt like it was bleeding inside his chest. 

 

“Nice apartment,” Even said, locking himself up from saying things he knew he wouldn’t be able to control if he started.

 

_You look so fucking hot, Isak._

 

_I’ve adored you since the first day of school, Isak._

 

_I want you to be mine and only mine, Isak._

 

_Run away with me. Let’s get out of here._

 

“Thanks,” Isak finally replied. Even was seeing colors. He could never get tired of hearing Isak speak. He wanted to record Isak talking for hours so that he could go home and listen to it through his headphones until he drifted to sleep. He was insanely desperate to hear words coming out of Isak’s mouth that he’d imagined him saying for months. 

 

_I want you, Even._

 

_You’re mine, Even._

 

_I love you, Even._

 

_Fuck, Even. Don’t stop._

 

Even was so close. He could feel it on the horizon, could feel the stars aligning just right so that Isak and him could be together. Even just had to get rid of the obstacles first. 

 

“It’s really nice here,” Emma said, snapping Even out of his daydreams, “It’s insanely nice. I mean, it’s a shared apartment. There are always cool people here. Such as Eskild!”

 

Even really wanted her to stop talking. Actually, he wanted her to leave. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. 

 

“Have you…have you met Eskild?” she asked Even. 

 

“Uh, no. I don’t think so.” _Where was she going with this?_

 

“No? He’s - he’s gay. He’s super sweet! I love gay people! They’re - they’re hilarious.”

  
Even couldn’t believe her. She was so naive, so oblivious. She was part of the problem in society. Part of the reason why the stereotypes surrounding LGBT people were so prevalent. Even was annoyed and angry at her sheer ignorance.

 

“You don’t think that’s a bit of a superficial generalization?” he said, as calmly as he possibly could. It was’t easy.

 

This was the first time Isak looked at Even since he’d sat down on the couch. Isak stared at him with wonder in his eyes, and another emotion Even could only describe as relief. Like, Isak had been holding his breath the entire time and Even had just allowed him to grant his lungs release. 

 

Emma was offended by Even’s statement, “How so? To say that I love gay people because they are hilarious?”

 

 _Emma, Emma, Emma._ He wanted to lecture her right then and there. He wanted to tell her that people aren’t defined by their sexuality, and sexuality doesn’t define how people act. The two are completely different. Just because one person likes to wear wigs, or pay close attention to fashion, or listen to a certain type of music, never means that everyone else is exactly the same. That mindset is hurtful and creates a stigma that can only harm the people you are trying to label. 

 

The worst part about Emma’s behavior is that Even knew Isak was one of these people. Isak was afraid of his sexuality, and moments like these only make it that much harder to come to terms with it. Even was surprised at how well Isak was handling it. 

 

“Yeah, it’s like saying all muslim’s are terrorists.” Even was fuming inside.

 

Emma was taken by surprise, “What?! No! That’s - that’s a bit too much. It’s not the same. To be hilarious is insanely positive! To be a terrorist is super negative.”

 

Even was growing increasingly tired of her bullshit. No, it wasn’t exactly the same in context, but it was in social impact. All stereotypes ever do is further the misconception of reality. And, they lead to hate crimes. It’s an idea that can be severely damaging. 

 

“I mean, it’s not about what you say. It’s the fact that you’re generalizing.”

 

Emma seemed to ignore everything Even was trying to say, and continued to reiterate that she wasn’t wrong for believing all gay people were something to be laughed at. 

 

“But still…” she started. Even cut her off.

 

“Not all gays are funny,” he concluded firmly. Isak hadn’t taken his eyes off of Even this entire time, as he intently listened to everything he had to say. To Even, it was almost like Isak had never heard this sort of speech before. Like no one had ever in his life protected LGBT people from society’s labels. No one had ever told him it was okay. Even wanted to hug Isak until he understood that there was absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with him. He was beautiful in the most unique ways possible, and Even was determined that one day, he would be able to show Isak just how amazing he truly was. One day. 

 

Emma was done listening to Even try to explain to her that her thought process was corrupt, so she claimed the conversation was “boring” and dragged Isak onto the dance floor. Isak looked at Emma as she stood up, and then glanced back at Even as if to silently say, _“Thank you.”_

 

_I will protect you for as long as you let me, baby._

 

 

* * *

 

 

With Isak and Emma on the dance floor, Even had no choice but to find Sonja and ask her if she would like to dance. She agreed wholeheartedly, to Even’s indifference. He really didn’t like how he was letting himself pursue Isak while Sonja was there for him, but like he’d said before, and repeated in his head a million times,

 

 

_You can’t choose who you love._

 

 

Even didn’t want to break it off with Sonja until he knew that Isak wanted to be with him. He didn’t want to create a ripple affect between Sonja and his parents. Sometimes, he believed Sonja acted like an older sister, which was really fucked up. She liked to adopt ethics exactly like an older sister would, to protect him from bullies and more recently, himself. She saw nothing wrong with it, but that was all Even saw. To be fair, their relationship hadn’t always been like this, but it had been growing closer and closer to a brother/sister dynamic since Even’s struggle last year at Elvebakken. And all analogies aside, he didn’t want to date his fucking sister. 

 

Emma and Isak were moving to the beat of the song that was playing in the background. Even made sure to stand with Sonja in a way that he could keep full attention on the two of them from across the room. 

 

Isak didn’t seem to notice Even at all, the way he was dancing with his beer can chilling in his hand. His hair was bouncing up and down as Isak swayed back and forth, taking a swig of his beer every once in awhile. Even noticed **_all_** of Isak, and, feeling the jealousy simmer in the back of his mind yet again, decided he was tired of all of this innocent dancing. 

 

He connected his lips with Sonja’s, who was surprised at first, similar to how she’d been in Even’s bedroom, but she didn’t deny it when Even started slipping his tongue into her mouth.

 

_Oh, he was playing dirty, all right. Game on._

 

It took Isak only a few seconds to notice Even making out with Sonja across the room, and from Even’s position, he could see the realization dawn on Isak’s face. His eyes grew dark and he leaned down to kiss Emma, who returned his kiss with the same amount of vigor. Even could feel the heat behind his ears start to scorch his skin. 

 

But that was nothing compared to the heat Even could feel radiating off of Isak. They may have been at least 20 feet apart in this small living room, but they might as well have been standing directly in front of each other. The sexual tension that filled the room was enormous, and Isak and Even were consumed by it. Even could feel his jeans tightening and he bit back at moan at the sensation. 

 

Even licked his lips as he dove in for Sonja’s kiss again, this time glancing at Isak out of the corner of his eye. Isak had his eyes shut in that moment, and he kept kissing Emma which kept making Even’s jealousy skyrocket so much that he was sure his eyes were glowing green.

 

Even shut his eyes next, trying to forget about the boy across the room who was forcing him to sweat grossly, almost to the point of melting into a lust-filled puddle all over the living room carpet. He could feel Isak’s eyes boring their way throughout Even’s body, creating holes only Isak’s touch could possibly patch up. 

 

_You think I can’t do this to you too, huh?_

 

_You think I can’t make you break underneath all of the sexual tension?_

 

_Just watch me._

 

Even took all of the courage he could muster up, and gradually traced his eyes up to Isak’s agonizingly slowly, taking Isak’s entire figure in, and reveling in it. Even’s eyes were the darkest they had ever been, and he took advantage of that as he met Isak’s gaze with the weight of his entire being, communicating to Isak just how badly he truly wanted him. Isak was surprised at how open Even was with his lust, and had frozen where he stood, unable to kiss Emma back while Even kept a hold of his eyes. Even then winked at Isak, who only further widened his eyes until he realized how long he’d been letting Emma kiss his paralyzed lips, and closed his eyes yet again. 

 

_I told you, Isak._

 

 

* * *

 

 

By the time the group had finished dancing, Even was on the verge of exploding. He so desperately wanted to cross the room, grab Isak’s hand, and lead him into a private area where they could make out for hours while everyone filed out of the flat. Just the two of them, enjoying precious moments again, and maybe, relieving some of that built up sexual tension that was burning inside of Even’s chest, making other parts of his body feel more and more restricted. 

 

On the other hand, Even just wanted to reach out and smooth his hands against Isak’s pink stained cheeks, until his hand would snake its way around the sides of Isak’s face so that he could weave his fingers through his golden head of hair. Even was begging to touch Isak anywhere he possibly could.

 

Isak was also a mess. He’d been trying to clean up the half empty beer cans around the living room, but his eyes were much more focused on Even who hadn’t taken his eyes off of him since he’d been ushered towards the front door.

 

Sonja had wanted to take a cab with Emma and Isak to the party, and Even waited to give his answer until he knew if Isak would be coming with them or not. Emma took the liberty to saunter over to Isak and ask herself. Even watched them interact as he stood behind Sonja.

 

Isak waved Emma off, and said something Even was unable to decipher over the background noises near him. Once Emma returned, she told Sonja that Isak was going to take his bike to the party instead, and that he’d join later after he finished cleaning up. 

 

With everyone else leaving the apartment, this meant only one thing to Even.

 

_Isak would be alone._

 

No Emma, no kollectivet, no nothing. Just Isak and empty beer bottles. 

 

“Are you coming?” Sonja asked Even, as she put on her jacket.

 

“Uh…I have to talk to Isak about something. I think I’ll just ride with him to the party and meet you guys there?” _Lies, lies, lies._

 

Sonja seemed to buy it, and she looked at Emma and shrugged, “Alright. Just have one of you text us when you get there so we can find you, okay?” 

 

Even agreed and pecked Sonja’s lips quickly before her and Emma walked out the front door. During their little interaction, almost everyone had already left the flat and Isak was nowhere to be seen. Given the decreased amount of beer bottles sitting on the coffee table, Even guessed that Isak had gone into the kitchen to empty them. Even bit his lip and took a deep breath before willing his feet to walk through the kitchen archway. 

 

Isak didn’t notice him at first. It wasn’t until Even hit a creek in the tile floor that Isak turned around suddenly, clearly surprised that someone else was still in the flat with him. Even walked nonchalantly over to the sink and began emptying beer cans while Isak watched him.

 

“Didn’t you take a cab with the others?” Isak asked. 

 

“I have a bike…” More lies. He’d ridden with Sonja in a cab to Isak’s shared apartment, but if Even was to have this conversation go as he planned, Isak didn’t need to know that. 

 

And by planned, he meant that by the end of the night, he wanted to know **_exactly_** what Isak tasted like. Even wasn’t going to let Isak eye-fuck him from across the room and then have nothing else come of it. That would be beyond cruel, and Even just wasn’t going to allow it. 

 

Of course, both of them were all too aware of the obstacles that stood in their way. Him with Emma, and Even with Sonja. And last Friday, it was just easier for Even to tell Isak that Sonja was his girlfriend. What he really wanted to say to Isak was that it was much, much more complicated than that. 

 

Even wanted Isak to be his more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life before him. It was like Even couldn’t breathe with Isak in the room, he couldn’t think straight, and sometimes, if Isak licked his lips in just the right way, Even couldn’t even walk straight. 

 

And he was so certain Isak was interested in him too, he was just terrified of exploring those parts of himself. The parts he’d gotten so used to hiding from his friends, his family, and even himself. Even wanted to break down all of Isak’s walls so that he could wake him up from his sexual slumber. He wanted to show Isak that it was okay to feel this way, it was okay to like him, it was okay to want more out of life than some coverup. Who cares what anyone else thinks? No one, no matter how hard they might try, can ever take **you** away from you. And you never have to apologize for just being yourself. 

 

Isak was silent while Even continued to empty the stale beer down the drain. Even wanted to push him against kitchen counter right then and there, but he wanted to make sure Isak was ready first. 

 

“Good times with…Uh, Emma?” Even asked, purposely pretending like he couldn’t remember her name. 

 

Isak took awhile to reply, which Even could only assume meant Isak really didn’t know if he’d actually had a good time or not.

 

“She’s keen,” he eventually said, a hint of a scoff resonating from his lips.

 

Even felt a pang of jealously sting his throat as he flipped himself around to lean his back on the counter. He turned to Isak then, who was spending a little too much time focusing on the empty beer cans laid out in front of him. 

 

“You know,” Even began, “Sonja and I have been dating since we were like, fifteen or something.” 

 

Even waited to see if Isak was following.

 

“Okay…” Isak said, as he let himself glance slightly over at Even.

 

Even continued his speech, “And…I can tell we’re drifting further and further apart.”

 

At that, Isak looked at Even with confusion written on his face. Even hoped that Isak would get the hint, that Even really wasn’t invested in his relationship with Sonja at all. He was ready to be free from all of her manipulating and controlling. 

 

“But…I can’t dump Sonja.” _It’s just not that simple, Isak._

 

“Okay?” Isak replied. Even was disappointed that Isak wasn’t showing any interest in what he was saying. But, he also knew that getting Isak to open up wasn’t going to be easy.

 

Even decided he would try to lighten up the situation by cracking a joke. Never mind the fact that Even just really, really wanted to hear Isak’s laugh again. It had been too long since he’d heard it last.

 

“‘Cause if I dump Sonja, she’ll think I’m doing it because of her aluminum leg…”

 

_There it is._

 

Isak snapped his head up to Even’s, confusion setting deeper and deeper into the cracks of his face. Even wanted to reach out and smooth the frown lines appearing on Isak’s forehead. 

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You didn’t know?” Even asked, pretending to be surprised.

 

“Aluminum leg?!” Isak was now fully facing Even, who was enjoying his little charade a bit too much.

 

“Yeah! She’s amputated her entire foot.” Even was so close to breaking, to laughing, and possibly crying, that he had to bite his tongue to keep himself together. 

 

Isak suddenly became very concerned, obviously believing Even’s every word. It was almost too easy.

 

“What?! How…how did that happen?!” Isak questioned. 

 

“She stepped on a land mine at Tjøme when she was nine years old. Blew off the entire left foot.” 

 

At this point, Even couldn’t even look Isak in the eyes. His story was clearly ridiculous, but Isak’s gullibility had suddenly became another one of Even’s favorite things. The list was growing at such a rapid rate, he really needed to start writing them down so he wouldn’t lose track.

 

“Shit…” Isak started.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty bad.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t know that.”

 

“But, she’s doing better. She’s gotten a lot of help from…good…” Even was slipping and he could tell. _Shit._  

 

“What’s it called? Like…” _Fuck, Even. Don’t fuck it up now._

 

“Physiotherapists, in developing her motor skills.” _Nice._

 

Isak was looking at Even with a mix between amusement and sheer perplexity. He was honestly so lost, Even wondered if he’d even been listening at all. He continued, anyway.

 

“And, you know, the aluminum technology has come a long way. You can barely tell she’s limping at all.”

 

It took a moment for Isak’s face to change from baffled to comical. But, Even recognized the small smile that was creeping its way across his facial features, and the glint now appearing in his eyes. Gullible Isak was gone and was being replaced by the same Isak who was laughing with Even over a joint just a short week ago. Even rejoiced at its return, relieved that that Isak was still there, still susceptible to Even’s lame jokes. Even could feel his admiration for Isak growing inside his already bleeding heart. 

 

“You’re joking?!” Isak smirked. Even couldn’t hold it in any longer as he burst out laughing. He was giggling so much that answering Isak’s question became impossible.

 

When Even didn’t answer, Isak repeated his question again, his smile fitting his entire face and his eyebrows reaching so high they were practically gracing his hairline. Isak scrutinized Even the entire time he stood just a few feet away from him, who was slightly curling his slender body over as it shook from the intensity of his laughter. Even eventually murmured, “Yeah,” as Isak turned away, trying to hide the blush that was peeking it’s way through his cheeks. Even didn’t need to see his face to know that he’d made Isak blush, it was almost a sure thing now.

 

And even though it happened very often, Even didn’t think he’d ever be able to get over the affect he had on Isak. The reddish tint fighting it’s way through the pink streaks on Isak’s face was, perhaps, the greatest thing to happen in all of history. At least Even thought so. 

 

“Fucking shit!” Isak announced, as he turned back towards Even, “How can you joke about something like that?!”

 

Even snickered again, knowing he was about to call Isak out on his credulousness.

 

“Do you really think there are land mines at Tjøme?!” he asked, as he involuntarily stepped a foot closer to Isak.

 

Isak, who’s face was cherry red by this point, stuck his arms out and he shrugged his shoulders, while saying, “I don’t fucking know!”

 

Even continued to be drawn towards Isak, in a way that he just couldn’t explain. Not with words, anyway. 

 

“Who joke— I mean you— You can’t joke about things like that!” Isak spit out, stumbling on his words. 

 

Even pretended to be offended by that statement, and he could feel his heart start beating faster and faster in his chest. _This boy was too fucking cute._

 

“Hey, I could have joked about something much worse,” Even explained. His pulse was traveling a mile a minute and he mentally kicked himself for wearing a white t-shirt which would clearly show if his body decided to start nervous sweating again. 

 

“No!”

 

“Yeah!”

 

“No, you couldn’t have. Because that’s a really serious thing to joke about!” Isak was still smiling as wide as possible, and Even decided to take a leap and expose himself to Isak in, well, another statement clouded by layers and layers of humor. 

 

“I could’ve joked about her having a dick,” Even blurted out.

 

If Isak was surprised, he sure as hell knew how to hide it well. He rolled his eyes, his smile fading slightly but never once leaving his face. Even couldn’t help but stare at Isak’s lips, which were now only about two feet away from his own. The thought of kissing them flooded Even’s mind as he felt his body react to the idea. _Fuck._

 

Isak stayed silent, staring directly into Even’s eyes. The environment around them began to feel warmer, and Even wondered if somehow, someone had turned up the heat dial. Then, he remembered that they were alone, just Isak and Even standing next to each other in the kitchen. He also remembered the sexual tension that had arisen from dancing earlier that night, and he could sense that that same sexual tension was about to make another appearance. 

 

“That would have been…going to far,” Even said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. 

 

Isak swallowed hard as he smirked, tilting his head down towards his feet.

 

“Dick…” He started, as his eyes darted everywhere BUT at Even. 

 

“Too far…” Even kept his gaze on Isak as he licked his lips and smiled. Isak finally returned his gaze, unsure of what to say next. The only thing Even could focus on was how absolutely delicious Isak looked in this moment. This shy boy with the golden head of hair was coming undone because of Even, and Even was _so fucking here_ for all of it.

 

Isak zoomed his eyes in on the ground again, embarrassment plastered all over his face. He was so nervous Even could almost feel his heart beating out of his chest.

 

And in this moment, Even didn’t care about Sonja, or Emma, or sexuality, or his illness, or whatever. He just didn’t give a fuck about any of it. All he could bring himself to care about was this boy standing directly across from him, and finally, finally, tasting the lips he’d been thinking about since Isak had wrapped them around Even’s joint while they’d sat together on the bench.

 

He wanted it so bad. He’d imagined this moment a million times in his head, always thinking their first kiss would be some epic confession of love after Isak had climbed up to the balcony, or after they’d sit and watch the stars in the middle of a field somewhere out in the countryside. But, a first kiss didn’t have to be epic to mean something. It didn’t have to be some elaborate plan for it to be perfect. It just had to be a moment shared between two people who couldn’t ever imagine kissing anyone else. It had to be full of love and lust and mostly importantly, trust. A first kiss was something that was just meant to be. The climax of a story written to tell the world that _hey, he’s mine_ and _yes, I love him with all my heart_. 

 

And in this moment, Even knew. He knew that Isak was the person in the story he’d wanted the world to see ever since Even was old enough to learn what love meant. He knew that he was ready for Isak to teach him what being in love truly felt like. He knew he couldn’t possibly imagine standing in this kitchen with anyone else. He knew. 

 

So when Isak continued to babble on, claiming that he knew Even was joking by the time he’d started talking about aluminum technology, Even could only focus on the way Isak’s lips moved every time he would form the “o” sound, or the “t” sound, or virtually any sound in the goddamn book of sounds. Even wanted those lips to create sounds with his that only Even and Isak would be able to hear. 

 

And so, when Isak dragged Even back down to earth from his incessant dreaming by reminding him of Sonja, Even was slightly irritated that she was even still in the picture. Given Isak’s frozen state, he could tell that Isak wasn’t going to make the first move because he respected Even and his girlfriend, and he didn’t want to infringe himself on any of those boundaries. Which, would normally be a trait that Even would be happy to see, but as Even stood in the kitchen, continuing to fall apart because of Isak and his stupid painted cheeks and his stupid dainty lips, Even just wanted Isak to say, “Fuck it,” and crash his lips against his. But, if Even had learned anything about Isak in the few weeks that he’d personally known him, it was that Isak was afraid to let himself give in to his emotions. Isak had always tried to lock them up behind towering walls of self hatred and internalized homophobia. And Even cursed society for making Isak believe that anything he’d ever felt was wrong. 

 

These assertions shown themselves heavily in the atmosphere surrounding Even and Isak in the kitchen, as Isak stood frozen with his eyes still at the ground. Not making a single sound, not moving a single inch. Even decided that he just couldn’t control himself anymore, and he gradually made the first move.

 

Even took it slowly, not wanting to scare Isak away from his advances. It was agonizing torture, sure, but Even had Isak’s best interests at heart. He wanted to make sure that Isak was truly ready to give himself over to Even, to allow himself to feel exactly what Even knew that he was feeling: a deep-rooted affection for the tall boy wearing a neon yellow headband to match his neon pink streaks.

 

As Even tilted his head so that he could bring his lips closer to Isak’s, Isak flittered his eyes upwards as if he’d just now realized that Even was moving towards him. Even felt like he was going to suffocate from the lack of clean oxygen in the room that was now cluttered with sexual tension and admiration. And when Even felt his head began to tickle from Isak’s hair, and when Isak felt Even’s hair tickle him right back, neither one of them pulled away.

 

 _This is it,_ Even thought, _the climax to the story I’d been desperate to direct since I’d seen this beautiful boy on the first day of school._

 

Even’s lips ghosted Isak’s as Isak tilted his head towards Even, both of them holding shallow breaths in anticipation of the final moment where their lips would finally connect, and those fireworks everyone always talks about would go off in Even’s head.

  
Even was ready. Isak was ready. All that was left was a few centimeters of head movement and they would become one.

 

 

 

 

**_SLAM._ **

 

Even and Isak both jolted back suddenly, turning their heads towards the kitchen archway. They’d been so consumed with each other that the noise had given both of them a shock to the heart and a knock to the head. Isak hurriedly made his way to the front door, refusing to look back at Even as Even followed behind him. 

 

_Fuck._

 

Even could still feel the electricity tingling on his lips as both of them stood in the hallway, staring at a pale, blonde girl with a suitcase sitting beside her left hip. Even obviously had no idea who this was, and couldn’t help but be bitter that she’d interrupted the kiss Even had been desperate for for weeks. He looked at Isak, who’s face was showing mixed emotions of fear and confusion. Isak clearly knew who this woman was. 

 

Even wondered if Isak could still feel the connection that Even just couldn’t shake from his thoughts. He wondered if that was ALL Isak could think about, despite the blonde girl staring from across the room. And so when Isak called her Noora, and she made her way to the couch to take our her phone and sit down, Even tapped on Isak’s shoulder and quietly blurted out, “Can I have your phone number?”

 

Isak was surprised at first, like he’d forgotten Even had been standing next to him this entire time, “I…what?”

 

“Your phone number? Like, the one you use to talk to people on this little device called a phone?” Even smiled politely. Noora didn’t say anything as she continued to be distracted by her own cell phone.

 

“Uh, yeah…right, right.” Isak fumbled around in his jean pockets to find his cell phone. He was disheveled and nervous, and Even took that as a sign that Isak was still reeling over the almost-kiss they had shared. Even’s heartbeat hadn’t slowed since, and he guessed Isak’s hadn’t either.

 

“I think I should probably leave, you know, so you can help Noora,” Even said, as they exchanged their cell phones. Isak nodded silently while his fingers tapped on Even’s phone screen. 

 

Even’s bitterness was growing the more he thought about Isak’s lips, and the more Isak licked and chewed on them while he stood there in the hallway. He’d been so close to kissing them that he couldn’t believe they’d been interrupted at the worst possible moment. Even handed Isak’s phone back to him and grabbed his, and then made his way to the front door as Isak followed. And when they said goodbye to each other, and Isak closed the door behind him, Even stood there for awhile, trying to recollect all of the events that had happened since he’d walked through the very same door and seen Isak sitting on the couch with Emma across the living room.

 

And when he thought about how Isak almost kissed him back, and how he didn’t run away and scream and claim that he could never imagine kissing a boy and shrivel back into his den of denial, his heart swelled up so much he thought his chest was going to split in half. 

 

And when he looked down at his phone to see that Isak had added himself as a contact with the name “Isak”, Even went back and added a heart next to his name.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww Even is so in love :)
> 
> Now that they finally have each other's phone numbers I can finally write them texting each other!! Yay!!
> 
> Also we all know what's coming in the next chapter....first kiss anyone??
> 
> Thanks for much for reading and don't forget to comment or leave a kudos!! It fuels my desire to keep writing and update much faster ha
> 
> If you wanna talk to me feel free to leave me a message at www.evenbakkas.tumbr.com !!
> 
> ALT ER LOVE


	4. Sesong 3 Episode 4 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We go together on three. No, on one.”
> 
> “Three,”
> 
> “Two,”
> 
> “One.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading and leave a comment or kudos to let me know what you thought!!
> 
> Also don't forget to scream at me on www.evenskardemomme.tumblr.com !

**_Isak ❤️_ **

**Today 19.28**

****

 

 

 

[ ](http://www.pinhumour.com/pin/65553/)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  _\- Hahaha._  
_\- Good weekend?_

 

 _Great weekend -_

_\- Haha._  
_\- See you at school tomorrow?_

_There’s no place like home -_

_Film? -_

_\- Film?_

_What movie is that from  -_

_\- What?_

_Oh my god Isak -_

_\- Am I supposed to know this_

_Have you really never seen The Wizard of Oz -_

_\- Ohhhhhhhhhh_

_You’re an idiot -_

_\- Thanks_  
_\- You didn’t answer my question_

_Yes I’ll be at school -_

_\- Cool_  

_Cool -_

 

* * *

 

On Monday morning, Even was sitting in class, gazing out the window and daydreaming, something he did quite often. He’d spent the entire weekend obsessing over what had happened with Isak on Friday and had to fight with himself not to text Isak every single meme he’d saved in his phone, which sat in a folder labeled “Iconic”, the first meme easily from about six months ago. He knew Isak was aware of how lame Even was, but they definitely weren’t at that point in the relationship where Even could dramatically send 50 texts without being judged. Although, to be fair, that kind of behavior might earn some judgment no matter how well you know the person you’re sending endless texts to.

 

Even couldn’t stop thinking about how he was _so fucking close_ to finally kissing Isak and how they’d been interrupted by Noora, who Even, in short, dictated was back from London after falling out with some guy named William. Even didn’t stick around long enough to hear the full story, which was probably a good thing considering how much of a mess Noora was and how much he really didn’t know her at all. He wasn’t looking to make the atmosphere more awkward than it already was.

 

By the time class was over, Even was made aware by a small group of girls from across his classroom that there would be a school Halloween party this weekend and that a lot of people were planning pregames. Normally, Even would be hanging out with Sonja and a few of his friends, a routine he’d gotten into since school started, but the all consuming thought on his mind was that he’d wanted an excuse to see Isak again outside of school. Of course, he really could just ask Isak to hangout, but he thought he’d used the Halloween party to his advantage.

 

When he saw Isak next, he was standing in front of his locker, fighting with the lock in an effort to get it to open. Even stood a few yards down the hall, staring at this boy, who was wearing his backpack slumped over one shoulder and who’d clearly spent a decent amount of time on his hair this morning. Even fought the urge to walk over and run his fingers through the golden masterpiece. 

 

After a few minutes, Isak still couldn’t get his locker to open, so Even decided now would be the perfect time to interfere, given that back in Elvebakken he quite seriously studied the mechanisms of lockers since they’d always seemed to get stuck at the worst possible times.

 

“Hello,” Even said, as he sauntered over to Isak. Isak tore his head away from his locker so fast, Even thought he might injure his neck.

 

“Hi!” Isak said, brightly. The enthusiasm behind his voice did not go missed by Even, and he was glad Isak was just as happy to see him as he was to see Isak. 

 

Even decided to address Isak’s locker troubles by not addressing it, and he simply switched his eyes between Isak and his locker as he smirked. Isak noticed Even’s silent actions and faintly smiled as if to say, “ _Yeah, I know. I suck._ ”

 

Even was humored, to say the least. Isak amused him in ways other people normally wouldn’t be amused by, like how Even continued to fall deeper and deeper in love every time Isak rolled his eyes or said something sarcastic or let his grumpiness shine through. Even couldn’t find a single flaw in Isak’s entire persona, and it scared him sometimes considering Even was full of flaws.

 

“Are you going to the Halloween thing or what?” Even asked obtusely. Even decided it was better to be straightforward than to hint at asking Isak to go and never getting an actual yes or no. 

 

Isak considered his question for a bit before stumbling over his words, saying, “Uh, no. Or…maybe? I don’t know…Are you going?”

 

_Yes._

 

Even could see straight through Isak trying to play it cool, basically saying he wouldn’t be caught dead at a school party when in reality Isak was very interested in seeing if Even was going to go. Isak’s tricks may work on someone else, but when you’ve followed a guy around for several months, you start to learn their ticks. Like, for instance, how whenever Isak gets nervous or he doesn’t know what to say, he shakes his head really quickly in millimeter motions, so fast you’d hardly be able to recognize it. It took Even only the first week of school to notice this behavior. He’d added it to his mental list of _times_ _Isak Valtersen was so fucking cute it made my stomach hurt._

 

“Join me?” Even asked, as he ever so slightly leaned in closer to Isak, balancing himself on the school lockers. Isak did that thing with his head again, only this time it was such an erratic motion that Even was sure his brain had probably detached and was rolling around in there. 

 

“Okay,” Isak answered, as his eyes sparkled from the smile that spread across his face. 

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah, mhm…” Oh, there’s Isak trying to play his excitement off again. How surprising.

 

“Okay, then we’ll pregame together?” Even questioned, as he started to walk away.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Even nodded his head as he moved in towards Isak’s locker, ready to put his skills to the test. He stuck out his arm and smashed the middle of the locker with his fist, pausing for a millisecond to hear it begin to open before he left Isak standing there, baffled at how easily Even had solved his little locker issue. 

 

I mean, Even had gotten lucky because it didn’t always work the first time. It would have been really embarrassing to have to stand there and keep hitting the locker as Isak watched him continue to fail. Although, Even might have enjoyed it anyways because he’d have an excuse to stand next to Isak longer before it began to get a little too weird. 

 

 _Forget the locker._ All Even could think about now was getting to Friday, where he'd get to be alone with Isak again and where the possibilities were endless. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Isak ❤️_ **

**Today 16.56**

 

****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _\- Hehehe_  
_\- Random_

_Randm is awsm -_

_\- Yes_

_Are we having the pregame at mine or yours -_

_\- Uh_  
_\- What do you prefer_

_My parents will probably be home this Friday -_

_\- Mine it is then_

_Don’t feel like underage drinking around my parents? Ha -_

_\- Uh not really_  

_They’re chill -_

_\- Still_  

_I’ll bring the booze -_

_\- Cool_

_Cool -_

 

* * *

 

Even held off telling Sonja about the Halloween party for as long as he possibly could, and she might not have even known it was happening at all if it wasn’t for her and Emma becoming close friends. It seemed that somewhere between Monday and Thursday, Emma had mentioned to Sonja about the Halloween party and Sonja had decided to take the pregame into her own hands.

 

What was once just going to be Even and Isak chilling over weed and beer again was now turning into a double date with Sonja and Even and Emma and Isak. Sonja had even taken the liberty to pick out costumes for the two of them, not once asking Even what he wanted. The amount of control that Sonja placed onto their relationship was enough to make Even want to run away with Isak and never return.

 

 _Isak._ Even wasn’t sure if Isak was aware of the change in plans, so he decided to text him.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Isak ❤️_ **

**Today 19.29**

 

_Hi Isak. Ready for halloween tomorrow? -_

_\- Hi, yeah what’s happening exactly? Emma mentioned a preparty?_

_Yes you understand I obviously have a personal event planner -_

_\- Haha I should get one_

_Can you still host? The event planner needs confirmation -_

_\- Ok. Confirmed_

_Awesome -_

_\- Awesome_  

_She has a schedule and is very concerned about punctuality. What time should I tell her? -_

_\- 8?_

_Yes that’ll work. Then the event planner and I will arrive with the liaison at 8pm -_

_Hope you won’t look too nerdy in your costume -_

_\- Haha! Same_

 

 

* * *

 

In all honesty, Even was pretty damn excited to see Isak in his costume. That was one of the only things he was looking forward to about the pregame, something that had been severely compromised by the presence of Sonja and Emma. Even wished desperately that the two of them weren’t in the picture, that Even and Isak could just go for it without any potential backlash, but reality wasn’t so forgiving. Sometimes, Even would sit in his room and think about how much trouble his love for Isak really was given everything else going on around him and sometimes, he would try to scold his brain into forgetting about him. The problem was, Even was _way_ _too far fucking gone_ for Isak anyway. It didn’t matter what the signals in his brain were saying, his heart had a completely different idea: _Make Isak his._ He knew Emma had the same idea, and there were a few times where Even had almost let her do it. But, he couldn’t deny that he wanted Isak. Badly.

 

And hell if Even wasn’t going to put up a fight. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

While Even sat on the couch in kollectivet, beer in his hand, he thought to himself how he’d never guessed just a few short months ago that he’d be wearing a heavy, white God costume and nervous sweating over some guy sitting on the couch to the right of him. Granted, the costume was pretty fucking constrictive and Even swore against Sonja for making him wear it, but he could feel the temperature difference on his skin every time Isak looked in his direction and every time he tried not to make it so obvious.

 

Emma and Sonja were babbling on while Even and Isak sat beside them, not saying a thing. Even didn’t think the pregame would be nearly as awkward as it was becoming, but the thought of what had almost happened in the kitchen that was just a small distance down the hall kept Even from letting his body relax. If Sonja and Emma were aware of the tension between Even and Isak, they didn’t show any signs. It was agonizing to Even how much he just wanted to switch places with Emma on the couch so that he could be closer to Isak and his lame attempt at a Julius Caesar costume. But, as Sonja and Emma continued to talk, Even and Isak continued to sneak silent glances that communicated more to Even than words possibly could.

 

Even and Isak just really, really wanted to be alone with each other. They enjoyed each other’s company so much, it was almost like they’d known each other for years. Hanging out together was just so easy when, well, neither one of them were finding it hard to breathe around each other, or averting their eyes so they didn’t reveal too much too fast, or making sure to stand a certain way or grab things a certain way so that they didn’t touch each other too long to the point of asking questions. 

 

Isak learned that Even was ’97 and not ’98, that he was actually 19 and not 18. When Even told him, he seemed a bit confused, but he didn’t push any further to figure out why Even was still in high school. Even was grateful. He’d been so focused on getting together with Isak that he’d thrown his mental illness to the side, as much as he could, anyway. Whenever he wasn’t feeling the overbearing weight of his Bipolar Disorder, he tried to put it out of his mind as much as possible. And Isak was a very, very healthy distraction in that aspect.

 

Almost exactly after Isak and Even’s short exchange of words, Sonja began paying more attention to Even instead of Emma. She’d become aware of the few cans of beer Even had already downed since the night began.

 

“Can you please take it easy on the beer?” she asked. Even was annoyed enough that Sonja had invited herself to the pregame, but now that she was embarrassing him in front of Isak and Emma, he was fuming. 

 

“Can you stop babysitting me?” he spit out, bitterness lacing his tongue. He glanced at Isak, who had his eyes on Even, focused on his and Sonja’s little altercation. When Sonja said nothing, Even continued.

 

“I mean it. Stop monitoring me,” he finished, firmly. Sonja’s mouth dropped a bit before she slammed her wine glass down on the coffee table and made her way to Isak’s bathroom. Even wasn’t upset to say that he was glad she had left the room.

 

Emma followed Sonja shortly after, which left Even and Isak alone, both staying in their places on either couch. They stole glances for awhile, before Isak broke the silence.

 

“I heard that a lot of people will be going to the party,” he said. Even didn’t hear him. He was too angry with Sonja to pay attention to anything else besides how badly he just really wanted to get out of there. 

 

“What time is it?” he asked Isak, cutting him off slightly.

 

Isak paused while he took out his phone, “ **21:21**.”

 

Even was surprised it wasn’t later than that. The pregame felt like it had gone on for days already.

 

“For real?”

 

“Uh…yeah. What about it?”

 

“ ** _Let’s get out of here._** ”

 

Even nodded quickly while reaching for his half empty beer can. Isak wasn’t following.

 

“Uh, where to?”

 

 _Everywhere, Isak. I don’t care, as long as I’m with you_.

 

Even took one last glance at Isak before saying, “Anywhere,” and making his way to the front door. It only took Isak a few seconds before he was following him, the door closing behind them as they took on the night sky, the world at their fingertips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Isak and Even decided their best bet at fleeing the scene without being caught was to take the bike. Neither of them had any idea where they were going, but both of them eagerly climbed onto the bike, Even in front and Isak in back. Even began pedaling off quickly down the street, and Isak had to grab onto his shoulders to keep himself balanced. Even tried not to focus on Isak’s hands gripping onto his costume as they disappeared on the other side of a steep hill.

 

“They’re going to be so pissed at us,” Isak shouted over his adrenaline.

 

“Let’s not focus on that, Isak.”

 

“What should we focus on then?”

 

“Trying not to get hit by a car.”

 

“Hey, you’re the operator of this bike!”

 

“Which means I control where we go,” Even explained.

 

“Okay…where are we going, Even?”

 

“Everywhere.”

 

 

.

 

 

“Aren’t you getting tired?”

 

“We’re not there, yet.”

  
“Where?”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

 

.

 

 

After what seemed like ages, Even finally stopped the bike in front of a neighborhood of houses, and Isak slipped his hands from Even’s shoulders.

 

“I feel like going for a swim, don’t you?” Even asked, as he got off the bike and began walking down the driveway of this one particular white house.

 

“A swim?” Isak questioned, clearly confused.

 

“Yeah?” Even continued to walk down the driveway. Isak had no choice but to leave the bike there and follow him.

 

Even walked around to the side of the house, trying to find his way in. He remembered this house from elementary school, this one boy in his class had invited him and a bunch of other boys to his birthday party. He remembered the pool that they’d swam in in the basement. And now, for whatever reason, he really wanted to go for a swim with Isak. It didn’t look like anyone was home, and Even knew how to sneak in and out of buildings without leaving a trace of his presence behind. He learned how to do that while he was at Elvebakken last year. Something he would never admit to if anyone were to ask.

 

He spotted his way in through a small window shining light into the basement. The pool was in plain sight, and Even patted himself on the back for remembering which white house it was in the sea of white houses.

 

Even began picking the lock on the window when he felt Isak walk up beside him. Even could tell Isak was apprehensive about the whole idea because he hadn’t said a word since they’d left the bike in the middle of the street. 

 

“Who lives here?” Isak finally asked.

 

“My aunt.” _Lies._

 

Isak was very skeptical. Even knew the lie was stretching it thin, he just hadn’t thought far enough into the future to explain to Isak why the fuck he was breaking into his “aunt’s” house.

 

“And…she’s okay with us being here?”

 

“Of course! Don’t worry!” _Fuck._

 

“But…where’s your aunt?”

 

“She’s on vacation.” _Good job, Even._

 

“Okay…why don’t you have a key then?” _God dammit Isak, stop asking questions._

 

“Because she’s on vacation.”

 

Even could tell Isak didn’t really believe him. He’d half expected him to refuse to go swimming and walk back to the bike, but it didn’t look like Isak was so keen on that either.

 

“Yeah, that’s the answer to everything…”

 

“Relax! Don’t worry!” Even insisted, as the window popped open, saving him at just the right time. He looked back at Isak to assess if he was willing to follow him into the basement.

 

“You in?” Even asked. Isak threw his hands up in the air and shrugged in agreement.

 

As soon as Isak climbed through the window, Even was removing the many layers of his costume. When Isak noticed, he stood there, a million questions written all over his face. Even could see that he was definitely nervous, and wanted to make sure that Isak was comfortable with all of this. 

 

So, as a man who sticks to plans with proven success, he decided to use his humor to lighten up the situation.

 

“The water’s nice,” Even started.

 

“Yeah, okay…”

 

“Okay? Why are you being so skeptical?” 

 

Isak scoffed as he began slipping off his shoes, “I’m not skeptical, but it’s a little weird that we…”

 

_It’s a little weird that we’re undressing to go swimming together after only knowing each other for two weeks. I get it._

 

“What’s up?” Even tried to play it off, “Are you afraid to go swimming or what?”

 

“Afraid to go swimming?!” Isak exclaimed, offense taken.

 

_Works every time, baby._

 

“Are you afraid of water?!” Even couldn’t hide the smile appearing on his face, or the amusement creeping into his voice.

 

“Afraid of water?!”

 

“Afraid of water, yeah.”

 

“Wow!”

 

The sound of laughter echoed its way through the basement, both Even and Isak clearly enjoying the conversation. Even loved to tease Isak just to see how offended his little teenage body could get. Just another ‘favorite thing’ to add to the list.

 

“But, I just…I mean…Like, it’s not my aunts house.”

 

Even wanted to add, “ _Yeah, well, it’s not my aunts house, either…_ ” but he remembered too quickly how he’d gotten Isak to break into a house with him in the first place.

 

“Oh, I get it,” Even said, wiggling his eyebrows in Isak’s direction, “It’s just that you’re a little scared of fucking up the hairdo.”

 

Even was having way too much fun watching Isak trying to pretend like he wasn’t having a good time, like he wasn’t feeling the adrenaline coursing through his veins, like he wasn’t humored by Even’s uncanny ability to take any situation and make a lame joke out of it. The Isak that had originally hopped through the window was now the Isak blushing like a hot mess while trying to take off his lame excuse of a costume. Isak was definitely less nervous than he was before, and Even was glad he could take at least a bit of the edge off. 

 

“You think I care about my hairdo?!” _Maybe not, Isak, but obviously I do._

 

In all honesty, Even wanted to fuck up Isak’s hair himself. With his fingers.

 

“What else am I too believe, huh? It does look a bit like it.”

 

Isak squinted his eyes at Even as he chucked his make-shift robe onto the floor. Again, trying to hide the admiration that was oozing out of every pore on his body. 

 

“Does it look like I care about my hairdo?!”

 

_Okay, yes Isak, you kind of fucked it up already with your aggressive sweatshirt removal._

 

“Well, not right now…but like, normally.” Even spent way too much time studying Isak’s hair whenever he’d seen him at school that he’d practically kept tallies in his head for every time Isak showed up at school with a snapback and without. On the days he didn’t wear a snapback, his hair seemed to always curl itself in just the right ways, and Even was jealous that he, on the other hand, needed to spend 30 minutes in front of the mirror every morning just making sure his hair stood up right.

 

Isak stepped closer to Even and leaned against the wall, and Even was confused with his sudden movement. He didn’t get to be confused for very long, because Isak had decided now was a good time to push Even into the pool, clothes and all.

  
The thing was, Even realized what was happening before his body even touched the water, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let Isak get away with this.

 

So, he stuck his arms out backwards and dragged Isak down with him.

 

“Fuck!” Isak screamed, as the two of them plunged into the pool, splashing water everywhere.

 

Isak was the one to surface first, and Even decided to punish Isak for a bit longer.

 

He held his breath as he sat at the bottom of the pool for as long as his lungs would allow, before making his way towards Isak and popping out of the water nearly on top of him.

 

Isak was smiling wide, which made Even smile along with him. The two were a giddy pair of idiots whenever they were together.

 

“Did you think I died?!” Even joked.

 

Isak laughed, “Yeah, I was sooo scared.”

 

Even giggled at Isak’s sarcasm. Just when Even thought he couldn’t like Isak anymore than he already did, Isak always proved him wrong. _That little shit_.

 

“You suck at holding your breath.” Now, it was Isak’s turn to playfully offend Even. Even admired Isak for throwing his shit back in his face. Which was odd, considering if anyone else were to do that he’d just grow increasingly annoyed. But, no matter what Isak did, he just never seemed to annoy Even. That’s part of what made all of this so easy. 

 

And if Even ever annoyed Isak, Isak never showed it. The two of them got along so well that Even sometimes had to check with himself if Isak was even real. He’d never meshed with someone so perfectly before. He’d never felt himself so attracted, so pulled towards a person before. He’d never felt anything like this before.

 

“I suck?!”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Fuck you. You try it then.”

 

“You challenge me?!”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You shouldn’t,” Isak warned, “I’m the fucking champion at holding my breath.”

 

_Yeah, sure you are, Isak._

 

“Well, show me.”

 

“Okay, fine.” 

 

And with that, Isak plugged his nose and dove underwater. Even swooned at the fact that Isak still needed to plug his nose in a swimming pool. It was all so innocently pure and so fucking cute.

 

Isak was underwater maybe 5 seconds before floating back up, coughing abruptly. Even cackled at the fact that Isak had completely failed at proving that he was “the fucking champion”.

 

“ _Wow_. You never cease to impress.”

 

“I got water in my lungs.” 

 

“Yeah, right.”

 

Frown lines appeared on Isak’s face and it was disgustingly adorable to Even. He really was so grumpy. 

 

“I swallowed water!” Isak insisted, as he swam a bit closer to Even. He probably thought Even wouldn’t notice, but Even had to swallow back a gulp at the sudden closeness. If he were to reach his arm out, he could touch Isak. And that thought fueled his next one: If he moved his body even a foot closer, his lips could touch Isak’s. _Fuck._

 

“Okay, okay!” Even decided to stop teasing Isak given his newfound mission: close the distance between them and give Isak another reason to hold his breath.

 

“Yes, I need to do it one more time!” _For fucks sake, Isak._

 

Isak was so stubborn and so competitive that Even couldn’t help but play along. So, he decided to take the innocence floating around the two of them and turn it into a game.

 

“Let’s do it together.”

 

“Together?”

 

“Together.”

 

Isak backed up slightly to give Even more room, and Even was slightly disappointed at the added distance between them. However, there was no way in hell Isak would just let it go. He was way too fucking dense for that.

 

“On three?”

 

“The last to surface is the winner.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Both of them stopped for a moment to look in each other’s eyes, noticing how the irises had grown two times in size and were filled with cheerful intensity, the two of them getting more and more engaged in the game they were playing.

 

“Ready…” Isak started.

 

“We go together on three. No, on one.”

 

“Three,”

 

“Two,”

 

“One.”

 

Even lost sight of Isak for a split second as he shut his eyes to plunge himself underwater, opening them slowly as he saw Isak float down with him, and. Just.

 

**_Wow._ **

 

This boy was beautiful beyond words. Even watched closely as Isak’s hair swayed back and forth in the water, his shirt gradually losing its fight with gravity and lifting itself up, revealing Isak’s chest. Even could feel his heart beating in his ears, his head dizzying at the sight of Isak. He’d almost tried to inhale, tried to calm himself down, before he’d remembered that he was submerged in a place without breathable oxygen. 

 

Isak watched Even with the same intensity, eyes never once leaving his. After a few seconds, Even made a split second decision to try to get Isak to approach the water’s surface. He shot his arm out quickly, grabbing Isak around the throat, which caught Isak by surprise. Isak didn’t let this shake him, as he tugged at Even’s arm to get it to release from his throat. If they weren’t underwater, and if the oxygen wasn’t leaving Even’s brain more and more by the second, making it hard to focus, Even might have tugged Isak’s hand down with his and held it there for awhile. Just the two of them, holding hands. Something Even had dreamed about many times before. 

 

When that didn’t work, Isak’s small smile grew into a smug smirk. Even was sure he was going to break any second, but in situations like this, he might have grown just as stubborn as Isak was. 

 

It was then that this thought, this tiny thought fought it’s way through Even’s clouded brain and made itself a priority. _Remember how you wanted to kiss, Isak? Yeah, maybe you should do that now._

 

Even knew his brain was right. This was the perfect moment, this Romeo and Juliet moment, for their first kiss to happen. And, if anything went wrong, Even could play it off as a joke, something he’d already done with Isak quite often. It was simply perfect. 

 

Before Even could overthink it, he was willing his body towards Isak’s with as much force as he could possibly muster. He noticed Isak’s brows crinkle up, confused at the distance decreasing between them. Even didn’t turn away, didn’t let himself back out of this idea that had suddenly been the only thing on his mind, and the only thing his body would really even let him do. It was wired deep inside of him, something that he had to do. Something that was meant to be.

 

And, once Isak realized what exactly was happening, he stuck his lips out in a pout so fast that Even was suddenly colliding with Isak, aggressive lips upon surprised lips and stomach flips against missing heartbeats. The entire world just stopped in this moment, halting its surroundings as Even and Isak continued to come together underwater, melting at the sensation. Even could feel his body swell with relief, like he’d been tense since the moment they met and he was finally, finally able to relax. 

 

And, as soon as the moment had started, the sooner it was over. Even was pushing himself off of Isak and Isak was tumbling backwards, farther and farther as Even watched him disappear above the surface.

 

_Gotcha._

 

Even hadn’t realized how much his lungs were hurting given how much his heart was soaring, but as soon as he did he was rushing towards the surface of the water faster than he’d sunken below it. 

 

And there Isak was. He was brushing the wet hair off of his face, and he’d never looked more stunning. Even noticed the smile that was breaking Isak’s cheeks and he hoped for the best. He hoped this was what Isak wanted. Because _fucking hell_ , Even had wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything else in his entire life. 

 

“Yes!” Even screamed as he jumped out of the water. His lips were still tingling from their connection with Isak’s.

 

“Yes what?!”

 

“I won?”

 

“Yes?!”

 

“I won!” Even insisted.

 

“No! That’s cheating!” _Oh, really, Isak. Cheating, huh?_

 

“Are you kidding? What is?” _If you mean kissing you was cheating, then I’ll gladly cheat again._

 

“Yeah, it’s cheating,” Isak concluded, not once trying to hide the giddiness behind his voice.

 

Even continued the playful banter, “You think there are any rules here?”

 

Isak scoffed and nodded his head abruptly, “Uh, yeah!?”

 

Even and Isak joined each other in a fit of giggles as Isak began circling him. Even, refusing to let Isak out of his sight, let his eyes follow him around the swimming pool. 

 

“Like, what are you even thinking?” Even asked, the smirk growing on his face. 

 

Isak, smiling like an idiot, fumbled over his words, “I mean, that’s just cheating. That’s just…That’s not allowed. I won’t accept losing because of something like that!”

 

Oh, this was the second time that night that Even was grateful for Isak’s stubbornness. 

 

Because, fuck, if Isak wasn’t going to accept losing then…

 

_We’ll just have to do it again._

 

“Okay, let’s try it again, then.”

 

Isak nodded in agreement, probably a little too eager if he was going to play their first kiss off as cheating. Even if this time, Even wouldn’t be able to kiss Isak again, he’d still get to watch Isak’s body sway underwater. He’d still get to see himself melt in the reflection of Isak’s eyes. He’d still get to share another heart-stopping moment with him. 

 

Even and Isak lined themselves up with each other before jumping up in sync, and falling down together in the water yet another time. Even decided that this time, if this was something Isak wanted, if Isak was ready, then he’d have to make the first move. It was scary to give the control over to Isak for the first time since they’d met, but it was exhilarating at the same time. Even felt freer than he’d ever been. Which was saying a lot, considering all of the elements that have tried to control him in his life. This was the freest he’d felt since Sonja, since his diagnosis, since being on his medication. Even wanted to take this feeling and revel in it, he simply wanted it to last forever.

 

Once the both of them were completely underwater, there was that moment again, the two of them just gazing at each other like they were the only two in the room. And, while they really were the only two in the room, Even still felt all of his surroundings pause for him and Isak to share this moment together again. 

 

The tingling feeling in Even’s lips and the excitement in his chest hadn’t even slightly faded since he’d tasted Isak lips just a few short minutes ago, a mix of chlorine and another flavor Even could only describe as Isak himself. 

 

Even froze underneath the water, willing Isak in his mind to make the first move. 

 

_Please kiss me, Isak. Please._

 

And, it was like somehow, Isak had heard his pleas. Because not long after, Isak was using his arms to push himself forward, inching closer and closer to Even. Even felt his mind go numb as Isak continued to float near him, and it was almost like Even had lost all touch of reality. Isak’s lips were so close, so fucking close to his that he’d had to keep himself from attacking Isak yet again. 

 

It felt like agonizing minutes before Isak finally connected his mouth with Even’s, the kiss apprehensive but direct at the same time. Even’s chest started to burn at the impact, a pleasant pain mixed with the pain of oxygen deprivation. But, in this moment, Even didn’t give two fucks about breathing. He was kissing Isak, who had made the first move, had made the decision that _yes, I like Even_ and _yes, I want to let him know that even though the kiss was cheating, I’m so fucking happy you cheated._  

 

Isak separated his lips from Even’s slightly before diving in again, Even able to open his mouth at the loss of contact to really, truly, kiss Isak with everything he had. The first kiss between them that was a mutual _yes, I want to keep doing this_. 

 

It was an elephant in the room that both of them couldn’t keep kissing underwater for long before they’d pass out from the loss of oxygen. So, when Isak grabbed Even’s shoulders and dragged both of them to the surface, lips still glued together as if letting go was just something that was never going to happen, Even held Isak’s face with tenderness and desperation as they were finally able to breathe again.

 

But not for long. No, they weren’t done kissing. Not yet. This was something Even had waited for for what seemed like since the day he was born, and Even was far too gone to keep the kiss underwater. He wanted it to become real, he wanted it to be forced into reality. And, the way Isak was responding to his lips with the same amount of aggression, he guessed Isak wanted this to become a part of his reality as well. 

 

The two parted for just a moment to catch their breaths, both of them breathing heavily but never once letting their eyes part, Isak’s glued on Even’s lips and Even’s smiling into Isak’s eyes. Even couldn’t believe the boy he’d had a crush on for months was finally standing right in front of him, the ghost of his lips dancing across Isak’s. He was so completely, utterly, and incandescently happy he thought his heart might burst.

 

Even couldn’t take the separation any longer as he reached his arms out towards Isak, circling them around his waist and pulling him closer, their lips connecting once again. Even’s mind was whirling and he suddenly knew exactly what the meaning of love really was. 

 

Love was this deep feeling rooted in the bottom of your stomach, this feeling that you just, simply, **belong**. That everything up to this point in your life suddenly all makes sense. That breakup you’d had in middle school that tore your life apart for a good month or two happened for a reason. Your first kiss ever happened with a guy for a reason. You were meant to refuse to conform to sexuality’s labels for a fucking reason. You live for a reason, you breathe for a reason, you wake up every day for a reason. And this reason was floating right in front of him, melting into his arms as they hungrily kissed each other with the passion of a thousand suns, their hearts beating as loud as a million drums. Love was Isak. Isak was love. 

 

 _And love felt so fucking good._  

 

Even hadn’t noticed the moment Isak had turned away from him, partially because he felt the impact of Isak’s lips long after they had detached themselves from Even’s. Even let himself open his eyes for the first time since he’d initially parted with Isak, and he realized that Isak was no longer looking back. He was focused on something off towards the side, in shock, like someone had knocked the wind out of him. Even was confused, so he followed Isak’s eyes away from the pool and that’s when he realized.

 

_Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

 

There stood a girl, no more older than 10, watching Even and Isak going at it in the swimming pool. Even didn’t remember the girl from being here in elementary school, guessing she must have been a baby, if she was even born yet at the time. He sat there in silence, stunned at her presence. Isak did the same.

 

It didn’t take long for her to scream for her mother, and that sent off sirens inside Even’s head. He needed to get Isak and to get out of there, fast. The last thing he’d needed was his first kiss with Isak to end with both of them sitting in a jail cell. 

 

He dashed towards the other side of the pool, Isak yelling, “What the hell?!” as Even lifted himself out of the water. 

 

“Who the fuck is she?!” Isak yelled again, scared and confused. Even was also freaking the fuck out.

 

“Uh, it’s not my aunt’s house.” _So, the truth comes out._

 

“So who lives here then?!”

 

Even replied, “Someone I went to elementary school with,” as he threw the remnants of his costume out the window and set his hands on the windowsill, lifting himself up as quickly as possible. Isak followed, only having a bit more trouble getting himself on the other side of the window than Even had. Even slid his shoes on and grabbed his costume, and Isak did the same as soon as he’d climbed out of the window.

 

“What the fuck, Even!” Isak screamed as the two of them dashed for the bike. Even said nothing as he set the bike up, throwing his costume over his shoulder and sitting in the front as Isak sat on the back.

 

Even pedaled off as he’d heard a woman shouting in the background, which only made him pedal faster. Isak used his empty hand to grip Even’s shoulder so he wouldn't fall off.

 

Once the two of them were at least a mile or two away from the house, still unable to breathe normally and still pouring over at the edge with adrenaline, Even spotted a dumpster and quickly threw his beard inside, Isak chucking his headpiece. Then, the two of them were off again, racing out of the suburbs and towards the city.

 

“Even, what the fuck?!” Isak asked again, the anger diminishing slightly from his voice.

 

“Fuck,” was all Even could say.

 

“We almost got arrested, Even!”

 

“I know!”

 

“We almost got caught for breaking into a house!”

 

“Isak, I know!”

 

“What the fuck were you thinking?!”

 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

“Really?! Breaking into a fucking house?!”

 

“Hey, it’s not like you were innocent!”

 

“You told me it was your aunt’s!”

 

“Oh, yeah. Fuck.” Thinking back on it, Even honestly couldn’t believe he’d actually broken into a fucking house. Who the fuck does that?

 

“Who the fuck does that?!” Isak asked, as if he could somehow read Even’s mind.

 

“Well…apparently we do.” That’s when Even started laughing uncontrollably, louder than he’d ever laughed before. Isak was taken aback, to say the least.

 

“What the hell? It’s not funny!”

 

“It’s kind of funny.”

 

“No, it’s really fucking not!”

 

“ _Isak,_ ” Even spit out, his eyes watering from the pain of laughing so much.

 

Isak was silent for what seemed like ages before he suddenly broke down, bursting out with laughter which only made Even laugh even more. They were only about a few miles from the city by the time the laughter died down, each of them wiping their eyes occasionally and shivering from the wind hitting their cold, wet bodies.

 

“I can’t fucking believe we did that,” Isak eventually said.

 

“I can’t believe we got away with it.”

 

“Barely!”

 

“Still.”

 

“I can’t believe you kissed me,” Isak blurted out.

 

“I can’t believe you kissed me back,” Even replied, just as bluntly as Isak.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Silence filled the air again as the city of Oslo came into view. Isak was holding Even’s waist tightly, leaning into Even’s back in order to try to collect some of his body heat. It was freezing outside, but neither Even nor Isak complained. There was no other place the two of them would rather be. 

 

“Wow,” Even said, filling the silence, absolute wonder lacing his voice.

 

Isak lifted his head up slightly, asking Even, “What?”

 

“Oh, nothing. Just that I’ve been waiting for this fucking moment since I laid eyes on you in the Men’s bathroom.”

 

Isak said nothing, curling himself into Even’s body again, only this time it felt more like a hug than anything else. And, there was no denying that Even felt the boy’s muscles in his face change, forming themselves into what Even could only decipher as a smile so wide he started to feel teeth pressing into his back.

 

_Fuck. I’m so fucked._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, little sneak peak into chapter 5...there will be AU scenes of Even and Isak laying in Isak's bed together :))
> 
> I just love writing the two of them being grossly cute it honestly keeps me alive
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!!!
> 
> Leave a comment or a kudos and yell at me on www.evenbakkas.tumblr.com :))


	5. Sesong 3 Episode 5 Part 1 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is all so new to me.”
> 
> “It’s new for me, too.”
> 
> “It’s kind of scary,” Isak admitted.
> 
> “Yes, it is.”
> 
> “But the good kind, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halla!
> 
> So, I went crazy again during this chapter and wrote 8k words of Even and Isak being grossly cute and angsty together...oops.
> 
> Finally, I reached the point in the story where I can include more AU scenes...which I adore writing immensely.
> 
> Also, just a slight warning, I do travel inside Even's mind in this chapter and discuss parts of his mental illness, i.e. past thoughts of suicide, self doubt, etc. So, if you get triggered by that, you might want to skip this chapter. It's nothing too, too serious, though! Just Even overthinking a few things.
> 
> Enjoy, and don't forget to leave a comment or a kudos to let me know that you liked it!

Even and Isak made sure that Sonja and Emma were no longer at Isak’s flat before finding themselves walking through the apartment hallways, water still slightly dripping from their bodies. Even followed Isak up to the flat, and because it was a Friday night, no one was home. So, now it was just Isak and Even and their soaking wet clothes, alone in the dark living room, coming down from their adrenaline high into a mildly uncomfortable silence. Even had no idea what to say now that he had Isak, alone, and now that he had kissed Isak, and Isak had kissed him back. He had imagined the scenario so many times in his head that now that it had happened, he had no fucking clue what to do next.

 

He was glad when Isak lead them into his bedroom, turning the light on after he’d opened the door. This was the first time Even had seen Isak’s bedroom, and honestly, it looked exactly as he’d pictured it. Bed sheets messed up, dirty clothes laying on the floor, clutter littering basically every surface in his bedroom. The entire room just screamed _Isak Valtersen_.

 

“Sorry about the mess,” Isak laughed awkwardly, as he began to pick up a few of his dirty clothes off the floor.

 

Even smiled, “Hey, don’t clean up on my account.”

 

“Well, it’s embarrassing.”

 

“Nah, it’s actually just really cute.”

 

Isak stopped in the middle of bending over and picking up another piece of clothing to look at Even, a blush swirling its way around his face. Even walked over to Isak then, slowly but with a clear destination in his mind. He grabbed the dirty shirt out of his hands and threw it back on the floor as Isak straightened himself back up and stared at him with confusion. 

 

“Forget about the clothes, Isak,” Even whispered, as he took Isak’s face in his hands and lightly pecked his lips, Isak making a short, almost inaudible humming sound at the touch. Even was so close to Isak that he could hear his heartbeat. It was destiny that the beat matched Even’s.

 

Isak was apprehensive at first, obvious that this type of thing was very new to him. Not the whole kissing part, but the whole kissing **_a guy_** part.

 

And honestly, Even was just so happy that Isak felt comfortable enough to let himself feel whatever he felt for Even. That couldn’t have been easy for him. Even wanted to thank him, as odd as it sounds, but he decided that perhaps it wasn’t such a great idea to address Isak’s sexuality without Isak addressing it himself, first. He was very much aware that pressuring someone to choose something when they aren’t ready is very harmful to that person’s mind. He’d been forced to do that himself with his mental illness many times before, and that’s just not something you get over easily.

 

But, it didn’t take long for Isak to relax against Even’s touch, against his lips, and to let himself just live in the moment again. Even took that as a sign that it was okay to move forward, and he started to kiss Isak deeper, the kind of kisses that leave you weak at the knees and hungry for much, much more. Isak reacted eagerly, now so close to Even that he was practically on top of him. Even wasn’t complaining.

 

They gave each other kisses that hurt, the two of them standing in the middle of Isak’s room, the room feeling like it was spinning around them. It was as if Isak was just as desperate for Even as Even was for him, like this was something he’d also wanted to do for weeks now.

 

They got distracted for who knows how fucking long, Even wasn’t counting. But it soon became apparent that they could feel each other’s wet clothes sticking together, and they couldn’t ignore that fact any longer. 

 

They parted lips, both of them panting heavily as they rested their foreheads on each others. They kept their eyes shut, just breathing in the moment as it happened before them. After awhile, Isak eventually broke the silence, quietly saying, “We should probably put on dry clothes.”

 

“Probably,” Even replied, just as silently.

 

Even and Isak opened their eyes then, and looked at each other before letting each other go. Isak walked over to his dresser, leaving Even still standing in the middle of his room.

 

“Uh, you can…” Isak started, “You can, um, wear some of my clothes to bed, yeah?”

 

Even felt himself drift at Isak’s words. Isak was letting him wear his fucking clothes. _His clothes. Clothes that smelled that Isak. Yes, please._ Even was so distracted by this idea that he’d completely missed the part where Isak mentioned the words “to bed.”

 

“Unless, um, you plan on leaving, then you can just wear them home and return them to me on Monday?” Isak asked, following his previous statement. 

 

Even smiled at Isak and his whole “Unless you plan on leaving,” cover up. Like, yeah, okay, I’m definitely going to head home after finally kissing you and coming home with you and possibly getting to stay the night with you in your bedroom. _Right, Isak._

 

“Are you kicking me out?” Even asked sarcastically, placing a hand over his chest.

 

“No! I just—like if you don’t want to stay, then—“

 

“I think the bed’s big enough for the both of us, don’t you think?” 

 

“I mean, yeah it—“

 

“Unless,” Even cut him off, “You’re a bed hog, in which case we’ll probably have to put pillows in between us so you can control yourself.”

 

“A bed hog?! Even, I’m not—“

  
Even laughed, “Relax, Isak. I’m just making fun of you.”

 

“Don’t do that,” Isak whined.

 

“But it’s just so much fun,” Even teased, wiggling his eyebrows, “Now, hand me some dry clothes. I’m freezing my ass off over here.”

 

Isak grabbed the clothes he’d set on his dresser during his little spat with Even and chucked them at Even’s face, catching him off guard. Even groaned as Isak laughed, the dynamic between them growing into an increasing amount of fondness. 

 

Even flipped the shirt around to see a picture of Jesus plastered on the front, and he rolled his eyes, “Really, Isak? A Jesus shirt?”

 

“I borrowed it from Eskild,” Isak explained, “It’s a little big on me, so I figured it would fit you.”

 

“Are you calling me fat?”

 

“No, it’s not my fault you’re a fucking giraffe.”

 

Even and Isak both locked eyes then, before they burst out laughing. It felt so good to Even to finally be able to joke around with someone so easily. It was effortless fun, and it ignited flames in Even’s mind that burned passionately, making it almost impossible to focus.

 

“A giraffe? Really? I don’t know if I should feel flattered or insulted,” Even replied, as he removed his shirt. Isak’s eyes trailed down his chest to his stomach quickly before they’d averted themselves towards the dresser, grabbing his own t-shirt to change into. 

 

“I don’t know. I like giraffes.”

 

“Oh, so you’re saying you like me, then.”

 

Isak’s face became beet-red at Even’s assumption, and he cleared his throat loudly. Even loved, _loved_ teasing Isak with all his heart. The affect he had on Isak was something Even didn’t understand, but accepted graciously. 

 

“No.”

 

“Excuse me, you just said you liked me.”

 

“I said I like giraffes.”

 

“Pretty sure you just called me a giraffe, Isak.”

 

“I was referring to your height, Even,” Isak teased back.

 

“So you don’t like me then?”

 

“I—What? I didn’t say that.”

 

“Well which one is it, then?”

 

Even smiled brightly at Isak as Isak stood there, stunned. God, if Even didn’t fall apart every time he left Isak speechless. 

 

The air was silent for a quick minute before Even burst out laughing again, and Isak followed, spitting out a, “Fuck you!” in between his laughter. The two of them continued to finish changing as the giggles dissipated throughout Isak’s bedroom. Once they were done, Even sat down on Isak’s bed as Isak stood by the dresser, unsure of what to do next. Even rolled his eyes fondly. 

 

“Isak, this is your bed. Come lay down with me,” Even told him. Isak followed Even’s instructions  almost right away, closing his dresser drawer and hopping into bed with Even, both of them now stretching themselves above the covers and onto the pillows. They laid there for a bit, staring at each other, before Isak said, “Fuck. I forgot to turn the lights off.”

 

He walked over to the door and flicked the light switch off, and then immediately sprinted back to bed, jumping on the left side of Even. Even cackled at his actions.

 

“What the fuck was that?” Even asked.

 

“I get scared in the dark,” Isak admitted openly. _Fuck, he was so adorable._

 

“You’re such a fucking baby, Isak.”

 

“Did you just call me a baby?”

 

“Yes, baby.”

 

“Did you just call me baby?”

 

“Are you finished?” Even asked, scooting himself closer to Isak.

 

Isak let his smile fill his entire face, scrunching his cheeks up in admiration.

 

“I, uh…I’ve never been called baby before.”

 

“No?”

 

“No,” Isak shook his head, “I…I like it.”

  
Even smiled, “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, _baby_ , think you can handle getting under the covers, or what?” Even lifted his eyebrows up at Isak again, loving this new romantic dynamic that was filling the room.

 

“Are you always this cold?” Isak asked, as he lifted himself up from the bed to reach the blanket.

 

“Only when I have a swim in my aunt’s pool.”

 

“I still can’t believe we did that,” Isak stated, his eyes growing wide, “I’ve done some crazy shit, but nothing compared to that.”

 

“Yeah, it was pretty fun.”

 

“Fun?! We almost went to jail!”

 

“Come on, just admit it. You had fun!” Even insisted, poking Isak’s cheek. Isak turned his head towards Even’s quickly, attempting to attack his finger by pretending to bite it. Even moved his finger away faster than Isak could reach his teeth to it, and he chuckled at how disgustingly endearing it was to him.

 

Isak rolled his eyes, “Okay, okay. Maybe it was a little fun.”

 

“It was,” Even sighed, his mouth opening into a yawn.

 

“Remind me not to believe anything you say ever again.”

 

“Well, I got to kiss you finally. So, I’d say lying was worth it.”

 

Isak looked up into Even’s eyes, “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Even yawned again.

 

Which, in turn, made Isak yawn.

 

“Fuck, what time is it?” Even asked Isak.

 

Isak reached for his phone, which was sitting on his side table, “1:58.”

 

“Hmmm…” Even hummed, as his eyes began to shut. Isak turned back over to face Even, the two of them still laying directly across from each other.

 

Even, keeping his eyes shut, reached his arm over to Isak and said, “Get your ass over here.”

 

Isak didn’t need to be told twice, as he shuffled his way into Even’s chest, Even locking his arms around him. Both of them pleasantly sighed at the contact, enjoying each other’s warmth and just the feeling of being so close to each other, so intimate. Even’s heart started to beat fast again, and he was sure Isak could hear it.

 

“Even?” Isak asked, looking up from his chest slightly.

 

“Mhm?”

 

“Your heart’s beating really fast.”

 

“Yeah, that tends to happen when you’re around someone that you like.”

 

Isak buried his face into Even’s chest again, and the two of them spent the next few moments in comfortable silence, both of them drifting closer and closer to sleep.

 

“Even?” Isak asked again, a few moments later.

 

“Yes, Isak?”

 

“I like you, too.”

 

 

* * *

 

  

Even woke up a few times that night, always initially forgetting where he was until he could feel Isak breathing next to him, which always led Even to take his hand and run it through Isak’s hair. He thought he’d woken Isak up at one point, but all Isak did was grunt in his sleep and turn back over. Watching Isak sleep was like an enigma to Even’s brain. _How could someone be so effortlessly perfect? Not possible._

 

When Even couldn’t fall back asleep, he kept replaying in his head everything Isak had told him in the last 24 hours. It seemed surreal, like the entire thing had been a dream. Something Even had created in his mind and was now lost, very deep inside. Even’s only affirmation that everything was, in fact, part of reality now, was the feeling of Isak’s skin as Even would caress his face. He wanted to touch Isak forever, he wanted to lie in bed with Isak forever and just completely forget about the rest of the world. He wanted time to just stop, he wasn’t ready to face any of the complications of going back to his regular life. 

 

Even had no idea what time it was, but judging from the darkness still coming in from the window, he guessed it was still very early in the morning. Being up around this time was something Even had gotten used to a long time ago, but now, it all felt very new. So entirely different, like something Even had never experienced before. And it all came back to the adorable boy lying next to him who was snoring into the side of his pillow. _Isak Valtersen_.

 

With Isak positioned so close to him, Even was feeling a lot of different emotions, like happiness and love and hope and most prominently, gratefulness. Isak had awakened Even in ways Even didn’t even know he needed to be awakened, and it was like Even had been thrown into an entirely new life, leaving the old behind and starting over. And, after everything that Even had gone through, especially in the past year, Even was so, so fucking thankful that he’d found Isak. And that Isak had let himself be found.

 

And so, when Even felt himself drifting off to sleep yet again, he whispered an almost inaudible, “ _Thank you_ ,” to Isak, as he rested his arm around Isak’s waist. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Isak was all over Even later that morning.

 

The two of them had woken up together around noon, legs tangled between legs and arms holding each other close. Isak laid groggily next to Even and Even stared at him, wide eyed, in disbelief. He never knew what it felt like to wake up next to a person you were insanely in love with before, and the feeling consumed his entire mind, body, and soul. Maybe wearing the Jesus shirt paid off, because Even had never been so blessed in his entire life. 

 

“Good morning,” Even smiled.

 

“Hi,” Isak breathed in his face. Even squinted his eyes and jokingly scrunched up his face in disgust.

 

“Ugh, Isak, your breath smells horrible!”

 

“Thanks,” Isak pouted.

 

“Go brush your teeth.”

 

“Make me.” 

 

Even gulped as Isak smirked, moving his face closer to Even’s. Even felt himself stiffen as Isak tilted his head in, rubbing his nose against Even’s nose. It was such an innocent touch, completely contradicting Isak’s previous statement that was full of sexual tension. 

 

That was, until Isak reached his hand out and started tugging on Even’s hair, dragging Even towards him into a mind-numbing kiss, and, well, Even completely forgot about dental hygiene.

 

Even reacted to Isak’s eagerness with the same amount of force, lips tugging at each others in feverish motions. Their kisses looked more like a tug-of-war match than a shower of affection. 

 

Even moaned as Isak latched onto his bottom lip, sucking it slightly. Even hesitantly used his tongue to lick Isak’s upper lip, which led Isak to moan as well.

 

“Still want me to brush my teeth?” Isak taunted, smirking against Even’s lips. 

 

“Ugh, fuck off, Isak,” Even replied in between kisses, feeling the dizziness setting in.

 

The two of them battled against each other for dominance for what seemed like ages before Even realized that he was starting to get hard and well, he could feel Isak getting hard against him. Isak seemed to notice at the same time, because he broke away from Even quickly, changing positions so he could lie on his back, resting his head on the pillow. Even watched him in silence while he panted heavily, trying to catch his breath.

 

After a while, when both of them regulated their breathing, Isak looked over at Even with a glimmer of innocence in his eyes.

 

“Sorry, I—“ Isak started, but Even cut him off before he could continue.

 

“Isak, don’t worry. We can pick back up when you’re ready.” Even smiled, as he leaned forward to peck Isak’s temple lightly. Isak closed his eyes, releasing a sigh of relief. 

 

“This is all so new to me.”

 

“It’s new for me, too.”

 

“It’s kind of scary,” Isak admitted.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

“But the good kind, right?”

 

Even didn’t answer, but instead pulled Isak in towards him, then, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. The two of them still reeked of chlorine, but neither of them seemed to mind. 

 

Because of Even’s height, his lips were square with Isak’s forehead, which made it that much easier for him to softly press his lips against Isak’s skin before resting the side of his chin there.

 

_Baby, being with you could never be bad._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What movie was that?” Even asked awhile later, the two of them laying with their backs on the bed, sideways so that both of their feet were dangling off the sides. As a welcome change of pace, Isak had offered Even some weed, which Even accepted wholeheartedly. This had turned into their thing, the two of them relaxing over a joint and revealing things about themselves that they normally wouldn’t share otherwise.

 

“Just something with Nicolas Cage in it,” Isak started, until he saw Even roll his eyes, to which he proposed, “One where he doesn’t over play.”

 

Even snorted, “Is that even possible?”

 

“I think so.” Isak reached for the joint then, which Even had kept sitting near a coffee cup. He handed him the joint and placed his hand on Isak’s head, which was partially covered by a grey hood.

 

“You know, you have really nice hair, Isak,” Even said absentmindedly.

 

“Fuck off,” Isak groaned.

 

“No, no I’m serious! You have prince hair.”

 

“Prince hair?!”

 

“Yeah, like in the movies! It’s golden and soft, just like in fairytales.”

 

“Ugh, Even,” Isak replied, “You’re so fucking embarrassing.”

 

“You love it.”

 

 

* * *

 

  

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“Isak, did two dogs survive the Titanic?”

 

“I don’t know, what the fuck!?”

 

“Forget it. Just fucking kiss me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You taste really good, Isak,” Even said moments later, after the two of them had spent a good 20 minutes making out upside down.

 

Isak sighed, “What’s with you giving me weird compliments today?”

 

“I don’t know, it’s just—like—even when your breath smells like shit, you still taste good.”

 

Isak scoffed and shoved Even playfully, which, in turn, made Even almost spill the coffee cup full of ashes all over Isak’s bed.

 

“Hey!” Even shrieked.

 

Isak rolled his eyes, “Whatever. My breath isn’t THAT bad.”

 

“You’re right, I just love making fun of you too much.”

 

“Why?!”

 

“Because I love what it does to you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Isak asked, cautiously.

 

“You blush so easily.”

 

“I do not!” Isak exclaimed, while his face turned a familiar shade of red.

 

“Yes you do! You’re doing it right now!”

 

Isak slightly panicked and then felt his cheeks with his hands, only to discover that yes, they were warm and yes, Even made him do that.

 

Isak put on a fake pouty face, which Even didn’t get to see for long before Isak was reaching above Even’s head and covering his eyes with his hands.

 

“What are you doing?” Even questioned, confused.

 

“If you can’t see me, I’m not blushing.”

 

Even burst out laughing, while Isak held his hands in place. 

 

_This boy was going to be the death of me._

 

“You’re so fucking cute,” Even said, as he turned his head towards Isak’s, following his facial features with his lips. Isak removed his hand.

 

“I could kiss you forever, you know that?”

  
Isak gulped, “Yeah?”

 

Even dragged his lips over Isak’s chin, onto the corners of his mouth, and as far as he could down his neck from the position he was currently in. 

 

“You’re skin—“ Even started, as he peppered kisses down Isak’s throat, making Isak shudder in response, “is so soft.”

 

Isak made a sound mixed between a whine and a moan, which only made Even suck in a breath and moan in response.

 

“So kiss me,” Isak begged.

 

“I am.”

 

“No. On the lips.”

 

Isak tried to tilt his head down towards Even’s so that he could connect their lips, but Even wasn’t having it. Not yet, anyway.

 

Even moved his head further along Isak’s neck so that Isak could no longer reach it. He wet his lips as Isak continued to whine, the two of them completely out of breath. 

 

“ _Even_.”

 

“Yes, Isak?”

 

“ _Please_.”

 

“Please what?” Even sucked on Isak’s skin as he moved his way up towards Isak’s face.

 

“ _I want to taste you_.” 

 

Even sighed as he suddenly repositioned himself, finally caressing Isak’s lips with his own. Isak was initially surprised at the first impact, but melted into Even as the two of them were at it again, sharing intimate moments together, completely disconnected from the outside world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I think life’s like a movie, and that you can be the director of your own life,” Even mentioned, as he was staring into Isak’s eyes, “Do you get what I mean?”

 

Even and Isak were laying on the pillows together, Even with his arm behind Isak and Isak resting his head on the crook between Even’s arm and shoulder. Isak had his head tilted up towards Even so that he could watch Even as he spoke. 

 

The whole of Saturday had just consisted of them kissing, kissing until one of them completely ran out of breath or until one them really had to run to the bathroom, and fast. Isak didn’t want his other flatmates to know that Even was there, which Even accepted, given that he was just happy that Isak allowed him to be there in the first place. It was a wonder that Eskild, Noora, or another flatmate Isak had named Linn, didn’t catch his gangly body wandering through the hallways. 

 

Isak smiled at Even before saying, “I do. But, I’m not sure I completely agree.”

 

“You don’t agree?” Even was surprised. People didn’t normally challenge him when he spoke deeply about life. They normally just thought he was going off on a crazy tangent and waited until the end to just quickly agree so that Even would stop talking. He wasn’t used to someone being interested enough to continue the conversation.

 

“Nah…” Isak started, “What makes it all so interesting is the infinity.”

 

Infinity? Unsure of what Isak was trying to get at, Even pressed for more information.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Isak tilted his head to focus his gaze on Even’s eyes, “All of the parallel universes! Everything—like, just how big everything is. How insignificant we are compared to all of the infinite parallel universes that exist.”

 

Even squinted his eyes and smiled a knowing smile, aware that Isak was getting excited about his own tangent and Even, absolutely falling in love with the Isak lying beside him, ranting about the things he’s interested in. 

 

“And, everything that can happen WILL happen. Not only will it happen, it IS happening.”

 

Even couldn’t help the frown lines that began to appear on his forehead as he thought hard about what Isak was saying. And, potentially, a little too hard.

 

“There’s probably, in a parallel universe, an Isak and an Even that are lying in the exact same way, in the exact same place, only that…you know…”

 

Isak giggled to himself as he noticed the excitement bubbling out of his mouth.

 

“There’s like, a different color on the curtains, or whatever.” 

 

Even kept his smile as he glanced towards the curtains and back to Isak, where he finished by saying, “So, yellow curtains then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Nah…I think that’s enough jay for you.”

 

Even shook Isak’s shoulder and laughed to let him know that he was joking, only Isak was too into his thoughts on parallel universes that he didn’t blink at all.

 

“Have you never thought about it?” he asked.

 

_Oh, I have Isak. Many times._

 

Only those thoughts had always lead to darker thoughts, and to darker thoughts, and darker thoughts…

 

Even didn’t want to admit to Isak how fucked up his mind really was, he didn’t want to reveal that Isak’s type of thinking was the type that would play with his head, make him believe things that weren’t exactly real. Make questions swirl around his brain that either had too many answers or not enough. Questions like,

 

_What’s the point?_

 

_Why am I here?_

 

_What does it matter?_

 

And, whenever Even was having a bad day, or whenever his Bipolar Disorder would produce depressive episodes, the answers to those questions could get pretty dark. Really dark, actually. The kind of dark that scares other people away or that just screams to other people that you’re fucking crazy. And no one wants to deal with crazy.

 

So, Even kept his mouth shut. He didn’t blurt his thoughts out to Isak like the part of his brain that was telling him to. He didn’t scare Isak away with his own misery and self doubt. He kept the conversation as light as he possibly could without opening **that** side of himself up to Isak too much. 

 

“Well, yeah…but it’s just making me feel so…”

 

“It’s so interesting!” Isak interjected.

 

“…I don’t know, **_lonely_**.”

 

Even paused for a moment before answering Isak, “Nah, I don’t like it.”

 

The atmosphere was becoming a bit uncomfortable for Even because he really didn’t want to think about how many times he’d felt so lonely that he just wanted to die.

 

The times that the pain was too much to handle and he really just wanted to die.

 

The times he couldn’t control his thoughts and his only solution was to die.

 

He really didn’t want to think about it.

 

But, that’s the problem with mental illnesses. If they even find one small negative thing to latch onto, sometimes, they blow the entire thing up and that’s all you can think about for the next few hours, days, weeks. Mental illnesses can push you to be triggered by even the smallest of things and send you down a dark, deep hallway with no exit signs illuminating the way out. It’s honestly just such a mess that so many people don’t have the time or energy to care enough to stay. And Even really, really wanted Isak to stay. So many people in his life have not. 

 

“Why not?” Isak asked.

 

“I don’t know…it freaks me out.”

 

Isak chuckled slightly, “Jesus Christ, in what way?”

 

Even felt the need to explain himself, because the thoughts in his mind were flashing red signals that he’d said something wrong and that Isak wouldn’t be as interested in him anymore if the truth were to come out. He also didn’t want Isak to get the wrong idea.

 

“Not in the way you get freaked out by a scary movie, but like…more of a ‘feeling alone’ sort of freaked out.” He hoped Isak would understand what he was trying to say. It really was a complicated thing to describe to someone who never experienced it before.

 

Even continued, “That like…it’s your head…it’s you, and your head, and all of your thoughts.”

 

Isak scrunched his face up in confusion and asked, “What do you mean? ‘Alone in your head’?”

 

“‘The brain is alone’ feeling.”

 

“What kind of feeling, ‘the brain is alone’?” Isak still wasn’t following.

 

Even sighed, trying to smile to keep the conversation light, but it was becoming harder as the topic continued.

 

“Because there’s only you and your thoughts, you know. And you can’t escape your thoughts. The only way,” he paused, “is to die.”

 

Isak was taken aback by Even’s conclusion, not knowing where he was coming from or how he could get that just from a simple conversation about parallel universes. It just wasn’t in his capacity to understand.

 

“That’s real dark, though,” Isak answered apprehensively.

 

“Yeah, but have you never thought about it before?”

 

Isak shook his head, “No.”

 

Even didn’t know whether to be scared about how ignorant Isak was about how dark life could really get or to rejoice at his ignorance. He was extremely happy that Isak didn’t have to deal with those types of thoughts, but at the same time, it only reassured Even that he might be too fucked up for Isak. He didn’t want to influence Isak or bring Isak down with him. That was the last thing he would ever want.

 

“Jeez,” Even started, playing it off, “I’d forgotten how young you are.”

 

Isak laughed and Even joined in, before both of them were shook silent by a knock at the door. Isak lifted his head up from Even’s chest.

 

“What is it?!” he shouted.

 

Even could hear Eskild’s voice shouting back from the hallway, “Are you just going to stay in there all day?”

 

“I’m sleeping!” Even laughed silently at Isak’s lie. What they were doing was far from sleeping.

 

“Okay?” Eskild asked, “Whose shoes are in the hall?”

 

_Fuck._

 

 _“_ Uh…” Isak struggled, “Those are Jonas’. I borrowed them.”

 

The two of them quietly waited for Eskild’s reply, which took him a few seconds before he casually said, “Okay…” and removed himself from standing on the other side of the door.

 

“Fuck. Fucking babysitter.”

 

Even watched Isak as he rolled his eyes and found his way back to Even’s chest. The boy was so dramatic when he became irritable, and Even just couldn’t get enough. He wanted to reach over and squeeze Isak’s adorable little cheeks. But, he didn’t want to ruin the picture of Isak, cuddling into Even’s side with adoration in his eyes. He decided to lightly run his fingers over the side of Isak’s face that wasn’t being smushed by his other arm.

 

“How did you end up in this shared apartment?” Even asked, following Isak’s grumpy exclamation.

 

“Uh…it was basically just that…there was this one night I was really drunk, and then I met Eskild…” Isak trailed off, lifting his eyebrows and slightly shrugging.

 

“Okay…so he basically picked you up, then?”

 

Even fought the tinge of jealousy that was creeping through his fingertips at the thought of another guy being interested in Isak. I mean, he knew Isak was hot as fuck, and that he probably had everyone a tiny bit interested, anyway, but Even wanted Isak to be hot as fuck with him, and him only. Even was desperate to be **the** man of Isak’s life.

 

“No!” Isak laughed, “Or, I don’t fucking know. I don’t actually remember. I think he just felt sorry for me, because…yeah, like I said I was really drunk, and my dad had just left my mom too, you know.”

 

 _Oh, fuck._ Even didn’t know that.

 

Even’s parents were always happy with each other, at least they were whenever Even was around. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for his parents to get a divorce. And given Isak was staying with a couple of flatmates, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have parents that didn’t care, either.

 

Isak continued, “So…yeah. The thing was, I didn’t want to go back home, so he brought me back here, and then…blah, blah, blah.”

 

Even laughed at Isak’s audacity to go from being really serious to shrugging things off like it was nobody’s business. He was also a little bummed because it seemed like Isak didn’t think Even would be interested in hearing him talk about himself, and he just wanted to envelope Isak into a huge bear hug and never let him go.

 

“Blah, blah, blah. Good story.”

 

Isak smiled, “Yeah. You can have it. Make a movie.”

 

“I **will** make a movie about you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

The thought of making a movie about Isak ignited a sea of warmth inside Even, because he’d been keen on directing a film about the love of his life for years now. Perhaps he’d finally found the lead.

 

“Do you want to know what it’s called?” Even asked.

 

“What?”

 

“ **The Boy Who Couldn’t Hold His Breath Underwater**.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes in fake annoyance as Even giggled at his attempt at making fun of Isak. He was enjoying the moment so much he could feel himself about to vomit rainbows. 

 

“Sounds like a…pompous piece of shit movie!” Isak exclaimed.

 

 _Here come the rainbows_.

 

“And by the way, I can hold my breath underwater. It’s just that I got a drop of water stuck in my throat.”

 

“Oh, a drop of water, huh?” Even chuckled.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Even kept his eyes on Isak as Isak averted his own, admiration hanging like a sign over both of their faces. Isak was tugging at Even’s heart strings so hard they were about to snap. He was glad that the two of the them had moved the conversation from being uncomfortable to their number one dynamic of being sarcastic and full of lame humor. 

 

It was awhile before Even realized Isak was actually staring down at Even’s phone, which was vibrating on his stomach. Even had been too distracted to notice.

 

When Even reached for his cell phone, he saw the name ‘Sonja’ light up on the screen, and he sighed as he waited for her name to disappear. 

 

Isak didn’t let the moment escape him, and he was too smart to think Even would be annoyed and sighing at some random person’s name on his phone.

 

“Sonja?” he asked.

 

_Yeah, Sonja. My girlfriend of four years who I’ve been pretending doesn’t exist so I can lie with you in peace away from her and the outside world. That Sonja._

 

“I’m so fucked,” Even groaned, and he really was. He’d been avoiding having to deal with those issues ever since he knew how he felt about Isak. The nagging had only grown worse when he became aware of how Isak felt about him. He wasn’t ready to go back out into the world yet, he wanted to hold on to this daydream just awhile longer. 

 

Even touched his lips to Isak’s forehead and sighed yet again.

 

“Can’t I just…“ he began, “stay in here with you forever? Can we do that?”

 

Isak looked up to Even and beamed, so much that it reached his eyes.

 

“We can do that.”

 

Even’s entire body melted against Isak’s as he began to brush his fingers lightly through Isak’s hair, stroking his skin in the process. Isak moved his lips towards Even’s, asking for a kiss, and Even obliged happily. Isak had confirmed he’d wanted to be a part of Even’s forever, and Even was eager to shower Isak with delicate kisses, holding him close as he’d feel Isak’s heartbeat start to become erratic, displaying his affection for the tall boy who was a sappy mess over the slightly less taller boy. 

 

When the two of them had settled outside a range of being able to connect their lips together, they both sat in comfortable silence, enjoying the softness in their hearts and the love in their stomachs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Can you believe we met in the Men’s bathroom?” Isak asked awhile later, the two of them still snuggling in bed with each other, only this time Isak was trailing his hand up and down Even’s ribcage and Even was flinching every time he would hit this certain spot between the bottom of his ribs and his hips. Isak had learned Even was ticklish and he was taking advantage of this new knowledge, only trying to hide it behind a caress but Even wasn’t that easily fooled.

 

The window had gone from light to dark again, as the night was fighting its way throughout Oslo.

 

“Yes,” Even replied, as he sucked in a breath.

 

“What?” 

 

“You think meeting in the Men’s bathroom was an accident?”

 

Isak stopped his hand motions and snapped his head up to Even’s. 

  
“What do you mean?”

 

“Isak, I don’t empty paper towel rolls for every guy I see.”

 

“I’m confused _._ ”

 

“Oh my god. I followed you into the bathroom!”

 

“ _You what_?”

 

Even booped Isak’s nose with his finger as he leaned in to kiss it, “I…”

 

He moved his lips to Isak’s cheek, “followed you…”

 

Then to Isak’s forehead, “into…”

 

And finally, his lips, “…the Men’s bathroom.”

 

Isak was breathless as he asked, “ _Why_?”

 

“You don’t think I noticed you staring at me from the bleachers?”

 

“I—“

 

“Because I’m pretty sure you noticed me staring back.”

 

Isak opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it, his brows furrowing deeper and deeper as he just gained more ‘ _Isak Valtersen is so fucking cute_ ’ points to Even, honestly. 

 

At this point, it was Isak Valtersen: 100, Even Bech Næsheim: 0.

 

“How did you know I was in the Men’s bathroom?” Isak asked. 

 

“I watched you leave, Isak.”

 

“So, you were stalking me.”

 

“I’m not ashamed that I followed a cute boy around only to find his ass hiding in the Men’s bathroom playing video games.”

 

Even poked Isak’s cheek while Isak blushed, rolling his eyes at the same time.

 

“The bathroom part’s on you, baby,” Even cooed.

 

“Whatever, at least I didn’t waste half a roll of paper towels.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry you made me nervous, then.”

 

“I made you nervous?!” Isak asked, clearly in shock.

 

“Ugh, come on, Isak,” Even smiled fondly.

 

Isak wasn’t letting it go, “No, seriously, Even. How did I make you nervous?”

 

Even sank his head down so that he was eye to eye with Isak, trying to investigate if Isak was genuinely asking him how he’d made Even nervous, almost like it was an impossible thing.

 

When Isak’s eyes didn’t waver, Even could hardly believe it. 

 

“ _Isak Valtersen_ ,” he scoffed, before pressing their noses together, “ _Why can’t you see how fucking hot you are_?”

 

Isak gulped at Even’s statement, trailing his eyes down to Even’s lips.

 

“You’re hotter,” he whispered.

 

Isak tilted his head so he could place a kiss on Even’s lips, only for Even to move back slightly out of reach. Isak groaned.

 

“…and you’re a fucking tease.”

 

Even laughed and shrugged, “I’m just getting prepared to fight you.”

 

“Huh? Fight me?!”

 

“Yeah, until you admit to yourself that you’re insanely attractive.”

 

“Oh really?” Isak chuckled.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How are you going to fight me then?”

 

“By not fighting you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m not going to kiss you again until you say it.”

 

Isak, rolling his eyes AGAIN ( _he was on quite the_ ** _roll_** _tonight_ ), shoved Even’s shoulder playfully.

 

“Are you serious?!”

 

“Yes.”

 

Both of them were silent as they stared at each other, Even with a smirk and Isak with his mouth half open. 

 

“Even!” Isak whined, pouting his lips. Even bit on his own to control himself, he knew Isak was just trying to break him down.

 

“Not gonna work,” Even said, winking, or trying to wink, at Isak. He’d never really been that good at winking, anyway.

 

Isak continued to torture Even, “Baby…” 

 

“No.”

 

“Please?” _Fuck, Isak. Stop looking at me like that._

 

“Like what?” Isak asked, smirking.

 

“What?”

 

“You told me to stop looking at you like that. How am I looking at you?”

 

_Oh, cool. Apparently I said that out loud._

 

“Still not gonna work, baby. Although you are fucking killing me,” Even groaned.

 

“So why don’t you just kiss me?”

 

“Not until you admit that you’re hot as fuck.”

 

“But I’m not.”

 

“ _Isak_.”

 

“ _Even_.”

 

“You really are so stubborn, you know that?” Even laughed.

 

Isak kept his lips in a pout, and Even continued to trace his skin with his fingers.

 

“But it’s cute. You’re cute. See? It’s really not that hard to say, Isak.”

 

Isak sighed and positioned himself into Even’s side, curling around him so that Even could hold him tight. Even kissed Isak’s hair and sighed as well.

 

“One day, Isak,” he whispered, “One day I’ll get you to see just how special you really are.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Isak prompted Even, expressing his interest in the perplexity of Even’s facial expression.

 

Even was gazing at the ceiling, his eyes glossy and solemn but still full of light, and a lot of it. Isak was like an energy source to Even, similar to an outlet for a very tall and slender-looking lamp. He could feel himself constantly vibrating with love, never once fading and never once breaking the connection. Isak was the sun against the looming darkness trying to claw it’s way through Even’s brain. He could feel himself beginning to slip, beginning to overthink thoughts that shouldn’t be overthought. He was very anxious about what having Isak laying next to him right now meant to everything else in his life, everything else that now, just seemed like a part of the past.

 

He was anxious about hiding things from Isak. He was anxious that if he didn’t hide things from Isak, Isak would hide himself from Even. He was anxious that if he continued to hide things from Isak, the weight of his decisions would only continue to suffocate him more and more. He was anxious about telling Sonja he’d found someone else. 

 

These were all very real things to Even, things he’d known were coming but was always too focused on trying not to deal with. Especially with Sonja. He wasn’t really that upset about breaking things off with her, he was more so worried about her reaction. Over the years she’d begun to blame a lot of Even’s actions on his Bipolar Disorder. And over the years, she’d often times been right. 

 

One of the things Even had been struggling with the most was if his feelings with Isak were completely HIS feelings or if his Bipolar Disorder had very much dramatized them. It was a commonly known symptom that this illness can heighten your thoughts and feelings and Even had always been insecure that he’d end up hurting someone because his brain might suddenly decide to lose interest. 

 

But, even on Even’s bad days, he still felt very vulnerable and very open to Isak. He still gave his heart over to Isak willingly, letting Isak do whatever he wanted with it. And Isak had treated it well, very well, so far. He’d almost treated him too well for someone who was hiding such a major life issue from him. And it made Even feel so, so guilty. 

 

He couldn’t deny that he’d felt like he’d constantly been pouring over the edges ever since he met Isak, that even on his bad days, this huge gust of love swelled up in his chest so much it’d almost cut off the connection to his lungs. And, on Even’s best days, love felt like a fucking waterfall, a fucking storm of hurricanes. He couldn’t calm the waves even if he tried. 

 

Even had never felt anything like this before, never something so innocently pure and tragically beautiful at the same time. He’d thought he may have found love previously, many times, always leavings bits and pieces of himself with strangers along the way. But, never anything close to the tumbling, overpowering sensation that was _Isak Valtersen_.

 

And, that’s why Even was so sure he really was in love with Isak, that his feelings were so completely real they truly felt like needles on his skin. He loved Isak with everything he had. He’d wanted a future with Isak before he even knew who Isak was. It was this entire, grand masterpiece that had unfolded itself to Even so quickly he’d still felt a permanent handprint from being slapped in the face with it. 

 

Even would always be dealing with doubt, self doubt and doubt from his illness. And it hurt so fucking much sometimes he’d often given up and let himself break completely in half. 

 

Even couldn’t tell Isak this, not yet. Not until he knew for sure. Not until he knew it was okay.

 

He didn’t want to fuck Isak up. He didn’t want to ruin him. He’d been guilty of doing that before. At least, that’s what others had told him.

 

Even didn’t say it, he didn’t go into details, he didn’t spring his dark mind into the conversation. No, he used the energy of Isak Valtersen to push it as far away from himself as possible. And, that’s why he was staring up at the ceiling, contemplating how someone like Isak could even exist, and exist at the same time as him.

 

“You,” Even answered, finally.

 

“What about me?” Isak was smiling. God, Even loved that smile. 

 

“Just contemplating what I’m going to draw next.”

 

“Like, the art in your bedroom?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“You’re really great at drawing, Even.”

 

“Nah.”

 

“I mean it. It’s the first thing that made me have a huge crush on you.”

 

Even laughed, something that he meant in return.

 

“Well, that and your insanely good looks.”

 

Even smiled and wrapped his fingers around Isak’s hand, pulling up slowly so that the two hands were sitting on top of Even’s chest. He’d fought with himself twice before reaching them up to his lips, placing a small kiss on Isak’s palm as Isak melted into a puddle beside him.

 

“If you’re going to give me compliments like that, maybe I really should keep you around,” Even replied, smirking in Isak’s direction.

 

Isak tried to remove his hand and turn away from Even, but Even wouldn’t allow it, grabbing for Isak and dragging him right back where he belonged. 

 

Isak frowned playfully, quietly murmuring, “Were you planning on getting rid of me?”

 

Even scoffed, “Ha, never! You know too much about me now, I’d have to kill you.”

 

“Oh, so I’m stuck with you then?”

 

“You’re stuck with me.”

 

“Dammit.” Isak faked disappoint, as the two of them joined each other in a bout of sarcastic laughter. 

 

Even squeezed Isak into a hug, now beaming from the lightness that was filling his heart. 

 

“if you’re stuck with me,” Even started, “I should probably let you know that I’ve already been drawing you on my sketchpad…”

 

“Have you now?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“What have you been drawing?”

 

“You don’t want to know.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes, “Tell me!”

 

“ _Baby_.”

 

“ _Evy_.”

 

“A nickname? Seriously?” Even chuckled, raising his eyebrows.

 

“You get nicknames when you don’t listen…” Isak trailed off, removing his hand from Even’s and sliding it down Even’s side.

 

Even gasped suddenly, closing his eyes, “Isak, what are you doing?”

  
“You’re forgetting,” Isak began, as his hand continued to travel, “That I know one of your weak spots.”

 

“Isak, no.”

 

“Tell me and I’ll stop.”

 

“Why do you want to know so bad?”

 

“There’s obviously some reason you don’t want me to know, _Evy_ …” 

 

Even was enjoying the nickname more than he probably should. He’d never admit that to Isak, though, who was taking pleasure in the fact that Even was rendered completely useless every time Isak touched him, nevertheless ticked him.

 

“Fuck, Isak…you’re relentless.”

 

“I’ll accept that.” 

 

“Okay, okay! I’ll tell you!” Even suddenly announced, unable to take the torture any longer.

 

“I’m listening.”

 

“I might have drawn you…as a snake.”

 

Isak gawked at Even, “A snake?!”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Why the hell?!”

 

“You look cute as a snake.”

 

“A snake, Even?!” Isak rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

 

Even couldn’t control the giggles falling from his lips, “A snake.”

 

“What the fuck?!”

  
“It’s art.”

 

“Is this your way of telling me you have a snake kink?!”

 

Even nearly died from laughter at Isak’s comment, and Isak, who’d been clearly enjoying this entire thing, watched the tears fall from Even’s eyes.

 

“It’s just art, baby!”

 

“Art is so fucking weird.”

 

“So are you,” Even joked, winking as Isak turned back over and shoved him.

 

When the bed stopped bouncing a few seconds later, Isak had his ‘pouty face’ back on again.

 

Even was still laughing, completely enamored by the boy in the grey hoodie who’d just asked him if he’d had a snake kink. _Holy fuck._

 

“If it makes you feel any better,” Even continued, “The snake turned into a prince.”

 

Isak smiled as he went in for a kiss, only to have Even put his hand between their lips.

 

“Ah-ah, no kissing remember?” Even smirked. 

 

Isak flew onto his back again, blowing air out of his cheeks exasperatedly.

 

“Promise me the next time you draw me, I won’t be a snake or a prince?”

 

Even touched Isak’s cheek, completely aware of the many ideas he’d already had racing through his mind. 

 

“I promise.”

 

 

.

 

 

“Even, are you really not going to kiss me again?”

 

“Exactly how much self control do you think I have? I attacked you in a goddamn swimming pool for fuck’s sake.”

 

“I’m really glad you did.”

 

“Me, too.”

 

 

.

 

 

“What are you doing?” Isak asked, with his eyes closed. Even and Isak had spent a good amount of time in silence, just listening to each other’s breathing. Only now, Even was gently pulling Isak closer and tilting his head down, grabbing Isak’s lips with his own like his life depended on it. Isak smiled into the kiss, weaving his hands through Even’s hair.

 

“Guess this means you give up?” Isak said, partially mumbling into Even’s lips.

 

“I’m done punishing myself.”

 

“Good,” Isak stated firmly, gripping onto the t-shirt Even was wearing, the two of them now sitting up on Isak’s bed.

 

“ _Great_ ,” Even replied, pulling Isak’s shirt from his head.

 

“ ** _Fantastic_** ,” Isak spit out, following Even’s lead.

 

“Cool,” Even sighed, ripping his own shirt from his body.

 

“Cool,” Isak mimicked, as they both fell back into the sheets, the blankets wrapping around them as the air continued to fog in both love and sexual tension and the night continued to travel its way throughout Oslo.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to stop this chapter after the weekend Even and Isak spent together, considering I'd already writing around 8k, so next chapter should be the continuation of episode 5 and episode 6.
> 
> Also, hint hint, we'll be introduced to Even's parents in the next chapter! Who, as previously mentioned, are the greatest people in the entire world :)
> 
> As I'm sure you all are very aware of the plot of Season 3, lots and lots of angst are coming your way...but of course, as always, they will be mixed in with massive amounts of fluffiness :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!! Leave a comment or a kudos to fuel my need to keep writing, and fast! ;)
> 
> Also, don't forget to scream at me on www.evenbakkas.tumblr.com !


	6. Sesong 3 Episode 5 Part 2 - Even Bech Næsheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I decided my life would be better off without mentally ill people around me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I just want to apologize for how long this took me to write...I started another fic and I've been so wrapped up in that one and it's been hard to balance writing on top of everything in my personal life and yeah wow I suck
> 
> Also, just a warning, this chapter kind of shits on mental illnesses, but I just want you all to know that it's from Isak and Even's POV, and just because they think those things does NOT mean they are true. Of course I had to share Even struggling with his mental illness as part of the story, but to anyone out there--you are always welcome to talk to me over on my tumblr and whatnot if you ever need to talk to anyone or if you are feeling down. My inbox is always open and I am willing to talk to literally anyone and everyone!!
> 
> I do not claim to know what it is like to suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and if anything in this chapter seems inaccurate, please, please let me know. 
> 
> I introduce Even's parents in this chapter as well. Can I just say really quickly how much I love them? Like.....
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!! And I apologize ahead of time for the angst and sadness :(((
> 
> I love you all!!

It was late Sunday morning. Even wasn’t with Isak, and Isak wasn’t with Even.

 

Even was lying in his bed, his head pounding at the thoughts that kept circling around his brain. Unable to really focus on much, he’d had his music on shuffle and had been staring at the ceiling for awhile now. It was nearing the afternoon, and Even hadn’t moved an inch in at least an hour, not since he’d gotten up to go to the bathroom, anyway. He could feel himself falling back into routine, and was struggling hard to fight against it.

 

Earlier that morning, after having not slept at all, Even had make a quick decision to leave Isak while he was asleep in case his head got even worse. He was trying to protect Isak from having to deal with any of the side effects of his Bipolar Disorder, and he was trying to protect himself from having to tell Isak about it before he was ready. Basically, he’d come to the conclusion that heading home was probably the best idea for everyone involved. So, he’d left a drawing he’d worked on in the middle of the night next to Isak’s pillow for him to find once he woke up before Even made his way to the front door. 

 

Leaving Isak’s shared flat didn’t go unnoticed though, as Isak’s flatmate Eskild was making tea in the kitchen at 5 o’clock in the morning. He’d introduced himself to Eskild and made a little small talk, and he was impressed with him for not pressing any questions. The guy was a master at making sure other people were comfortable, and Even was glad Isak had him around. Eskild seemed to be the type of person who was full of knowledge and advice, and Even had a lot of respect for him.

 

But, now in the present, as his eyes transitioned from open to close, and his music continued to shuffle its way through Even’s bedroom, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he wished he had stayed until Isak had woken up.

 

Even missed him. He’d seen him not more than 6 hours ago, but he was already longing to run his hands through Isak’s head of golden hair, or to caress his face until Isak blushed, or to insist on making fun of Isak’s morning breath. Even felt spoiled that Saturday morning had given him a glimpse into what dating Isak would truly be like, and now, it seemed like the floor had been pulled out from beneath him. 

 

It was hard, and it was much harder than it should have been. On top of everything else, he had the weight of breaking the news to Sonja sitting atop his shoulders. He certainly wasn’t ready to deal with that aftermath, and Even was pretty sure he wasn’t exactly in the best mindset to do it now, anyway. 

 

Once noon came and gone, Even could hear his parents shuffling around in the kitchen. It sounded like they were talking about work, which was something that was often discussed between his moms. The two of them had taken over ownership of a small cafe in the city of Oslo called Kaffebrenneriet when Even transferred to Hartvig Nissen. They’d originally wanted to rename the place “Monica & Karin’s Cafe”, but that battle wasn’t so easily fought with the CEO of the company.

 

Monica and Karin both loved their job, and they were typical workaholics. Whenever they weren’t at home, they would be at the cafe, helping out wherever help was needed. They’d even offered Even a job for when he finished high school, but, as much as he loved both of them, it was nice to get away from them for awhile. 

 

It was almost like his mom’s had heard him thinking as the two of them peered into his room, which was a method they practiced whenever Even wasn’t feeling the best. They were definitely predictable, and it wasn’t hard for Even to pick up on their tricks given his keen observation skills. But, if he wanted to be left alone, he wasn’t afraid to tell them, because they supported whatever was best for him and his mental health. Even truly couldn’t have asked for better parents. 

 

“Hey, honey,” Monica started, “How are you feeling?”

 

“I’m alright, I guess.” Even was still lying down, staring at the ceiling.

 

Karin raised her eyebrows, “You sure?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The two of them looked at each other for a brief moment before nodding, some form of secret communication they used when they couldn’t say the words out loud. 

 

“Why don’t you come join us in the kitchen for tea, hmm?” Karin asked.

 

Even sighed. He knew what his parents were doing, they were trying to get him to leave his room so he’d have a change of pace from sulking alone. And yeah, it’s definitely something Even had given into many times before because he hated to make them worry about him. They didn’t need more stress in their life.

 

“I’m not sure…”

 

“Even, babe, you haven’t eaten anything all day. At least come out to drink something, please?” Monica insisted, as she held hands with Karin, who was still standing next to her.

 

Even hadn’t noticed until then how dry his throat was and tea sounded pretty good, at least the calming kind that could help with his pounding headache from thinking too much. Yeah, maybe he could handle a few minutes outside of his bedroom.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Even answered as he sat up from under the covers, turning off his music and descending down the ladder from his top bunk. 

 

Monica and Karin sauntered into the kitchen as Even followed, taking a seat at the kitchen table while Karin turned on the stove. 

 

Monica hoisted herself up on the kitchen countertop, crossing her legs while Karin joined Even at the table. Even, who was staring down into his lap, still overthinking.

  
“What’s on your mind, Ev?” Karin questioned.

 

Even sighed, “A lot of things.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Monica chimed in while monitoring the tea kettle on the stove.

 

“No…yes…I mean, I don’t know…”

 

“You can tell us anything, babe. No matter what it is, you know that right?”

 

Even glanced at the both of them, “Yeah, I know, it’s not that I don’t trust you guys, it’s just that I’m scared.”

 

“Scared? How come?”

 

“Because…because once I say it out loud, it all becomes so real. And I don’t know if I can handle real, you know?”

 

Monica and Karin both furrowed their brows as concern began to creep along their faces. 

 

“How so?” Monica asked. 

 

“Like, if I say it then everything changes. And I’ve just gotten so used to everything being the same old shit all the time, that I’m terrified if I change one thing then it’s going to fuck everything else up.”

 

Karin sighed and reached her hand over to Even’s to comfort him, “It’s your life, babe. It’s your choice. But, you also have to realize that you can’t control everything. Things are changing around you all the time, and that doesn’t mean it’s always a bad thing. Some things just happen because they’re meant to be. And if it’s meant to be, then I’m sure everything else will work itself out.”

 

Even looked up at Karin and smiled slightly, “I guess I’m just scared because I’ve always done what’s safe. And this, **_he_** , is definitely not safe.”

 

Karin kept her eyes on Even as Monica walked over to them, standing behind Karin’s chair so that she could see Even’s face while he talked. 

 

“He? As in a boy?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Even half expected the two of them to judge him, judge him because he’s clearly dating Sonja and that’s been going on for four years and suddenly he’s sitting here having an existential crisis over some boy he’s never even mentioned before. But, like the amazing people that they are, the two of them just beamed widely at Even, silently asking him to continue.

 

“I…I met him two weeks ago.”

 

“What’s his name?”

 

“ _Isak_.”

 

“Does he go to your school?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Does Sonja know?”

 

“No.”

 

The two of them nodded slowly as the realization hit their faces. I mean, his parents had overheard Even and Sonja fighting more times than he could count, so it wasn’t such a surprise that the news didn’t really include her. Less surprising, even, that Sonja wasn’t aware of any of it.

 

“Are…are you going to tell her?” Karin asked.

 

“I have to if I want to be with him.”

 

Monica chimed in, “Oh, so this is serious?”

 

“I really like him, Mon.”

 

“Wow,” the two of them said at the same time. Even switched his eyes between them, waiting for them to say something next. When they said nothing, Even took the liberty of saying something, instead.

 

“He…he makes me feel like I’m on fire, you know? But the good kind. Like, my life was dull before him, and as soon as I’d seen him for the first time, it was like my life was suddenly in color? I don’t know. I can’t really explain it, but my stomach hurts and I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s been all I can think about for the past two months. And, he…we finally kissed on Friday, and I can still feel it right now, and that’s where I was yesterday, and this morning, and…” Even trailed off while his parents sat there, Monica’s hand on Karin’s shoulder as they listened to him ramble on about Isak. Even felt embarrassed at his little confession, but at the same time it felt good, _really good_ , to say it out loud. And to someone other than Isak himself.

 

“Do you get what I mean?” Even asked, as the two of them were still silent.

 

Karin looked up at Monica and smiled, who smiled back in return, a knowing look on their faces.

 

“Yes, Even,” Karin said, “We do.”

 

Monica walked over to Even and hugged him as he sat still on the kitchen chair, his arms pinned down in a tight squeeze.

 

“I’m just so happy for you, baby,” Monica whispered as she kissed his hair, then walking back to the tea kettle and turning it off before digging through the cabinets for tea cups. 

 

“I was scared to tell you guys because I didn’t know how you’d react,” Even admitted.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Like…with Sonja, and everything…”

 

Karin took her tea cup from Monica as she brought them over, setting one down in front of Even before taking a seat with her own.

 

“Listen, Even,” Monica began, “Yes, it’s true that it’s not a good idea to cheat on your girlfriend with someone else, and you should have told her beforehand, so I get how you might be feeling guilty about that…but I also understand how insecure you must have felt about letting yourself take that step with someone else, especially given everything else you deal with in your life…and I think I speak for Karin and myself when I say that we’re so, so proud of you for going out and finally doing something for yourself. It’s really okay to be selfish sometimes, Even. You need to do what’s best for **you**. If being with Sonja isn’t doing that for you anymore, then you have to let her go. Move on. And if this boy—Isak—makes you feel even a portion of what you described, then I say go for it. Just fuck it, you know?”

 

The three of them laughed and Karin had to keep herself from spitting tea out of her mouth at Monica’s poetic ending, but this was always the type of dynamic that was shared between them.  Where else would Even have gotten his humor and charm from?

 

When Even settled down from his laughter, he noticed that he’d almost felt lighter, like he possibly weighed less than he did just a minute ago. He was glad to have taken his parents up on the tea and gossip offer that they’d proposed. He felt a lot better than he had lying alone in his bedroom.

 

“I guess I’m just scared because Isak doesn’t know about my Bipolar Disorder, and I don’t want to hurt him,” Even blurted out.

 

“Honey, how does your disorder hurt Isak?”

 

“I don’t know,” Even started, “I mean, he already has trouble in his home life, and I don’t want to add to it…”

 

“Even,” Karin cut him off, “Have you ever considered the fact that you might very well be good for Isak, too?”

 

“What do you mean?” Even asked, confused.

 

“If he feels the same way you do, I can’t see how you being with him would be bad for him.”

 

“But with being Bipolar…”

 

“He’s won’t be dating your disorder, Even, he’ll be dating you. **_You_**. Your disorder doesn’t define you. Sonja adjusted to it, and when you’re ready to tell Isak, if he truly cares about you, he’ll adjust to it, too. There’s so much good in you, honey, please don’t ever think you can’t do something because of your mental illness,” Karin finished.

 

Even sighed. They were right, he knew the two of them were right. Dammit.

 

“What would I do without you guys?”

 

“Well, there wouldn’t be anyone here to make you tea on a Sunday afternoon,” Monica added, as she giggled slightly.

 

Even laughed, “Yeah…”

 

After a few moments of silence, Karin announced, excitedly, “So! Tell us more about this Isak, Even.”

 

Even smiled before launching into his speech, knowing damn well he was about to overshare but not giving two fucks about it. 

 

 “Well, his full name is Isak Valtersen, and we met at that kosegruppe meeting that I told you guys about a few weeks ago and…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Isak_ ❤️**

**Today 17.32**

 

 _\- Nice Drawing. Pick up your phone_  
****

 

(21.21)

_Sorry, really busy day. I’ve been swimming at my aunt’s. Just kidding. Talk to you tomorrow -_

_You’re hot when you sleep -_

 

 

* * *

  
****

Even was terrified. 

 

It was Monday, and he’d normally just be getting home from school, but that’s a little impossible to do if you don't go. He’d spent the entire day trying to calm himself down, trying to use almost anything as a distraction, but nothing was working.

 

Today was the day Even was going to break up with Sonja, and officially allow himself to be able to pursue Isak Valtersen. Today was the day.

 

Even knew all of this was ultimately his choice. He couldn’t be forced to stay with Sonja, if he wanted to break up, then that’s what he was going to do. He knew Sonja would understand that much. What he was worried about, though, was the possibility that she would get upset and throw his mental illness in his face, claiming that everything he was doing was just part of a phase. Something his mind had decided was a great idea for right now, but would quickly regret only moments later. Even kept thinking back to the many times Sonja had been there to knock him out of his trances, some quicker than others. But, Even was certain Isak Valtersen was not some sort of grand idea, I mean, Even had been pining after him for more than 2 months now. He wasn’t even slightly over Isak, and he was pretty sure he never would be.

 

Sonja was supposed to head over to Even’s house after school, since she wasn’t aware that he’d stayed home. Even tended to keep secrets from her if it meant that he wouldn’t get nagged so much by her concerns. He was glad she cared, and it was nice to have her around, but all too soon it had gotten to be too much. And Even was tired of it.

 

When Sonja arrived, she let herself into the house and found Even laying in bed, playing around on his phone. She sighed as she shut the door behind her.

 

“Even?” She asked, since he hadn’t acknowledged her presence since he’d heard her walk in.

 

“Mmm?” He hummed in response. 

 

“Babe, come down from your bunk bed.”

 

Even followed her instructions, figuring it would be better to have the conversation when Even wasn’t sitting about 3 feet taller than she was standing. He sighed.

 

Sonja walked over and hugged him once he’d gotten down, before asking, “What’s wrong?”

 

Even hesitated, “Well, nothing’s ‘wrong-wrong’…”

 

“It was enough to call me over, though,” Sonja replied.

 

“That’s because it’s about us.”

 

Sonja backed up a little and shook her head slightly, her face a mix between concern and confusion. Even continued.

 

“It’s…um…it’s just that—I think we should take a break.”

 

“A break?” Sonja frowned.

 

“Yes.” Even could feel his heart beating faster, and not in the good way. He was preparing himself to be attacked with her words, to feel her anger deep in his bones. He had been procrastinating this moment for weeks now, so he was prepared for anything, really.

 

And yet, he felt like he was giving a completely, entirely, improvised speech in front of a classroom of all of his peers. He felt like even the walls of his room had eyes on him.

 

“ _Why_?” Sonja asked, quietly. Even could detect the hurt in her voice.

 

Even didn’t know what to say. He was scared to tell her about Isak, to only have her blow it off as if the two of them would be together in a few weeks once all of this passed. He was tired of her brushing his feelings off instead of listening to them. Just because he was Bipolar, didn’t mean that everything he ever felt was just some sort of concept. The feelings he had for Isak were real, so real he couldn’t breathe normally half the time, and that’s just not something you can explain for someone who is the epitome of health. He’s not a fucking phase.

 

“Did I do something?” She asked again, when Even didn’t say anything.

 

“No, well not really…no, you didn’t do anything Sonja. This is about me.”

 

Sonja remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

 

“I…I’m in love with someone else.”

 

Sonja only took a short moment to react and then she laughed. A loud, bitter laugh that made Even feel like he was swallowing rocks.

 

“Even, come on,” she started, “We’ve been together for over 4 years. When are you going to realize that these things you’re feeling—these thoughts—are just temporary? It’s just a phase, babe. You’ll be over it soon enough.”

 

“He’s not a fucking phase,” Even growled angrily, which took Sonja by surprise. She looked a tad frightened, and decided to tread water with her next statement.

 

“Look, Even,” Sonja sighed, “If you want to take a break right now to go live out your fantasies, that’s fine. I’ll still be here when you come back, I always am. Just be careful, okay? I care about you, and every time you let yourself get caught up in one of these ideas, you always end up hurt. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

 

Even was fuming. She was doing it again, throwing his feelings to the side and completely ignoring everything he was trying to say. He’d wanted her to accept it, to realize that yeah, I’m interested in someone else and yeah, I want to date them and NOT you. I’m finally moving on and I’m so, so fucking ready.

 

The thing was, Even was innately insecure. Every time Sonja reminded him of his illness, the questions swimming in his brain became louder and louder. More frequent. She fucked with his head so much. And Even was over it, Isak was new. He was different. He was light and exciting and Even felt alive when he was with him. Which, given the medication he was on, wasn’t something that happened very often.

 

Sonja left without so much as a goodbye, she’d just kissed Even’s cheek and walked out. Even could tell she was annoyed, probably tired of all of Even’s shit. Because yeah, similar occurrences have happened before and yeah, they haven’t always turned out the best. 

 

But, Even was willing to bet Isak was the love of his life. The one. He’d pretty much known since he’d first laid eyes on Isak, but was too intimidated to admit such a grand love to himself. Even was a hopeless romantic at heart, always willing to give as much love as he possibly could. It was just, the thought of what that would mean to him, to his relatively fucked up life. He was too afraid to believe that someone like him could possibly experience love at first sight. Too insecure to think that that same love could ever be shared. Too nervous about fucking that person up, too concerned that he would rub off on them. 

 

Even wasn’t scared to love. He was scared to be loved in return.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Isak_ ❤️**

**Today 20.19**

  

_\- Hi, what’s up with you never being at school?_

  
  
_\- I hope you don’t fuck up the 10%_

  
  
_\- Wanna hang?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was Wednesday before Even was back at school. His discussion on Monday with Sonja had really fucked with his head, and he’d decided last minute Tuesday morning that he wasn’t ready to face Isak or school or really anyone, for that matter. He needed to try to control his thoughts first. Practice a few things he’d gone over in therapy, continue to take his meds, all that stuff. Isak had texted him at some point that night, but Even felt like he couldn’t respond. It was like something was holding him back.

 

He felt bad for ignoring Isak. It wasn’t what he wanted to do, he didn’t want to make Isak feel like he wasn’t interested in him, or that he was using him. He cared about him way too much to do that. 

 

But, it wasn’t like Even could text him saying, “ _Oh, yeah, hey Isak, sometimes I get into my head and I can’t communicate with the outside world but I’m fine talk to you later_.”

 

What Even and Isak had shared this past weekend was beyond Even’s ability to ignore. The naturalness of the entire few days was like tranquility, completely blissful days filled with love and tenderness. And, the occasional moan here and there. 

 

When Even saw Isak next, he was balancing a foot ball with his feet during gym class. Even watched him for what seemed like ages before Isak finally turned around, scanning the gym until his eyes met Even’s. Isak stopped cold, like he’d just hit a brick wall. Even said nothing as he motioned for Isak to follow him into the locker room. 

 

Isak was tentative as he reached the locker room doorway, eyeing Even as Even stood there, unable to find his words. He was scared to say something to Isak that was wrong or out of place or something that sounded just like a dumb excuse. He knew that ignoring Isak for the past few days was wrong and he was sure Isak was aware that he had been ignored. There was no going around that. 

 

What Isak didn’t know was that Even had been battling with himself about the things in his life, and weighing the choices he had to make. And Even could easily tell that to him now, just say it to Isak’s face as he made his way towards him, but Even was so nervous that he would lose Isak. That once Isak found out about Even’s illness, he wouldn’t treat him the same, or maybe even like him the same. Even was battling with a lot of things, but self doubt was the worst. 

 

Isak walked over to Even and asked, “Where have you been?”

 

Even wanted to avoid steering the conversation lower, as Isak was already understandably annoyed with the lack of Even’s presence. Even eventually decided to avoid answering the question.

 

“I…have told Sonja about you,” Even began, “And…we’ve decided to take a break.”

 

The stillness that followed Even’s statement was powerful, and Even started to worry more and more about Isak’s reaction as he stood there, his eyes a bit wider than usual and his face void of emotion. 

 

“What do you think about that?” Even asked, as his eyes fell to the ground a few times before focusing themselves back on Isak. 

 

It seemed like Isak didn’t really know what to say either, but Even definitely didn’t miss the small smile starting to creep across his lips.

 

“…Awesome,” Isak answered almost inaudibly. 

 

At that, Even could feel his insides begin to soften and he started to relax a bit. _Isak was here, he still wanted this, it’s okay._

 

Even smiled, “Yeah?”

 

“Or…if it makes you sad, then,” Isak mumbled, shaking his head violently, “Then I hope it’s not my fault.”

 

Even had to stop himself from laughing. Isak was honestly worried that breaking up with Sonja was something that would make Even upset, when it had actually done the exact opposite. Being around Isak made Even happier than he’d ever been.

 

“I’m not sad!” Even exclaimed, raising his eyebrows. Was Isak stupid?

 

“No?” Isak raised his eyebrows in question as well, like Even wanting to be together with him was practically a foreign concept. 

 

“No!” Even moved towards Isak quickly, giving him a kiss that was a type of reassurance, as if to say _of course I want you, idiot_.

 

The two of them embraced each other for awhile, Even’s head resting on Isak’s and their noses brushing together in almost synchronized motions. Isak’s nose was squishy against Even’s, and Even was pretty sure it was the cutest thing in the entire world. The gesture made Even want to reach out for Isak’s hand and lace their fingers together, and that’s exactly what he did.

 

He wanted to relay to Isak that he was down for this, that he was ready. And as if to say ‘ _let’s date? okay?’_ in so many words as none, he let the warmth of Isak’s hand and the comfort of his own take control, and the look in Isak’s eyes told him that he was ready, too.

  
And _fuck_ , if Even wouldn’t tear himself apart to see that glimmer of hope in Isak’s eyes every day of the damn week. He felt his knees buckle at the sight.

 

When they broke apart a bit, Even used the distance to ask a question he’d been wanting to ask ever since he’d seen him that night of the kosegruppe meeting.

 

He licked his lips a few times before finally letting the words tumble from his mouth.

 

“What…” he began, “Do you think your parents would have said if you’d started dating me?”

 

Even could feel his heart beating in his chest and he’d hoped that Isak couldn’t feel the tremor in his fingertips. At this point, he knew that Isak had feelings for him, but Even didn’t want to make the troubled relationship he had with his parents any harder for him than it already was.

 

Isak took his time answering, his eyes flittering down to the floor and his head tilting away from Even’s face. 

 

“I think that would be okay,” he eventually he answered.

 

Even lifted his eyes up to Isak’s then, a bit surprised by his answer. The amount of time it had taken him to reply was unsettling, and Even questioned him again.

 

“Or…” Isak softly spoke, his breath hitting Even’s cheeks, “Papa probably wouldn’t mind.”

 

“But mom would?” Even asked, not able to keep the concern hidden in the octaves of his voice. His parents were more than willing to accept his relationship with Isak, and he couldn’t imagine being in a situation where admitting your love for someone was considered forbidden. 

 

“My mom’s insane,” he spit out, shaking his head fiercely and sighing. 

 

Even felt his breath hitch in his throat. He wasn’t expecting that confession at all, and he tended to be sensitive to words like that being used to describe a person, especially considering what he’d had to deal with in the past. And present, too, for that matter. 

 

Even frowned as he asked, “In what way?”

 

He hadn’t meant for his voice to be so frigid, and he could tell that Isak knew the atmosphere around them had changed, and Even was ridiculing himself for wiping the smile from Isak’s face that had been there only moments ago.

 

Isak shook his head again and said, “No, it’s a completely surreal situation. Like, she thinks the world is about to end…”

 

The expression Isak had on his face now was lighter than before as he tried to brush it off.

 

“And like…” he continued, “My uncle is Donald Trump.”

 

Even couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling and the tightness in his chest as he listened to Isak speak, because he’d come across these symptoms before when he’d spent his own time researching mental illnesses. When he’d been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, he was upset for the longest time—and even years later, he still gets upset about it. But, over time, he began slowly accepting parts of it, and he wanted to learn what information he could to understand it. His time spent in therapy had shined a lot of light on him in regards to the other mental illnesses were out there. 

 

Isak seemed to be humoring the topic, almost like he was projecting. Even followed his movements, but his throat only continued to constrict as time was passing.

 

“My uncle is not Donald Trump!” Isak exclaimed, and Even forced himself to give a sigh of relief.

 

“But anyway….yeah, it’s none of her fucking concern. We haven’t spoken since I moved out.”

 

Another pang in his chest, another bell ringing in his ears. He was getting nervous at the fact that Isak thought so lowly of his mother because of what she was dealing with.

 

He could understand why Isak was upset, why it had been so hard on him, and he wished that he didn’t have to go through it at all. He would never, _never_ want to see Isak hurt. 

 

Even had thought about telling Isak about his Bipolar Disorder many times, and he was sure he was going to do it soon, because the guilt had been getting too much, but now here he was, with Isak standing in front of him and admitting the issues he’s had with other mentally ill people and Even was shrinking further and further inside of himself. 

 

“So you don’t keep in touch anymore?” Even asked, his voice coming out a lot stronger than he felt. 

 

“No,” Isak laughed, turning his head, “I mean…

 

 _I decided my life would be better off without mentally ill people around me_.”

 

**Fuck.**

 

Isak said the statement with so much ease that Even felt his stomach doing flip flops, and not the good kind. 

 

He stayed silent, his eyes wandering to the ground and then back up to Isak’s and he watched as Isak waited for his reaction, though Even couldn’t find it within himself to say anything back.

 

It had hurt too much, it had torn his heart to shreds, and the worst part was that Even couldn’t let Isak know any of this. He didn’t want to yell at Isak, making him feel bad about what he said as he shared that he too suffered from a mental illness. He took the pain in the silence, and his heart broke.

 

His heart broke because a part of him personally agreed with Isak.

 

He shouldn’t have to deal with mentally ill people, he shouldn’t have someone else’s problems poured onto him and he certainly doesn’t need more unwanted issues on top of his own. No one wanted someone with a mental illness, and they certainly didn’t _need_ them.

 

Even had watched his girlfriend Sonja be hurt time and time again by Even’s actions that he just couldn’t fucking control, and he didn’t want to make Isak go through the same exact thing. He hated himself for even thinking that being with Isak could have ever turned out the way he wanted it to. Nothing ever seemed to go right. 

 

The torment Even was feeling inside rushed through his body and blood pumped heavily through his veins, and he was silent. And, actually, maybe that was the worst part about all of this. He was feeling all of these feelings and his entire being was fucking mute.

 

Isak was unaware of any of this, as he should be. The silence was awkward, but Isak continued to stand close to Even, and Even—dear god—didn’t want him to ever move away, but knowing that was to come eventually, and that it was for the best if he’d never come this close to someone as toxic as Even ever again.

 

“What do you think your parents would have said about me?” Isak asked, hope lifting his voice, and Even smiled at him sadly. 

 

The bell rang in the distance, and Even felt his body tense as he reached forward for Isak’s face and placed his hand there, and Isak raised his eyebrows as Even searched for the right words to say.

 

He found his way as he said, “I think they’d love you,” and it was true, they already loved him without even needing to meet him, and Even smiled once more before bringing their lips together and leaving him with a kiss to be remembered, and then Even was letting go and Isak was letting go and it was over.

 

Even walked away, unwillingly, but his feet were moving him towards the door and he knew that this was probably the last time he’d ever kiss Isak, if Isak knew what was good for him. He was protecting Isak from getting hurt, and that was what was most important, but the tingles that he felt in his lips only cracked his ribs and bruised his face and his heart continued to shatter with each step of distance he put between himself and the boy still standing in the locker room.

 

_It’s for the best._

 

The words rang in his ears and Even cursed himself again for ever thinking that something like this, something that had made him so, so happy, could ever work out. He hated himself for the false hope he’d held onto for the past few months.

 

Sonja was right. Just like she always was. He was destined to always end up hurt. That’s all there was ever going to be for him. 

 

He didn’t deserve to be loved in return.

 

Once Even had gotten home from school that day, he walked through the front door and pushed it shut, throwing his shoes off of his feet and walking through the living room. He saw Monica and Karin sitting on the couch, and they raised their eyebrows up at him.

 

“You guys were wrong,” he simply said, his voice cracking and his head unable to lift itself up from the ground. He didn’t give them enough time to reply as he made his way to his room and shut the door behind him, effectively shutting the outside world out as well.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even :(((((((
> 
> I just want to yell at Isak but at the same time Isak's only ever been exposed to his mom's illness and he just doesn't understand...
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and leave a comment letting me know what you thought!!
> 
> Feel free to message me at www.evenbakkas.tumblr.com !
> 
> KUDOS FEED MY CHILDREN


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